Growing up in the 1980s, The Goonies was easily one of the most quotable movies for me as a kid (the same could be said for quoting just about any John Hughes movie for that matter). In fact I still consider The Goonies to be one of the best ‘80s movies for all of its adventure and humor, the kids vs. grownups story, not to mention its cast of young and talented actors. Whether or not we ever see The Goonies 2 happen, we’ll always have the Richard Donner movie to look back on. And that’s just what I was tasked to do for this article. After revisiting the 1985 movie, here are my picks for the best quotes.
“Trust in your old mother, boys!” - Mama Fratelli
It’s just another day in the life of being Mama Fratelli for Anne Ramsey’s character in The Goonies. The film opens with an exciting sequence wherein Mama and her son Francis (Joe Pantoliano) break Jake Fratelli (Robert Davi) out of prison. And just when they think they might have reached the end of the police chase, Mama Fratelli demands they trust their mother as she throws the car into four-wheel drive and makes their final escape amidst an ORV race.
“Our Last Goonie Weekend” - Mouth
Corey Feldman’s character — nicknamed Mouth — has a lot to say throughout The Goonies, but one of the most important lines is said almost pleadingly to his friends: “Our last Goonie weekend.” Meaning they can’t sit around wasting away the final days they have with one another, despite the bad weather or Brand’s (Josh Brolin) lack of a driver's license.
“Hey, I bet you guys thought I was gonna drop it, huh?” - Chunk
Chunk (Jeff Cohen) establishes himself as a clumsy person early on when we see him smash his pizza and milkshake up against the glass window of the pizza parlor when he sees the police chase outside. We see another example not long after when, just as he’s boasting about how they were all wrong to think he’d knock over Brand and Mikey’s mom’s most favorite statue, it falls off the table.
“Shut up, Mouth.” - Mikey and Brand
Getting told to shut up is probably something a guy nicknamed Mouth experiences fairly often. Still, it’s always funny when we hear it in The Goonies. In this case, it comes from both Mikey and Brand.
“I would really like the house clean when they tear it down” - Mrs. Walsh
As a kid, I don’t even think I noticed this line from Mrs. Walsh. Maybe because it seemed very mom-like to me that she’d want the house to be spotless, no matter what… even if the place is only being cleaned to be demolished.
“Kind of Like Us, Mike. The Goonies.” - Chunk, “I’m not a reject,” - Mouth
I like to think that all of the Goonies call it like they see it. Chunk openly embraces the scrappiness of their friend-group, while Mouth rejects the very idea that he’s a reject.
“Now it’s his most flattest thing in the world. Let’s go!” - Mouth
What better way to slow down the inevitable chase of one big brother than by letting the air out of his bike tires? It’s hard not to feel bad for Brand though, especially when considering what Mikey said about how hard Brand worked to pay for the new tires. Not only is the bike his most favorite thing in the world, it’s also now his most flattest thing in the world.
“I’m James Bond, 007, not 00-Negative!” - Data
The Goonies aren’t shy about poking fun at each other. While Data (Ke Huy Quan) aspires to be at the level of James Bond with his fancy gadgets and grand entrances, much to Data's frustration, his friends rework his 007 persona with a nickname that sounds more like a blood type.
“The only thing we serve here is tongue,” - Mama Fratelli
While it’s clear to Mikey, Chunk and Data that the Fratellis aren’t nice people, Mouth can’t seem to help himself and takes the first opportunity he gets to make a joke by trying to order some food when Mama Fratelli asks for their order. Her response about serving tongue while squeezing his face shuts him up quickly.
“Dead things, Mikey, dead things!” - Chunk
When Mikey asks where the bathroom is, Chunk quickly attempts to shut down his friend’s interest in wandering off inside the creepy restaurant. Of course, he fails, but not before Mama Fratelli asks him why this isn’t the kind of place you’d want to use the bathroom — because of daddy longlegs and dead things, Mikey.
“Oh, come on, come on! Where are you? You’re in the clouds and we are in a basement!” - Stef
Though Stef (Martha Plimpton) and Andy (Kerri Green) are almost always together throughout The Goonies, the two friends are having entirely different experiences, and Stef can clearly see that. While Andy swoons over Brand, Stef attempts to bring her back to earth — or in this case the basement.
“I smell ice cream.” - Chunk
Chunk stopping to inhale the aroma of ice cream that is somehow wafting through the walk-in freezer door will never not be funny to me. Why the closed-down restaurant was so well stocked with Swensen’s, we’ll never know, but ice cream wasn’t the only thing they found in that freezer.
“Lets” “Get Out Of” “Here!” “Like Now!” - Goonies
Never were the Goonies more in sync with one another than when they shared the “let’s get out of here” declaration after doing some catastrophic damage to the pipes they came across. Yes, time to go -- Like now!
“Ok, I’ll talk! In third grade I cheated on my history exam…” - Chunk
Little did the Fratellis know that when demanding that Chunk tell them everything, this kid was going to tell them literally everything… starting with the third grade history exam he cheated on and moving through all of the other bad things he could think of, including stealing his uncle’s toupee, knocking his sister down the stairs and more.
“That’s what I said, booby traps!” - Data
More than once throughout The Goonies, someone is corrected for mispronouncing or misusing a word, only to reply with “That’s what I said!” — The booby trap line is my favorite.
“Brand, God put that rock there for a purpose and, um, I’m not so sure you should, um, move it…” - Stef
Stef has a lot of wisdom to share. Whether it was God or One-Eyed Willy who put that rock there, we might not know, but the rock in question was the thing keeping the massive colony of bats from flying out at them, which they did the moment Brand called out into the cave. So she wasn’t entirely wrong for suggesting that maybe moving it was a bad idea.
“I made a noise like this: Huehhh. Huehhh. Huehhh. HUEHHHHHH….” - Chunk
All of Chunk’s confessions built up to the worst thing he ever did, which involved brewing up a batch of fake vomit and tossing it over the balcony at his local movie theater, accompanied by the sound of the gagging that I’ve attempted to spell out for this quote. It’s clear from the way he tells the story that this is the thing he regrets most from his life.
“Ma, I’m beginning to like this kid, ma.” - Jake, "Hit puree!” - Mama Fratelli
After Chunk spills his guts about every secret he can think of, he seems to have won over Jake, but not Mama Fratelli, who still wants answers about where Chunk's friends went. Fortunately, the bats show up before she can carry out on the threats she made about Chunk’s hand and the blender.
“Yeah, but you know what? This one. This one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn’t come true. So I’m taking it back. I’m taking them all back.” - Mouth
While most of what Mouth says throughout the movie provides comic relief, this is one of the few exceptions. His insistence on keeping the coins they discover at the bottom of the wishing well is a sad reminder of the disappointment these kids are carrying with them throughout this journey.
“Goonies never say die!” Mikey
This whole adventure would never have happened without Mikey, and the speech he gives at the bottom of the wishing well is a big reminder of that. Just as they’re about to be rescued — which means abandoning their attempt to find the treasure — Mikey reminds his friends that this is the one chance they have to save their homes. If they give up, it’s over. And Goonies don't give up.
“Geez, mister, you’re even hungrier than I am.” - Chunk
The Fratellis had no idea what a mistake it was to put Chunk in the same room as Sloth. It took Chunk almost no time at all to bond with the nicest member of the Fratelli family, and it all began when he offered him a candy bar.
“Just like that last prank about all the little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them…” - The Sheriff
It’s evident by the bored way the sheriff talks to Chunk over the phone when he calls for help that this is not the first time Chunk has called in a catastrophe. Except from the sound of it, he’s cried wolf one too many times — and cried Gremlins at least once. The line about “little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them” seems like a pretty hilarious nod to the fellow Amblin Entertainment movie, which hit theaters the year before The Goonies did.
“Yeah, Mikey’s been through here all right…” Chunk
These kids know each other pretty well, so when Chunk and Sloth come across the wrecked plumbing in the cave, Chunk immediately knows his friends are responsible for whatever happened, (which Sloth promptly makes worse.)
“Slick shoes? Are you crazy?!” - The Goonies
Throughout the movie, Data is using every opportunity he can to put his inventions to good use. In this case, it’s to release oil from the back of his sneakers — or “slick shoes” — in an effort to cause the Fratellis to slip when attempting to cross the log bridge. While his friends are horrified that he’d delay their escape, it turns out to be an effective tactic.
“This is nothing like my mother’s Steinway…” Andy
When the Goonies arrive at the piano made of bones — um, yuck… — it’s Andy’s time to shine. As the only member of the group with experience playing piano, she steps up and tries to play the notes, but not before pointing out that this skeleton-made instrument is not at all what she’s used to.
"Then some guy up there tells me I have stupid inventions. And I've been spending months and months studying them and inventing them..." - Data
After falling through the floor — again — Data has had enough and goes on a rant wherein he expresses how tired he is of falling and of skeletons, and also of being picked on for the inventions he’s spent so much time working on.
“It’s Willy. It’s One-Eyed Willy!” - Mikey
The whole movie has led up to this moment, and it’s especially fitting that Mikey should be the first to set eyes on One-Eyed Willy. The look on his face when he realizes they actually did it is priceless.
“We will not be taken alive, Mikey!” - Data
Of course, the Fratellis catch up to the Goonies when they finally make it to the pirate ship, but they've been through so much by this point and Data is unwilling to surrender at any cost. Stef’s reaction when he speaks for everyone in saying they won’t be taken alive is also pretty great.
“Hey you guys!” - Sloth
Just when it seems like the Fratellis have bested the Goonies, Sloth and Chunk make their grand entrance, which includes Sloth belting out the iconic “Hey you guys!” line before he and Chunk made their descent down the sail and to the rescue. True heroes!
“You’re my best invention” - Data’s father
In the movie’s final scene, the Goonies reunite with their worried families. This includes Data, who’s apparently just like his dad, as we see his father showing off a camera invention he has strapped to his chest. The attempt at taking a photo doesn’t work, but it also doesn’t matter. As Data points out, you can’t hug a photograph — to which his father declares Data his best invention. Oh, my heart!
“Sloth, you’re gonna live with me now. I’m gonna take care of ya. Cause I love ya.” - Chunk
One of the loose ends that might’ve been left unresolved in a lesser movie is what might become of Sloth after his brothers and mom were hauled off by the police. But The Goonies doesn’t let us down, as we see Chunk tell Sloth that he’s going to come live with his family now, because he loves him.
"Walsh, you're looking at the richest people in Astoria. Now, sign it." - Mr. Perkins
Just as Mr. and Mrs. Walsh are sharing a heartwarming moment of relief and gratitude that their kids are safe and sound, Mr. Perkins just has to pipe in with a smug response that references both his own family's bank account and his insistence that they sign the rights to their homes away ASAP. Fortunately, he's about to find out that he's wrong to think his family is the richest in Astoria.
Not everything makes total sense in The Goonies, and we’ll always be left to wonder about that Octopus scene that was cut from the film but referenced in the final scene. Still, I still think it holds up as a great, funny, feel-good ‘80s movie and a fun adventure film with a happy ending.
