Friday Night Double Feature: Celebrate Mall Cops Everywhere

Mall cops are all the rage this year. Including this weekend’s Observe & Report, there’s already been two movies dedicated to their prestigious field this year. Seems a bit ridiculous, doesn’t it? Yet both movies are winning the interest of movie patrons, even if they aren’t getting the highest critical acclaim.

Neither Paul Blart or Observe & Report are the best mall cop movies out there. Even though they weren’t the central focus of their respective films, this week’s Double Feature takes a look at some really kickass mall cops, a duo that would make Paul Blart and Ronnie Bernhardt weep in their presence. Don’t mess with these guys. In fact, you might just be better off avoiding their malls completely.

Mallrats

You know the catchphrase: “They’re not there to shop. They’re not there to work. They’re just there.” And poor La Fours has to deal with all of them. Think about the movie from his point of view: having to deal with the added attention of a game show being filmed at the mall, two drug-peddling slackers trying to crash said show, creating antics that lead to women’s dressing rooms continually being invaded, sex in elevators, and the annoying Brodie Bruce at the center of it all. Sure, he’s a behemoth of a man, but he deserves better than all of this. In fact, you almost owe it to La Fours to watch the extended anniversary cut of the movie (“The Version That Never Should Have Been”), as the character gets a bit more screentime and a bit more happiness for the overzealous mall cop.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

If you think about all of the crap La Fours has to put up with, then you can sort of understand the way the mall cops respond to the situation in Zack Snyder’s remake of George Romero’s classic zombie pictures. The central hideout from the zombies is their mall, so in their mind that puts them in charge. The attitude that follows is retribution for every “rental cop” quip, annoying teenager, and annoyance they’ve ever had to put up with over the course of their career. Only in the movies, however, would the mall cops manage to get a real cop to hand over his weapon and defer to their judgment. In the real world? Ving Rhames would have been calling the shots over the three rednecks faster than Snyder’s zombies run (and that’s darn fast!). For this Double Feature, though, root for CJ and his buddies. They deserve the credit, for 2009 is the year of the mall cop.

Enjoy our Double Feature suggestions? and maybe we’ll use them in a future column.