Despite everyone (but Cubs haters) wishing that Back to the Future Day would necessarily mean the Chicago Cubs would win the World Series this year, they didn’t even make it there, and the big game was won last night by the Kansas City Royals. Speaking of predictions, though, no one could have foreseen Frank Thomas delivering a bone-shattering sports observation that came in the form of a mishandled compliment. Check it out!
Though the New York Mets won Game 3 on Thursday night in their first home game, they lost the next two games to give the Kansas City Royals the team’s first World Series win since 1985. And apparently Thomas thought that losing the game wasn’t the last terrible thing that could happen to the Mets, as this verbal demolishing added third-degree burns to the injury. Even if you took away everything that Thomas did on a baseball field during his illustrious career, this four-second comment would be enough to earn him the nickname “The Big Hurt.” He would also earn “The Oral Surgeon” and “Mr. Timber.”
I feel like feuding rappers should take note of this post-game clip to see the proper way to take down someone – who needs to spend time on an entire diss track? Thomas should be teaching classes on this kind of thing. Not only does he take a mere 23 words bury the New York Mets beneath an avalanche of ego-toppling truthbombs, but he also did it inadvertently, since he was clearly trying to make them feel better about their World Series experience. That’s like going to the doctor trying to fix a broken leg by kicking it back into place.
This consolation is what should be written on awards like the Anti-Espys, or whatever the sports equivalent of the Razzie Awards is. Maybe we’ll call them the Frankies.
We have to assume that there was an unabridged form of Thomas’ spiel that also told the Mets that “the players’ futures will be as bright as ever, except for all the dark looks they get from fans and the disappointment they brought to their families and the entire state of New York.” Also that the team “should be very proud of itself, although it should still feel bad for not solving the world hunger problem.”
If you want to hire Frank Thomas for children’s birthday parties, office social gatherings, town fairs and more, just contact his agent.
