Rant: Enough With Molly Shannon

By Josh Tyler: 2007-06-26 04:17:48

Evan Almighty’s lackluster performance at the box office last weekend is being blamed on a lot of different factors. Some people think bad marketing was the issue, others are hanging their hat on lousy reviews or the fact that the movie simply wasn’t very good. None of that was the problem. I have the answer, and her name is Molly Shannon.

Yes, she’s only in the movie for all of 30 seconds, but the world is really sick of her. The audience I saw Evan Almighty with sighed audibly when she first appeared on camera. It wasn’t a sigh of contentment or satisfaction. It was a collective, audience-wide sigh of complete and utter defeat. It was as if her appearance on the screen, five-minutes into the film, signified the moment when the entire audience instantly decided to give up on the movie. People check out when they see Molly Shannon in a scene, and it’s not just because she’s always been completely untalented, it’s also because for some inexplicable reason Hollywood insists on inserting her into everything.

I don’t know how she does it. Every time I see her I throw up in my mouth a little bit. She’s not funny, she can’t really act, yet Molly Shannon gets plumb roles in what to my active imagination must be at least half the movies released on any given weekend. She always plays the same character too. Oh it may not have been written that way, but when Molly Shannon wraps her arm pits around a role they all become some horrible variation on that idiotic, completely unfunny Mary Katherine Gallagher character she played on Saturday Night Live. She may not actually stop and stick her fingers in her arm pits, but no matter what part she’s playing there’s always the possibility that she might.

Maybe she simply knows the right people, or maybe Hollywood mistakenly thinks America likes her. Maybe in real life she’s such a nice person that those lovable, huggable studio executives out in California simply feel sorry for her. Whatever the reason, she’s on her way to invading every aspect of your daily entertainment. We’re only half way into 2007 and she’s already been in three major motion pictures. Last year she had a hand in making six of them, which puts her right on track to hit that same number again this year. Unless.

It’s time to do something about Molly Shannon and tanking Evan Almighty is a start America. I’m calling for a Molly Shannon boycott and I don’t care if Steve Carell’s career experiences collateral damage as a side effect. I’m not watching her anymore, and I’m not going to stop not watching her until she’s living under a porch somewhere with Margot Kidder. We can’t agree on global warming or Iraq, but maybe we can all agree on this:

Enough with Molly Shannon Hollywood. Enough.

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herself the elf
June 27, 2007 at 11:59

Molly Shannon isn't even all that relevant anymore. Superstar came out 8 years ago. Why so worked up?

She's not the greatest comedian in the world or anything but I'd hardly consider her as hatable as you're trying to make her out to be. She pops up in random comedies for five minutes every once in a while. If that ruins the movie, it probably wasn't that great a movie to begin with.

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Goon
June 27, 2007 at 01:31

I can't believe I'm dissenting here, but I am.

Molly Shannon isnt a signal of death for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm cynical about her, but three things made me move Shannon from the 'worst cast members ever' list into the 'you can live but i've got my eye on you' list

1) Goth Talk. That show had TWO awful cast members there in Shannon and Kattan, and they actually made recurring characters that I remember looked forward to.

2) Talladega Nights - her appearance in that movie showed exactly how to use her to her max potential. a side character who is in and out and not expected to carry more than interstitial comedy.

3) Maya Rudolph. This complete sack of dead weight makes Molly Shannon look like the funniest woman on earth. And Maya is a true symbol a movie will suck. maybe even - a CURSE. she is useless in Idiocracy and that ended up not playing anywhere beyond a few screens, she had a huge part in Anchorman that got entirely cut, every segment with her on SNL is automatically crushed (just as every segment with Will Forte, even if he's not the very best cast member, is ALWAYS passable)
add Shrek the Third, 50 first dates, and duplex to the list of supporting roles in bad categories

yes. maya rudolph is the curse. her and Jimmy Fallon are probably my least faves ever.
I'd add Kattan to the list however again, he did Goth Talk and I was shocked to see repeats and find that some of the Mango skits were actually a lot better than I remembered. I guess not seeing that character every fucking week can change things.

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floyd
June 26, 2007 at 17:13

My God. I am a fan of hers. I don't think you can blame all of life's problems on her. I don't have to defend her, so I'll just say you are sad. Sad for hating someone so bad.

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Mr. Shannon
June 26, 2007 at 12:20

I'm Molly's father and I had to respond to this "rant." God, you are so right. She's been getting on my damn nerves for years. Now since I'm a good father, I had to sit through every living room performance. Then I had to stay up on Saturday Nights to watch my daughter's highest achievement: sniffing her hands. Now I have to go see bad movies with her being the worst part of it.

Frankly, it's about time someone said it.

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Aaron
June 26, 2007 at 12:19

Holy crap i couldn't had said it better. I can't stand this woman. Your right every damn movie they put her in just ruins it.

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