When Bruce Willis retired from acting in 2022 for health reasons, he left behind a spectacular legacy of likable heroes, explosive action sequences, and quite a few brilliant quotes. Let’s look back on some of the most wonderful Bruce Willis movies and TV shows by revisiting some of the coolest things the actor ever said on screen.
"Come Out To The Coast. We'll Get Together, Have A Few Laughs" - Die Hard
Bruce Willis skyrocketed to stardom by leading arguably the greatest action movie of all time, 1988's Die Hard, as a New York cop who becomes the only hope to save a group of L.A. office workers in a violent hostage situation. At one point, his character, John McClane, is forced to evade detection by traveling via air duct, during which he reflects on the apparent fact that it was his estranged wife, Holly's (played by Bonnie Bedelia), idea to visit her corporate building, where this situation breaks out.
"Zed's Dead, Baby. Zed's Dead" - Pulp Fiction
Bruce Willis has the honor of not only starring in Quentin Tarantino's masterful 1994 hit but also speaking one of the coolest quotes from Pulp Fiction. After Butch (Willis), along with Marcellus Wallace (Ving Rhames), has survived a traumatic ordeal at the hands of Zed (Peter Greene), the boxer takes the crooked security guard's "chopper" to his girlfriend, Fabienne (Maria de Medeiros), and tells her that its owner is no longer around.
"I Don't Want To Talk About Time Travel Because If We Start Talking About It Then We're Going To Be Here All Day Talking About It, Making Diagrams With Straws" - Looper
One of the best time travel movies, Looper, stars Bruce Willis as an older version of a mob assassin named Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), whom he meets after sending himself to the past. Writer and director Rian Johnson brilliantly dodges explaining how time travel works in the film with Older Joe's dismissive response to Younger Joe's questions.
"I Got Invited To The Christmas Party By Mistake. Who Knew?" - Die Hard
Many people refuse to see Die Hard as a Christmas movie classic, despite all the festive evidence right in front of their eyes. For instance, the movie would not exist without said holiday, as Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) and his goons interrupt the Nakatomi corporate Christmas Eve party, which is also why John McClane was visiting Holly. His remark about a mistaken invitation, while speaking to Gruber pretending to be a hostage, references him crashing the German thieves' plans.
"So, Ross Was In College, And Decided To Jump At The Chance To Take A Young Girl To Her High School Prom?" - Friends
Bruce Willis made one of the most memorable guest appearances on Friends with a three-episode arc as Paul Stevens, the father of Ross' (David Schwimmer) college-age girlfriend, Elizabeth (Alexandra Holden), who immediately dislikes him due to their age difference. Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) attempts to vouch for her friend by recalling when Ross, then a college freshman, offered to take her to her senior prom when it seemed like her date had stood her up, but even that backfires.
"An Old Man Dies. A Young Woman Lives. A Fair Trade" - Sin City
Each segment of 2005's Sin City – Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller's acclaimed film noir based on Miller's graphic novel series – is bookended by a defining quote. For Det. John Hartigan's (Bruce Willis) story, which revolves around his devotion to protecting Nancy Callahan as an adolescent and as a 19-year-old (Jessica Alba), the quote has two variations, the first being, "An old man dies. A little girl lives. A fair trade."
"Welcome To The Party, Pal!" - Die Hard
You could say that the real hero of the classic '80s movie, Die Hard, is the only one on the ground sticking up for John McClane, Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson). However, they have a bit of an awkward first meeting when McClane is forced to get his attention by dropping a goon's corpse onto his cruiser, at which point he utters one of the action film's most quotable lines.
"You've Been Back Enough. I'll Be Back" - The Expendables 2
In The Expendables 2, Arnold Schwarzenegger's Trench uses the actor's oft-quoted catchphrase, originating from The Terminator, which Bruce Willis' Church decides to try for once. Trench then replies with a sarcastic (and censored) variation of the most iconic line from Die Hard, "Yippee-ki-yay."
"United States Government Just Asked Us To Save The World. Anybody Wanna Say, 'No'?" - Armageddon
The plot of Armageddon, which star Ben Affleck even pointed out was a little ridiculous, involves a deep-sea drilling crew asked to help destroy an asteroid with a nuclear explosion before it hits Earth. We cannot help but respect leader Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) for asking if his crew would rather abstain from participating in an incredibly dangerous mission like this.
"I Spend A Lot Of Time In Air Ducts. I Definitely Don't Live Up Here" - The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part
Bruce Willis makes an awesome cameo in The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part as himself, referencing his scene in Die Hard when McClane is forced to climb through an air duct. However, this LEGO figurine version of the actor, who crosses paths with Wildstorm (Elizabeth Banks) while she is looking for Bruce Wayne (Will Arnett), has, apparently, made himself at home in an air duct.
"Well, Maybe That Mime" - Die Hard With A Vengeance
The third (and arguably second-best) Die Hard movie, 1995's Die Hard with a Vengeance, is a buddy movie that partners McClane with Harlem shopkeeper Zeus Carver (Samuel L. Jackson), who ends up claiming many of the best lines. However, McClane does get in a classic one-liner after Zeus asks if he is intentionally trying to hit bystanders while recklessly driving a taxi through New York's Central Park.
“I'm Gonna Keep The Coke And The Fries, But I'm Gonna Send This Burger Back. If You Put Any Mayonnaise On It, I'm Gonna Come Over To Your House, Chop Your Legs Off, Set Your House On Fire, And Watch As You Drag Your Bloody Stumps Out Of Your House. OK, Pierre?" - The Whole Nine Yards
A role that effectively blends Bruce Willis' comedic skills with his action star intimidation is Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski from 2000's The Whole Nine Yards. The former mafia hitman in hiding does not hold back when letting a Canadian restaurant server know just how much he hates a certain food condiment.
"Now I Know What A TV Dinner Feels Like" - Die Hard
Like most air vents in movies and TV shows, the ones in Nakatomi Plaza are still larger than what you might see in reality. Still, they are narrow enough to inspire one of John McClane's funniest one-liners in Die Hard.
"Charlie Chaplin Once Entered A Charlie Chaplin Look-Alike Contest In Monte Carlo And Came In Third. That's A Story" - Lucky Number Slevin
Also one of the best Josh Hartnett movies, 2006's fun crime thriller Lucky Number Slevin stars Bruce Willis as a mysterious figure who, at one point, recalls this fun bit of trivia inspired by a true, but unproven, rumor, according to Snopes.
"I Promise I Will Never Even *Think* About Going Up In A Tall Building Again" - Die Hard
In Die Hard, as John McClane is about to leap from the Nakatomi Plaza roof before it explodes (a stunt that Bruce Willis actually performed from the top of a parking garage), he pleads to God that if he lets him survive this ridiculous idea, he will stay as close to the ground as possible for the rest of his life.
"Did I Happen To Mention, Did I Bother To Disclose, That This Man That We're Seeking With The Mole On His Nose? I'm Not Sure Of His Clothes Or Anything Else, Except He's Chinese, A Big Clue By Itself" - Moonlighting
Before Die Hard made him a movie star, Bruce Willis' biggest claim to fame was the hit TV show Moonlighting, in which he and Cybill Shepherd play mismatched private detectives who eventually fall for each other. However, this was no typical mystery series, but a cleverly self-aware parody of the genre that indulges in all kinds of unusual gags, such as this Dr. Seuss-inspired speech.
"Hunter S. Thompson Once Said To Me, 'Bruce, My Boy, The Movie Business Is A Cruel And Shallow Money Trench Where Thieves And Pimps Run Free And Good Men Die Like Dogs.' And Then He Added, 'There's Also A Negative Side'" - What Just Happened
Bruce Willis may appear as himself in What Just Happens, but you might assume he was playing a role based on his bushy beard. One scene from the 2008 Hollywood satire sees him eulogize a late, beloved talent agent, during which he sums up the film's more cynical themes with a probably fictional quote from legendary author Hunter S. Thompson.
"I Was Out Of Bullets" - Live Free Or Die Hard
The fourth Die Hard movie, 2007's Live Free or Die Hard, sees John McClane try his most elaborate, and kind of ridiculous, ways to retaliate against his enemies. For instance, his reluctant partner, Matt Farrell (Justin Long), points out that he managed to take down a helicopter using a speeding cop car, and this is his witty explanation for why.
"Get Senator Roark Behind Bars? Sure. And Maybe After I've Pulled Off That Miracle, I'll Go And Punch Out God" - Sin City
Sin City's John Hartigan is on a one-man war against corruption, a war that he knows he is doomed to lose. He reflects on this harsh truth at the end of his segment after assuring Nancy Callahan that he intends to bring Senator Roark (Powers Boothe) to justice, before revealing in his overhead narration that he lied, knowing full well that she will never be safe from him as long as he is alive.
"That's What My Captain Keeps Telling Me" - Die Hard
When John McClane pulls his piece on Tony (Andreas Wisniewski), he claims that the cop will not hurt him because he would have to follow police protocol. McClane's reply is his intimidatingly witty way of letting the Gruber goon know that he is not one to be messed with.
"I'll Call You Back In Two Hours" - The Fifth Element
The closest we will probably ever get to seeing John McClane in the future is seeing Bruce Willis play Korben Dallas in Luc Besson's 1997 sci-fi favorite, The Fifth Element. The special forces agent-turned-cabbie demonstrates a flavor of wit similar to the Die Hard hero when the United States President tells him that a giant fireball is estimated to hit Earth in one hour and 57 minutes.
"Well, Now That You Mention It, I Have Experienced A, You Know, Like A Burning Sensation Between My Toes. I Thought It Was Just Some Athlete's Foot Or Something" - Die Hard With A Vengeance
In Die Hard with a Vengeance, McClane is questioned by FBI agents over how he may be connected to the mysterious bomber known as Simon (Jeremy Irons), but he does not take it very seriously. That is, until he discovers that Simon's last name is Gruber, identifying him as the brother of Hans from the original Die Hard, revealing the "vengeance" in the title.
"One Of The Things We Liked To Remind Ourselves Before We Went Into Any Job Is 'Expect The Unexpected'. Alright? Alright? Always sounds Like Good Advice. Except, Of Course, If You Are Expecting The Unexpected, Then... Well Then It Really Isn't Unexpected Anymore, Is It? And That Leaves You Vulnerable To The Truly Unexpected, Because You're Not Expecting It" - Bandits
Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton star in director Barry Levinson's Bandits as a pair of notorious thieves with the genius method of kidnapping bank managers at their homes the night before, earning the nickname "The Sleepover Bandits." Intercut between the main story are clips from their interview with a true crime host, during which Willis' character, Joe Blake, facetiously details his methodology.
"All Things Being Equal, I'd Rather Be In Philadelphia" - Die Hard
Fun fact about this John McClane one-liner: Bruce Willis actually did grow up in Philadelphia, as did Die Hard screenwriter Steven E. deSouza.
"You Wanna Take That Knife Out Of My Balls Now?" - RED
In RED, Bruce Willis stars as retired secret agent Frank Moses, who must call upon the help of his former colleague, Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich), when his life is threatened. However, their reunion is initially hostile, due to the paranoid Marvin's security measures.
"Thanks For The Advice" - Die Hard
When John McClane misses the chance to take out Marco (Lorenzo Caccialanza), the goon, sitting on top of a table that our hero is hiding under, tells him that he should not hesitate when he has the chance to kill somebody. McClane takes this to heart and promptly unloads his magazine through the table.
"I Remember When They Told Sylvia Plath, 'Hey, Syl, Cheer Up!' I Remember When They Told e. e. cummings, 'e, Baby; Use Caps!' But Did Ol' e Listen? No. Little n. Little o" - Moonlighting
In this line from Moonlighting, Bruce Willis' David Addison refers to the fact that poet e. e. cummings stylized his name in all lowercase letters. He did not, however, write entirely in lowercase letters.
"Death Is An Art Form In Russia" - RED 2
In Red 2, we meet Frank Moses' Russian former girlfriend, Katja (Catherine Zeta-Jones), who talks of taking a life like she is a painter in an art studio.
"Hey, You Guys Wouldn't Be Able To Tell Us Who Actually Killed Kennedy, Would Ya?" - Armageddon
If the U.S. Government asked me to help save the world, I think I would also try to see if they could reveal one of the most perplexing mysteries in American history as repayment.
"Oh, Wouldn't It Be Great If I *Was* Crazy? Then The World Would Be Okay" - 12 Monkeys
Bruce Willis stars in Terry Gilliam's 12 Monkeys as a man from a future ruined by a catastrophic virus who is sent back in time in hopes of preventing it. However, his attempts are thwarted by people trying to convince him that his warnings are a delusion, which is what he would prefer they be.
"DOD Says I Can't Come Out Of Retirement. They Didn't Say Anything About Reenlisting." - G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Bruce Willis shows up in G.I. Joe: Retaliation as retired General Joseph Colton, the original G.I. Joe, who decides to bend the rules to help save the world.
"Try This Salsa. Go On. It Makes You Feel Like You Got Shot In The Tongue" - That '70s Show
As a friend of Ashton Kutcher, Bruce Willis guest-starred on That '70s Show as Playboy Club security manager Vic. The sleazy dude offers Kelso (Kutcher) some of his personal salsa, which he insists is hot enough to feel like you are experiencing injury, before offering him a job.
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