Throughout his brief yet impactful run on Saturday Night Live, where he was part of several skits so bad they’re good, as well as stint in Hollywood, Chris Farley gave audiences more than a few hilarious and unforgettable moments. Here are 32 of Chris Farley’s funniest quotes from characters in movies like Tommy Boy and Billy Madison, as well as his iconic SNL characters.
‘Let Me Sleep, For The Love Of God!’ - Tommy Boy
Partway through the 1995 buddy road trip comedy film, Tommy Boy, Richard (David Spade) attempts to wake up Tommy (Chris Farley) to tell him some good news, only for the exhausted and temperamental brake pad salesman to let out this unforgettable line.
‘Lay Off Me, I’m Starving!’ - Gap Girls At The Foodcourt (SNL)
Probably one of the most iconic lines from early ‘90s SNL, this hilarious moment goes down when a dieting Gap salesgirl (played by Chris Farley) catches shade from a coworker over her love of French fries. Farley’s vocal range is astonishing here.
‘Fat Guy In A Little Coat!’ - Tommy Boy
Tommy Boy has one legendary moment after another, including this highly quotable line from Chris Farley’s titular character just seconds before he rips a sports coat in two. And as we learned from the making of Tommy Boy, this is a routine the late comedian would do in real life.
‘Everybody On? Good, Great, Grand, Wonderful! No Yelling On The Bus!’ - Billy Madison
Though he has all of a few minutes of screentime in Billy Madison, Chris Farley’s bus driver character is responsible for some of its best moments, like the way he ends an awkward conversation with Adam Sandler’s titular character about Veronica Vaughn.
'I Am 35 Years Old, I Am Thrice Divorced, And I Live In A Van Down By The River' - Matt Foley: A Scary Story On Halloween (SNL)
Matt Foley is undoubtedly Chris Farley’s most well-known and beloved Saturday Night Live character and the hapless motivational speaker gave audiences one great line after another. That includes this spin on his “van down by the river” bit, which included a perfect delivery (especially at the “Thrice Divorced” line).
'Snack Bar, Lambough Field, I Was Scalded By The Cheese Of A Flaming Hot Nacho' - Bill Swerski's Super Fans: Thanksgiving (SNL)
The “Super Fans’ sketches are some of the best recurring bits in SNL history, even those not involving professional athletes. The Thanksgiving skit from 1991 gave us an unforgettable moment where Chris Farley’s Todd O’Conner tries to impress a waitress with a grotesque wound and wild backstory.
'Brothers Don't Shake Hands, Brothers Gotta Hug' - Tommy Boy
Upon meeting his new step-brother, Paul Barrish (Rob Lowe), in Tommy Boy, Chris Farley’s lovable loser lets out a line that brothers around the country continue to quote nearly 30 years later (I know from experience).
'I, Hulk, Just, Hulk, Hulk Just Want To Smash' - Superman's Funeral (SNL)
There have been numerous SNL superhero parody sketches over the years, and one of the best is “Superman’s Funeral,” from 1992. A lot of great heroes get their turn to pay respect to the “Man of Steel,” but Chris Farley’s Hulk gives one of the funniest (and most emotional) of the pack. It makes us want to laugh, cry, and of course, SMASH!
'Well, Today In The Land Of The Skunks, The Man With Half A Nose Is King' - Dirty Work
Dirty Work doesn’t get talked about nearly as much as it should, which is a shame. The movie starring Norm Macdonald and Artie Lang as two slackers who start a revenge-for-hire business, gave us some hilarious moments, including this line from Chris Farley’s character after he releases skunks in a crowded opera house.
'Mary, Call The American Embassy!' - Japanese Game Show (SNL)
Game show segments have been a staple of SNL for decades now, and have given us some all-time great line deliveries. This is true for Chris Farley’s contestant in the “Japanese Game Show” sketch where he’s subjected to torture despite thinking he’s winning the game.
We're Gonna Be Buddies, We're Gonna Be Pals, We're Gonna Wrestle Around!' - Matt Foley: Van Down By The River (SNL)
The classic “van down by the river” skit is full of top-notch moments from every SNL cast member involved, but Chris Farley understandably dominated the segment with all kinds of lines. One of his funniest? Oh, just when he grabs David Spade’s teenage character and tells him what they’ll do when they’re living in a van…
'Good Lord, Let The Boy Be Your Dog. He Just Wants To Be Loved.' - The Herlihy Boy Dog-Sitting Service (SNL)
The recurring “Herlihy Boy” skits involving Adam Sandler and Chris Farley were some of the best featuring the dynamic duo. Though Sandler’s shy character has a lot of the best lines, Farley stole the show every time with lines like “He just wants to be loved” while making a pained facial expression. Classic.
'I Had It All: Van, River, The Whole Kit And Caboodle' - Matt Foley: Scaring Kids Straight In Prison (SNL)
When Mat Foley went to prison and gave a “Scared Straight” speech alongside his cellmate (played by the “banned” Martin Lawrence), we were given some legendary moments. Few, though, compared to a loud Foley yelling about the “whole kit and caboodle” when describing everything he lost.
'Two, Four, Niner, Five, Six, Seven, Eight.' - Tommy Boy
When Richard picks up Tommy from the airport in Tommy Boy and scolds him about being late, the brake pad empire heir tells him he tried to call before giving one of the most absurd “phone” numbers in cinematic history. Yes, the one with a “niner” in it.
'Come On, Let The Boy Water Your Plants' - The Herlihy Boy House-Sitting Service (SNL)
What really drives home the ridiculousness of the hilarious “The Herlihy Boy House-Sitting Service” SNL skit is the way Chris Farley’s character always looks like he’s physically unable to speak after saying lines like “Let the boy water your plants” next to Adam Sandler.
'I Got Cat-Like Speed And Reflexes' - Tommy Boy
Everything about the first 25 minutes of Tommy Boy is absolutely perfect, and that’s mostly due to Chris Farley giving us his signature brand of physical comedy. This includes the moment in the Callahan factory where his character boasts about having “cat-like speed and reflexes” moments before getting hit by a slowly moving machine.
'You Lied To Me, You Told Me This Was Regular Coffee!' - Schiller Visions: Hidden Camera Commercials SNL
The “Schiller Visions: Hidden Camera Commercials” skit on SNL is one of the best involving Chris Farley, who loses his everloving mind upon finding out he’s being pranked. The way that smile turns to rage and dismay is a masterclass in facial expressions.
'I Guess I Was Going About 65... Tops' - Black Sheep’
Black Sheep, which saw Chris Farley reteam with David Spade one year after Tommy Boy, features a delightful encounter with a highway patrolman who pulls over Farley’s character for reckless driving. But instead of going “65… tops,” the car is instead speeding down the road at seven mph. SEVEN!
'John Hancock? It's Herbie Hancock!' - Tommy Boy
Is it possible to not quote this famous line from Tommy Boy whenever asked to sign a document, check, or anything really?
'God, I Hate Trying To End These Things.' - The Chris Farley Show With Jeff Daniels (SNL)
Whenever Chris Farley would interview celebrities on Saturday Night Live, it was guaranteed to be a good time. Case in point, the segment of “The Chris Farley Show” where the host, in his self-deprecating style, bumbles through the interview before ending it on the most awkward of terms.
‘...All Because You Want To Save A Couple Extra Pennies…’ - Tommy Boy
The sales pitch in Tommy Boy (you know the one) was dead before it even started, but Chris Farley’s character is the only one who doesn’t know it yet. After destroying a potential client’s model cars and giving a very detailed description of a crash, Tommy lets out this line while one of the diecast vehicles burns atop his desk.
'That's One Small Step For Man! One Giant... I Have A Dream!' - Black Sheep
Is Chris Farley’s Mike Donnelly in Black Sheep a bumbling fool? Yes? But does he also mean well? You bet! During a voter rally for his brother, gubernatorial candidate Al Donnelly (Tim Matheson), Mike adds portions of two famous speeches, but no one in the crowd minds.
'Relax. You Get On The Horn, I'll Throw Some Peanuts At Them, And We'll Be In Chicago Before You Know It' - Tommy Boy
After he and Richard sneak onto an airplane by dressing up as flight attendants near the end of Tommy Boy, Tommy tries to ease his partner’s nerves with a great line and even better delivery. At this point, Tommy could sell anything, especially brake pads.
'And Don't Leave Old Dried Up Deodorant Cakes Under Their Arms For Weeks At A Time..." - Bennett Brauer on Weekend Update SNL
Bennett Brauer is another classic Chris Farley character from his time on SNL, one that always brought chaos to the “Weekend Update” guest segments. When giving one of his long-winded rants, Bennet lets out this gem of a line just a few seconds before being hoisted into the air.
'L-L-Luke, I Am Your Father!' - Tommy Boy
Tommy Callahan totally butchers Darth Vader’s famous reveal from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, but that’s what makes this Tommy Boy line so much fun. Well, that and Chris Farley’s skeleton/robot hand.
'Because I Got No Place Else To Go!' - Wayne's World 2
Wayne’s World 2, while not as fondly remembered as its predecessor, has some hilarious moments. One of the best comes when Chris Farley’s character cries out while auditioning to be a security guard at WayneStock.
'You Remember When You Were In The Beatles? That Was Awesome' - The Chris Farley Show (SNL)
Chris Farley’s interview with Paul McCartney on SNL will never not be funny with its awkwardness and hilariously awful questions like “Remember when you were in the Beatles?” and so forth. McCartney also deserves credit for staying in “character” throughout this uncomfortable and unforgettable skit.
'Good God Almighty! Someone Should Kill That Stinking Fish!' - Splash Zone (SNL)
The “Splash Zone” is a great SNL skit that sees Chris Farley attend an orca show with Janeane Garofalo and George Clooney. While Clooney’s character keeps having all kinds of great fortune (he finds a $100 bill, gold, and other things), Farley’s sees no such luck, which results in him belting out quite a response to being splashed over and over again.
'Walk To Asia. I Like It' - Almost Heroes
The 1998 comedy, Almost Heroes, saw Chris Farley share the screen and his knack for physical comedy with the late Matthew Perry. And while the movie isn’t the funniest of Farley’s projects, the movie does have some great line delivery from Farley, like in the final moments when the pair plan their next adventure.
'Your Brain Has The Shell On It" - Tommy Boy
The back-and-forth banter between Tommy and Richard is really what sells Tommy Boy and makes it an all-time classic. They set the tone early on when Richard scolds Tommy for spilling M&Ms inside the dash of his car (a sign of things to come) to which the titular character responds in the most juvenile and perfect way possible.
'Only When I Cease To Breathe Will I Be Dead, Tanley!' - Beverly Hills Ninja
Chris Farley’s Haru in Beverly Hills Ninja has to be one of the late comedian’s most absurd yet earnest movie characters, which is saying something. In addition to the disguises, questionable ninja skills, and tendency to hurt himself, he also delivers some hilarious lines when confronting evildoers like Martin Tanley(Nathaniel Parker) in Christian Bale’s favorite movie.
'Look, I Don't Wanna Have To Bring You Boys In On A 148. That's Obstruction.' - Airheads
Though Chris Farley only has a few scenes in the 1994 comedy, Airheads, he makes the most of it with his portrayal of Officer Wilson, a cop dealing with The Lone Rangers and their hostage situation. This is especially true in the scene where he’s confronted by a group of metalheads at a White Zombie show.
Though this is a lot, these quotes barely scratch the surface of funny lines from Chris Farley’s once-in-a-generation career. If we were to include his various TV appearances and late-night interviews, this would be a never-ending list.
