Through some combination of Jedi mind tricks and shenanigans, Head Honcho Josh Tyler convinced me that the only way to spend my Sunday evening was to liveblog the Golden Globes, sharing every "WTF?" and "Woo hoo!" with you, dear reader. So when the awards start at 8 p.m., join me here as we watch the inevitable silliness together. Below are all the nominees, which will be updated as the show goes on, along with random updates from inside my brain. So get good and boozed up, just like the nominees, cuddle up with your bobblehead of Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder (is that just me?), and here...we...go!
To skip straight down to our live updated list of the winners click HERE.
8:01 We begin! Jennifer Lopez, looking like she's wrapped in gold tinfoil, kicks things off by announcing Best Supporting Actress.
8:02 "Hello, mama talking!" Wow, are people already getting out of control?
8:04 And the Golden Globe goes to Kate Winslet! Kate looks genuinely stunned, but at least she has Leo and hubby Sam to help calm her down.
8:05 Doesn't this acceptance speech make you want her to win an Oscar? She looks so grateful, and surprised, and not to mention fantastic. Nice dress!
8:06 At least now we know Sting is a musiican first, and a social activist second. Oh, and he's introducing best song. I want Peter Gabriel to win somehow, but I'm betting it's Bruce.
8:09 And it's Bruce! Gotta respect the Boss.
8:10 I don't know Bruce... I think if you challenged Clint to an arm-wrestling competition, he'd take you on. And maybe win.
8:15 Simon Baker and Eva Longoria, two TV actors I don't really care about, introduce the award for Best Supporting Actor in TV, anywhere-- an award I largely don't care about. So long as Piven doesn't win, that Broadway-hating scumbag.
8:16 Yeah Tom Wilkinson! I imagine this is just the beginning of a lot of awards for John Adams
8:18 Why on earth are they cramming all the poor supporting actors from all of television into one category? They're really only into the leads at these here Globes
8:19 The Globe goes to Laura Dern, for Recount. Playing a villainous Republican is totally in right now.
8:21 I like the classy shout-out to Obama, Laura Dern-- voting and having your voice heard and all.
8:22 I'm going to take the opportunity of a commercial break to remind everyone that this is the first time Kate Winslet has won a Golden Globe or an Oscar. Can you believe a woman this gorgeous and talented has been on a losing streak this long? While I don't really want to see her win anything for The Reader, if that's what it takes for the lady to finally win some hardware, I'll accept it.
8:26 Star of the upcoming movie Hotel for Dogs... oh, poor Don Cheadle. Has he shaved his head in protest of having anything to do with that movie? Oh, and he's introducing a clip from Burn After Reading. Nice Coen Bros. joke-- "I would have crushed Fargo!"
8:27 I really don't want to admit this, but Brad's mustache is starting to grow on me.
8:28 I guess they need the salsa music to jazz up the appearance from the HFPA president? Even though he promises his speech won't be boring, I'm already ready to get him off the stage.
8:29 OMG ZAC EFRON! I can't even pay attention to Jon Hamm getting nominated for Best Actor- Drama because I'm too wrapped up in Zac's baby blues.
8:30 I take it back, I take it back. No one can replace Don Draper in my heart.
8:30 But they gave the award to Gabriel Byrne for In Treatment instead! What kind of justice is that for Don Draper??
8:31 Oh my goodness, Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto... I am seriously getting distracted from my job here. They're announcing Best Actress in a TV series, Drama, by the way.
8:32 Anna Paquin wins the Best Actress-Drama trophy, for True Blood, a show I had no idea anyone was watching. I'm concerned about the lack of Mad Men love here-- you were robbed, January Jones!
8:33 Just got a gander at Drew Barrymore's hair... did she ride over in a convertible and forget her hairbrush?
8:37 Ricky Gervais, you really need to be given your own hosting gig as soon as possible. Or at least be invited to every awards show, regardless of whether or not you're nominated.
8:38 Drinking onstage! And referencing Kate Winslet's appearance on Extras. Gervais, you're hired!
8:39 That whole Gervais bit was just to introduce a clip from Happy-Go-Lucky- - a clip that wasn't even that good.
8:40 Jonas Bros., I am too old to be watching you on my TV. Even if you're introducing the Best Animated Feature category, which will finally give an award to Wall-E.
8:42 And the Globe goes to Wall-E! My friend asked me what I would have done if Wall-E hadn't won, and murderous thoughts cross my mind.
8:43 Johnny Depp is looking really... off as he announces Best Actress-- Musical or Comedy. So many nominees aren't there!
8:44 And Sally Hawkins wins it! This might mean an Oscar nomination for her after all.
8:45 She is such a charmer. Tears at the Golden Globes seem kinda rare, given that they're Oscar's bastard cousin, but both she and Winslet seem genuinely moved by these awards. Maybe it's the alcohol.
8:47 She also pulls off "giant black dress" without looking like a Goth queen, and that's impressive.
8:52 Coming up is Best TV movie or miniseries... if John Adams doesn't win this, I'll personally finance Tracy Jordan's Thomas Jefferson biopic.
8:52 But first there's Jake Gyllenhaal, looking as good as ever, introducing a clip from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Who knew Robert Downey Jr. was sitting at the Benjamin Button table?
8:54 Jessica Lange looks amazing. Drew still needs a hairbrush. It's finally time for the John Adams award.
8:56 Paul Giamatti looks so surprised to be there.
8:57 Gotta honor those founding fathers. Good job, John Adams.
8:58 Tom Hanks deserves an acceptance speech once a year, whether he needs it or not.
8:58 Demi Moore announcing Best Supporting Actor. Prepare for the Heath tears.
8:59 Ledger takes it! Everyone has to solemnly clap, but the standing ovation feels really genuine.
9:00 A scene from The Dark Knight, instead of an actual Ledger acceptance speech. I'm not sure anyone really needed a reminder of how great he was, but it's hard to complain about more Joker.
9:00 Nolan describes Ledger's death as "a hole ripped in the future of cinema." Well said.
9:02 I hate to say it, but something seems anticlimactic about Ledger's win. Like the emotion of it is overshadowed by the fact that he was such an inevitable winner. Not that that takes away from the fact that he deserved it.
9:05 Tom Brokaw introduces the clip for Frost/Nixon. Doesn't he deserve better than the Golden Globes?
9:07 Colin Farrell with Best Foreign Language film. No idea who might take this one.
9:08 Waltz with Bashir wins it...which Farrell sniffles through announcing. Too bad that announcement was more interesting than the movie! Burn!
9:10 Is Maggie Gyllenhaal being eaten by blue leopard print? She and Aaron Eckhart are announcing Best Actress-- TV Miniseries or Movie.
9:11 Laura Linney notches another win for John Adams. Love that woman.
9:12 Tom Hanks seems to be kissing every single person who walks up to the stage for an award. I guess that's OK.
9:18 Gerard Butler, with his own incomprehensible accent, introduces a clip from In Bruges, a movie chock full of incomprehensible accents.
9:19 It's Zack and Miri! I mean, Elizabeth Banks and Seth Rogen. He makes a cocaine joke at Mickey Rourke's expense-- I guess the lack ofa cut to Rourke means he wasn't laughing. They're announcing Best Screenplay.
9:20 Simon Beaufoy wins it for Slumdog Millionaire. Banks and Rogen sound as surprised by this as the rest of us-- is this the beginning of the Slumdog sweep?
9:22 Steve Carell's rockin' a beard as they announce Best Actor in a TV Comedy. I'm rooting for Jack Donaghy.
9:23 Nice one Donaghy, I mean Alec Baldwin. I know he was probably the favorite to win and all, but still, he's totally genius on that show. "I remember when I used to bring Rumer Willis a juice box on the set of the movie." Which movie? Eh, who cares.
9:24 Alec Baldwin's real mom is recovering from hip surgery! Just like Jack's mom! Whoah, maybe they really are the same person.
9:25 Those people holding briefcases right before they cut to commercial were really intimidating. Is one of them going to beat me over the head with that thing?
9:29 Renee Zellweger, looking ridiculous, shows up to present a clip of The Reader. They're really going to play up the Anthony Minghella and Sydney Pollack angle as much as possible, aren't they? Who said Heath Ledger was the only deceased person who might clean up this season.
9:30 Terrence Howard and Megan Fox are the last people I expected to be paired, for pretty much anything. They're announcing for best actor in a mini-series or TV movie. Paul Giamatti anyone?
9:31 How did Kiefer Sutherland get a nomination for 24 here? What did I miss?
9:32 Giamatti takes it for John Adams. Also I think Fox and Howard are both hammered.
9:34 Glenn Close wearing awesome pants, along with Laurence Fishburne, announce Best Comedy. Go 30 Rock!
9:36 Yeah 30 Rock! Score one more for deserving winners.
9:37 "Tina Fey and I had an agreement that if Barack Obama won, I would speak for the show from now on. I am the face of post-racial America! Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!" Amazing, Tracy Morgan. He is seriously indistinguishable from his character. "We love Lornie Mikes!"
9:38 Alec Baldwin has to remind Tracy to thank Jeff Zucker-- way to look out for the corporate man, Alec.
9:41 Are they waiting this long to announce Best Actress in a TV Comedy because they know Tina Fey will win it, and she's a big audience draw?
9:43 Pierce Brosnan is introducing the clip for Mamma Mia! Isn't he ashamed of his singing? At all?
9:44 Sean Combs and Kate Beckinsale... that makes yet another weird pair. Poor Beckinsale, with Nothing But the Truth having no studio to back it. Did he just say these are the nominees for Best Soundtrack?? Sorry, Puffy, it's Best Score.
9:45 A.R. Rahman wins it for Slumdog Millionaire. I'm pretty sure that puts them 2 for 2. Hard to think of anyone who deserved it more.
9:47 Rahman thanks "the billion people in India," which has to be a record for thank-yous in one speech.
9:48 David Duchovny and Jane Krakowski announcing Best Actress- TV Comedy. What a weird pair-- Duchovny seems a little off.
9:49 Tina Fey wins it! And Jane Krakowski seems even more excited. I bet Tina was more than happy to let Tracy Morgan do the talking earlier.
9:50 "As a kid I had all the Hollywood Foreign Press action figures... thank you to Will Arnett for the joke." Tina's doing great up there, even if she looks like she'd rather go home. "If you're ever feeling too great about yourself, there's this thing called the Internet." Way to handle what must have been a crazy, crazy year. 9:55 Marty's won two Golden Globes? Huh. He's presenting the Cecil B. DeMille award to Steven Spielberg, which is the part of the night pretty much everyone takes a bathroom break. Go ahead, leave me for a few minutes-- I won't mind.
9:58 OK, I'll admit, the Steven Spielberg retrospective is worth watching. He's captured the imagination of every single person sitting in that room, I guarantee it.
10:01 They wisely went easy on the clips from the new Indiana Jones. No need to remind us of that any more than necessary.
10:02 Drew Barrymore looks so happy to cheer for the man who started her career. So does everyone else, but they probably haven't known Spielberg since they were 5.
10:06 I'm sorry, I've quit paying attention to Steven's speech. Not that I'm not appreciative but... eh, there's news to read.
10:09 Ooh, coming up after the commercials is Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy, a category that seems completely wide open to me. There have been a whole lot of "well, duh" winners in the last few hours, so I'm ready to see some more surprises.
10:13 Is everyone else seeing these fearmongering ad for pens, of all things? Do we have to be afraid of everything now?
10:14 Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman seem wayyyyyy drunk. I love the two of them together, but this feels wrong somehow.
10:15 And the Best Director prize, which should really go to Danny Boyle, goes to... Danny Boyle! Can't say I didn't see that one coming. God, he's such a charming, lovely man, and really deserves it. Also, Freida Pinto and Dev Patel sitting together at that table are too cute for words.
10:16 Boyle thanks the HFPA for their "mad, pulsing love" for Slumdog. Does that sound dirty to anyone else?
10:17 Anil Kapoor jumps up and cheers when Boyle mentions his name, then Boyle chokes up when mentioning his kids. Now that's awards show perfection.
10:18 Sigourney Weaver introduces a clip from Revolutionary Road. Man, why wasn't she in better movies this year? I need more Sigourney that isn't in the form of her Planet Earth narration.
10:19 Sandra Bullock, looking like a cupcake wrapper, announcing Best Actor, Musical or Comedy. Javier Bardem isn't there to keep Penelope Cruz company! Why deprive us of Spain's First Couple of Hotness?
10:20 Colin Farrell takes it for In Bruges! It's remarkable how much the HFPA seems to love this movie, when no one else is paying it any attention. Good on 'im for eking it out in such a weird category.
10:22 "I'll ride Sally's coattails a bit and talk about love." Nicely said, Farrell. I also like the promise to cut his Globe in half and share it with Brendan Gleeson.
10:27 Salma Hayek and her unbelievable breasts is up to present a clip from Vicky Cristina Barcelona, an occasion she uses to kinda-sorta flirt with BFF Penelope Cruz. I love those two.
10:29 Hey, it's Sacha Baron Cohen! Making an easy plastic surgery joke, but anyway, it's good to see him. But wow, his jokes are bombing-- cutting a little too close, I guess.
10:30 It's the award for Best Musical or Comedy... and Vicky Cristina Barcelona takes it! Wow, that's a genuine surprise. I was thinking for a minute that either Happy-Go-Lucky or In Bruges could pull this one off, but I guess the one with a three-way is the one most people saw. At least they had too much dignity to vote for Mamma Mia!.
10:31 Why has Penelope Cruz been left to fend for herself as the only cast member from Vicky Cristina Barcelona to show up? It's time to take one for the team, ScarJo and Rebecca Hall! It's not like you'll be nominated at the Oscars.
10:34 It's also uncomfortable how during the commercial breaks, the announcer is constantly saying "Look at all the famous people! Come watch all the famous people!" I think we get it that they're all more important and beautiful than we are.
10:37 Wait, i missed it-- who's up there presenting with Freida Pinto? Who wouldn't let Dev Patel up there? Anyway, they're presenting the clip from Slumdog Millionaire-- conflict of interest anyone?
10:38 Mark Wahlberg is the executive producer of In Treatment. What happened to Entourage? He and Cameron Diaz are presenting Best Actress in a Drama, by far the most exciting category of the night.
10:39 WHOAH. Kate Winslet takes it! I don't think anyone really saw that coming, especially given that Kate's already won one tonight. This definitely will affect the Oscar race, provided Kate makes the list of nominees.
10:40 Kate forgets Angelina Jolie! It seems like she really didn't prepare a speech-- I wonder if she'll accidentally thank Stephen Daldry.
10:41 "You have no idea how much I'm not wrapping up!" That's right, Kate-- we'll all watch you forever.
10:42 "Leo, I'm so happy I can stand here and tell you how much I love you, and how much I've loved you for 13 years." I see no problem with Kate being in love with both Leo and her husband.
10:43 "Hello, we're TV actors." Way to break the tension after Kate Winslet's amazing speech, Rainn Wilson. He's presenting best TV drama with Blake Lively, and they are blazing through this thing.
10:44 Thank God, Mad Men! Not sure how they can think it's the best drama and not give awards to their lead actors, but OK, I'll take it.
10:47 Nice speech, Matt Weiner. Now maybe AMC will finally feel motivated to get you a contract and recognize your genius as crucial.
10:48 Wow, we're almost done! Just Best Actor in a Drama and Best Picture left to go. I don't think Sean Penn is there, so it'll be interesting, and really anticlimactic, if he wins it.
10:51 God I'd love to see Leonardo DiCaprio somehow steal this one away.
10:51 Nice job, Mickey Rourke! We officially have a horse race on our hands for Best Actor. Although given that the HFPA snubbed Milk for Best Picture, this might not mean much.
10:53 No tears from Rourke-- should he maybe be crying to pump up the comeback story? Eh, I guess that's too cynical of me.
10:53 Aronofsky gives Rourke the finger! I don't think you can do that on TV. Is the FCC going to get involved now?
10:55 Rourke is the first winner of the night to get played off the stage. Maybe he's not such a sympathetic comeback after all.
10:59 And Tom Cruise gets to present Best Picture Drama. Don't call it a comeback.
11:00 And Slumdog Millionaire takes it. No surprise there. I keep forgetting that Slumdog really was an underdog going into this season, and hasn't been an awards juggernaut forever-- it just feels like forever.
11:01 Freida Pinto will probably wear yellow for the rest of her life, given how good she looked in Slumdog.
11:02 Did the guy accepting for Slumdog say "fuck"? And was it silenced on everyone else's TVs, or just mine?
OK, that was fun. I don't know about you guys, but I'm exhausted. And I've got to get up in the morning and deal with all this for the Oscar column. So have a good night, and I'll see you tomorrow!
Picture, Drama
Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire
Best Comedy/Musical
Burn After Reading
Happy Go Lucky
In Bruges
Mamma Mia
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Actor, Comedy
Javier Bardem, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Colin Farrell, In Bruges
James Franco, Pineapple Express
Brendan Gleason, In Bruges
Dustin Hoffman, Last Chance Harvey
Supporting Actress, Musical or Comedy
Amy Adams, Doubt
Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler
Kate Winslet, The Reader
Director
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
Stephen Daldry, The Reader
David Fincher, Ben Button
Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
Sam Mendes, Revolutionary Road
Supporting Actor
Tom Cruise, Tropic Thunder
Robert Downey Jr. ,Tropic Tunder
Ralph Fiennes, The Duchess
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Actor, Drama
Leo DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler
Actress, Drama
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kristin Scott Thomas, I’ve Loved you So Long
Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road
Actress, Comedy
Rebecca Hall, Vicky Cristina
Sally Hawkins, Happy-Go-Lucky
Frances McDormand, Burn After Reading
Meryl Streep, Mamma Mia
Emma Thompson, Last Chance Harvey
Foreign Language Film
The Baader Meinhof Complex (Germany)
Everlasting Moments (Sweden)
Gomorrah (Italy)
I’ve Loved You So Long (France)
Waltz with Bashir (Israel)
Screenplay
Slumdog Millionaire
The Reader
Frost/Nixon
Benjamin Button
Doubt
Score
Benjamin Button
Changeling
Defiance
Slumdog Millionaire
Frost/Nixon
Song
"Down to Earth,: Wall-E
"Gran Torino", Gran Torino
"I thought I Lost You," Bolt
"Once in a Lifetime," Cadillac Records
"The Wrestler," The Wrestler
Animated Feature
Wall-E
Kung Fu Panda
Bolt
Best Television Series - Drama
Dexter (SHOWTIME)
House (FOX)
In Treatment (HBO)
Mad Men (AMC)
True Blood (HBO)
Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Drama
Sally Field – Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Mariska Hargitay – Law & Order
January Jones – Mad Men (AMC)
Anna Paquin – True Blood (HBO)
Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer (TNT)
Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Drama
Gabriel Byrne – In Treatment (HBO)
Michael C. Hall – Dexter (SHOWTIME)
Jon Hamm – Mad Men (AMC)
Hugh Laurie – House (FOX)
Jonathan Rhys Meyers – The Tudors (SHOWTIME)
Best Television Series - Musical Or Comedy
30 Rock (NBC)
Californication (SHOWTIME)
Entourage (HBO)
The Office (NBC)
Weeds (SHOWTIME)
Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy
Christina Applegate – Samantha Who? (ABC)
America Ferrera – Ugly Betty (ABC)
Tina Fey – 30 Rock (NBC)
Debra Messing – The Starter Wife (USA)
Mary-Louise Parker – Weeds (SHOWTIME)
Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy
Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock (NBC)
Steve Carell – The Office (NBC)
Kevin Connolly – Entourage (HBO)
David Duchovny – Californication (SHOWTIME)
Tony Shalhoub – Monk (USA)
Best Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made for Television
A Raisin In The Sun (ABC)
Bernard And Doris (HBO)
Cranford (PBS)
John Adams (HBO)
Recount (HBO)
Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Judi Dench – Cranford (PBS)
Catherine Keener – An American Crime
Laura Linney – John Adams (HBO)
Shirley MacLaine – Coco Chanel
Susan Sarandon – Bernard And Doris (HBO)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Ralph Fiennes – Bernard And Doris (HBO)
Paul Giamatti – John Adams (HBO)
Kevin Spacey – Recount (HBO)
Kiefer Sutherland – 24 (FOX)
Tom Wilkinson – Recount (HBO)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Eileen Atkins – Cranford (PBS)
Laura Dern – Recount (HBO)
Melissa George – In Treatment (HBO)
Rachel Griffiths – Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Dianne Wiest – In Treatment (HBO)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Neil Patrick Harris – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Denis Leary – Recount (HBO)
Jeremy Piven – Entourage (HBO)
Blair Underwood – In Treatment (HBO)
Tom Wilkinson – John Adams (HBO)
