John Cusack's characters have had some of the most insightful and philosophical lines of all time. Not to mention some of the funniest. In his best movies like Say Anything..., Better Off Dead, The Sure Thing, Hot Tub Time Machine, and many others, his characters always brought wisdom along with their absurdity in many cases. Here are some of John Cusack's best lines of all time.
"I'm not really making any plans. I'm just sort of letting the universe surprise me, right?" - Hot Tub Time Machine
In a lot of ways, Hot Tub Time Machine, and John Cusack's role in it is pretty meta. A star who first made his name in the '80s, just going with the flow.
"You know, junk food doesn't deserve the bad rap that it gets. Take these pork rinds for example. This particular brand contains two percent of the R.D.A. - that's Recommended Daily Allowance - of riboflavin." - The Sure Thing
Cusack's character Walter in The Sure Thing is, let's be honest, pretty obnoxious on the surface. Like many of his roles, Cusack still manages to make those quirks endearing and lovable.
"Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky." - Better Off Dead
Lane Meyer doesn't have a whole lot go right for him in Better Off Dead, at least not at first. It's not fair to blame him for Ricky's mom blowing up though, even if he brought the gasoline to dinner.
"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." - Say Anything...
John Cusack is one on of the most underrated romantic leads in the last few decades. His most notable role is probably Say Anything... and his most famous quote from the movie explains exactly what he doesn't want to do with his life.
"Thanks. I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southland." - Grosse Pointe Blank
Martin Blank in Grosse Pointe Blank is one of Cusack's snarkiest characters, and that really says something. Every time he tries to explain what he does for a living at this high school reunion—or makes up something—it sounds like this. And some people believe him.
"Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate" - Being John Malkovich
Being John Malkovich is one of Cusack's darkest comedies and his character has a disposition as wintery as the economic climate in the movie. It's really one of his best performances, despite the darkness.
"I have a great fear of tools. I once made a birdhouse in woodshop and the fair housing committee condemned it. I can't." - Better Off Dead
Lane spends a lot of time trying to get out of doing anything in Better Off Dead until Monique (Diane Franklin) gets him under her spell (for the better). She even gets him to pick up a tool and fix his car.
"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules." - High Fidelity
Music means everything to Rob Gordon in High Fidelity. As such, one can never take making a mix tape lightly. There are rules that must be followed. The first one is to know exactly how to start one, as he lays out here.
"She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." - Say Anything...
It's one of the most heartbreaking lines in '80s movie history. Lloyd gives Diane his heart and she gives him a pen to write her with after she dumps him. The moment, in the pouring rain, is just devastating.
"If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there." - Grosse Pointe Blank
It's pretty much impossible for Martin Blank to justify his occupation as an assassin, but you have to give him credit for trying and for being honest with the woman he loves.
"It's not easy getting rides. Do you know what I mean? I mean most people are real afraid to pick up hitchhikers. I mean you never know who you might pick up. I mean I could be some crazed slime ball. I mean a real deranged, violent psycho. You know what I mean? I mean a guy who would rip out your heart and eat it" - The Sure Thing
The Sure Thing was John Cusack's big, breakout role and in it, he shows a ton of his versatility. He's snarky, of course, and he's sweet, but he's also over the top and hilarious like the scene when he gets in the car and scares the you-know-what out of the nice driver.
"I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?" - Say Anything...
Lloyd Dobler may be immature and unsure of himself and where he's going in life, but he's still wise beyond his years in a lot of ways. He may be Gen X's ultimate slacker, but he's not as bad as the guys drinking behind the convenience store on a Saturday night.
"I knew this trip was a bad idea. Every time I hang out with you, man, it's some kind of disaster. I got guilted into coming on this trip and now I'm back in the freakin' '80s. And I hate this decade!" - Hot Tub Time Machine
This one is basically an inside joke from an actor who got his break in the '80s and in many ways is one of the most iconic stars of the decade. His career didn't end there, but it's hard to believe he looks back on that time in his career with anything but fondness.
"Look, Sergeant Pepper, I really need you to shut up about that." - Grosse Pointe Blank
Joan Cusack co-stars with her brother Grosse Pointe Blank and while she plays his able assistant, she really comes across a lot more like a big sister when she keeps reminding him and encouraging him to go to his high school reunion. He finally pushes back and asks her to stop. Luckily she doesn't.
"So, what am I gonna do now? Just keep jumping from rock to rock, for the rest of my life, until they're not any rocks left?" - High Fidelity
Rob Gordon may not have it all figured out, but at least he's self-aware enough that he has to make some changes. Sure, he's still figuring it all on, but he's on the right path, or on the right rocks, so to speak.
"That's right, they start me at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job! But the day I'm supposed to start, some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico!" - The Sure Thing
In a classic Cusack character moment, Gib goes way too far in explaining what will happen if he doesn't end up with Alison (Daphne Zuniga). Not that she's listening as she swims laps.
"She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn't speak imbecile" - Better Off Dead
Many of Cusack's characters, including Lane Meyer, might come across as chill, or even meek, but they are all willing to stand up for what is right when they are pushed too far. Like in this scene when the jock hits on his friend.
"Joe. She's written 65 songs... 65. They're all about you. They're all about pain." - Say Anything...
In Say Anything... one of Lloyd's best characteristics is his loyalty to his friends, especially his two female friends in the movie. One of whom is completely heartbroken over her breakup with Joe, and Joe just wants to taunt her, it seems. Lloyd begs him to stop.
"One night with me and she'll probably go blind with ecstasy. Poor creature. Gee, I hope she doesn't grab onto my leg and start crying once the date's over. What would I do?" - Better Off Dead
Lane Meyer's confidence might have been shaken after he was dumped at the beginning of the movie, but he regains it by the end and the scene of him psyching himself up for his date with Monique proves it.
"Hey, my brotha, can I borrow a copy of your 'Hey Soul Classics'?" - Say Anything...
Lloyd's relationship with his nephew isn't a major part of Say Anything... but the movie does a great job showing just how sweet he is to the kid. He even teaches him a little routine about a great tape, it seems.
"Likes to brag that he killed more men than cancer." - Con Air
While Con Air may not make a lot of sense, when you think about it too closely, you can't deny that the movie is awesome. It has some amazing characters and some amazing moments and while John Cusack isn't as over the top in his performance as some of the other cast members, he still has some great lines.
"I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?" - Grosse Pointe Blank
Martin Blank's relationship with his therapist, played by Alan Arkin, is pretty hilarious. As he tries to figure out how he is going to get through his reunion, he keeps freaking the doctor out with comments like this.
"I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago." - High Fidelity
Hey, at least they are loyal! Right? They are annoying, to be sure.
"No no no, I went the other road. Six figures, doing business with lead-pipe cruelty, mercenary sensibility." - Grosse Pointe Blank
Martin Blank's mix of confidence and nervousness is on full display when she meets his ex-girlfriend's intimidating father (who he is also contracted to eliminate). It's a great scene and highlights the ridiculous nature of the movie.
"Hey, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest. I mean, I've read books like 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' and 'Love in the Time of Cholera,' and I think I've understood them. They're about girls, right? " - High Fidelity
Rob in High Fidelity is just so cheeky and this is a perfect example. The snarkiest of snark.
"You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer. And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. And they won't allow it... because I raise issues." - Being John Malkovich
Cusack's character in Being John Malkovich is pretty dark, in most of the movie. Even when he's having a conversation with a monkey.
"I'm Lloyd, and we're gonna watch the movie 'Cocoon.' I've never actually seen it, but I heard it's very good, it makes you happy, that's a good thing. It's about a group of older people who go to outer space... hope I didn't give anything away there." - Say Anything...
Anyone who works at a publication like CinemaBlend can tell you how nervous we all get about spoilers in our articles.
"'The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by observing its prisoners.' Dostoevsky said that... after doin' a little time." - Con Air
Any truly great Cusack character is going to have a little philosophy for you. Even in Con Air.
"I am looking for a dare to be great situation." - Say Anything...
Lloyd doesn't have it all figured out, but he knows what he wants.
"I was sitting there alone on prom night, in a rented tuxedo, and my whole life flashed before my eyes. And I realized finally, and for the first time, that I wanted to kill somebody. So I figured since I loved you so much, it'd be a good idea if I didn't see you anymore." - Grosse Pointe Blank
When you are a contract killer, justifying things with people close to you is pretty much impossible, but Martin gets credit for trying, even if he's being a little too honest sometimes.
"What came first, the music or the misery? Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" - High Fidelity
This is a question we could all ask ourselves, right?
"Real smooth, Cliff." - 16 Candles
One of Cusack's earliest roles was in 16 Candles. The movie itself hasn't aged well for a number of reasons, and so it John Cusack's character. This is a pretty funny moment though, and a lot more innocent than the rest of it.
