Hear Me Out: I Rewatched Con Air, And I Don't Think Cyrus The Virus Is The Worst Of The Villains

Here’s the thing: I love Con Air. I was blown away by the all-time great action movie when I first saw it as a kid back in 1997, and 28 years later, I’m just as obsessed with it. Even though some things will never make sense about the star-studded action flick, there’s so much to love. You’ve got one of the wildest Nicolas Cage characters, an amazing John Cusack performance, and quite possibly the most ruthless group of villains of all time led by John Malkovich’s Cyrus “The Virus” Grissom.

Though Cyrus is quite possibly one of the most charismatic, intelligent, and meanest bad guys of the ‘90s, I don’t think he’s the worst of the worst aboard the “Jail Bird.” Sure, he’s the ringleader of it all and adds more notches to his kill count than anyone else in the movie, but there are some runaways on the plane that are far more rotten. Let me explain…

Cyrus ‘The Virus’ Grissom

While it is true that Cyrus “The Virus” Grissom orchestrated the whole hijacking, killed an ungodly number of people, and has a rap sheet longer than just about anyone in Con Air, it’s argued in the movie that he’s a “true product of the system.” It doesn’t absolve this show-stealing villain of his crimes, but it’s all he’s ever known.

The 11 inmates killed during his stints in prison, three riots, and two escape attempts won’t put him on the “nice” list, but unlike some of his co-conspirators and fellow passengers, John Malkovich’s utterly insane character did at least have standards. Despite having “killed more men than cancer,” Cyrus despises rapists, has no time for white nationalists, and is incredibly loyal to those who have his back (just don’t turn against him).

Nathan ‘Diamond Dog’ Jones

Nathan “Diamond Dog” Jones, Ving Rhames’ militant domestic terrorist in prison for blowing up an NRA meeting, is nearly as charismatic and devilish as Cyrus, and he also has quite the bite. One of the orchestrators of the prison transport plane takeover, Diamond Dog is pretty much The Virus’ right-hand man. And despite being a very, very bad man, his charm, wit, and smile make it hard to hate on him too much.

Yeah, he kills a lot of folks, adds several more felonies to an already impressive list, and makes life a living hell for Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage), but again, it’s hard to keep this dog down.

Earl ‘Swamp Thing’ Williams

Earl “Swamp Thing” Williams (M. C. Gainey) is one of the hijackers we learn the least about in Con Air. Outside of being a skilled pilot (and knowing how to properly remove a plane’s transponder) and fellow inmate, nothing much is said about him before or after he hitches a ride in Carson City. However, his crazy sense of humor, facial hair, and general disdain for authority put him in the middle of the pack as far as terribleness goes.

Joe 'Pinball' Parker

I miss the days when Dave Chappelle would randomly show up in movies like You’ve Got Mail and Con Air, because he had a perfect batting average in the late ‘90s. Though Joe “Pinball” Parker doesn’t get a whole lot of time in the movie before he gets crushed by the landing gear and ends up smashing through that old dude’s car, he does play a key role in taking over the plane.

The serial arsonist catching a fellow inmate on fire kickstarts the whole takeover of the plane, and him quickly grabbing a guard’s keys allows the more violent offenders to escape their cages. If he’d kept his mouth shut (and that balloon of fuel and matches) in his stomach, Cameron Poe would have made it home on time.

Francisco Cindino

Francisco Cindino (Jesse Borrego) is only in Con Air for a short while before he gets turned into a pile of ashes by Cyrus Grissom, but this guy had it coming. A South American drug lord and terrorist who helped finance the whole operation, Cindino made the mistake of trying to double-cross one of the most ruthless men to ever go through the United States Penal System.

William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford

Okay, now it’s time to talk about the bad of the bad when it comes to Con Air villains. First up is William “Billy Bedlam” Bedford (Nick Chinlund), a man with absolutely no redeeming qualities. He’s not bright, he’s not funny, he’s not nice, and he has one of the most disturbing reasons for being in prison in the first place.

This guy didn't kill his wife after catching her having an affair, but instead drove four towns over to her family's house where he killed her parents, her brothers, her sisters, and even the dog before it was all said and done. Plus, he didn't put the bunny back in the box when Cameron Poe politely asked him to leave his stuff alone.

John ‘Johnny 23’ Baca

Danny Trejo may be a badass in real life, but his character in Con Air was one depraved sicko. John “Johnny 23” Baca, whose name would be “Johnny 600” if the authorities knew how many women he had assaulted before being caught, even has a tattoo representing each of his victims on his arm.

The serial rapist, who mostly just looked scary and made multiple threats to Guard Sally Bishop (Rachel Ticotin) on the flight from Hell, showed not even a sliver of remorse from start to finish, which made him one of the worst of the worst on “Jail Bird.”

Garland ‘The Marietta Mangler' Greene

Steve Buscemi’s Garland Greene is introduced as “The Marietta Mangler” when he is brought aboard the plane like Hannibal Lecter halfway through Con Air, and instantly becomes one of the most insane and unforgettable convicts on the escape path. While the man responsible for countless murders does seem to be one of the nicer convicts on the flight (at least on the surface level),

Despite his friendly demeanor, keen observation skills, and ability to point out irony in the worst of times, I can’t set aside the fact that Greene bragged about driving through multiple states wearing a victim’s head like a hat. But his successful escape at the end of the movie does have me bummed we never got a Con Air sequel.

So, Who's The Worst?

If Cyrus “The Virus” Grissom isn’t the worst of the worst from Con Air, then who is it? Well, after thinking long and hard about this, I firmly believe that it’s Billy Bedlam who is the sickest, most depraved, and unlikable convict aboard the plane. Not only did he kill his wife’s family (and dog) so that she would suffer even more, and not only was he a chicken shit throughout the movie, but he also messed with Cameron Poe’s attempt to do the right thing and ruin his surprise for his daughter.

Johnny 23 and Garland Greene weren’t far behind, but Billy Bedlam was just the worst…

Bonus: DEA Agent Duncan Malloy

Before I go, I just have to point out that DEA Agent Duncan Malloy (Colm Meaney) has to be the biggest jerk in Con Air and possibly in any ‘90s movie. It’s partially his fault everything went to hell in the movie, and his “AZZ KIKR” license plate gives off some serious inferiority complex like he’s Kirk Millhouse sleeping in a racing car on The Simpsons. However, his introductory line of “this is fucking spectacular” when describing his car is one of the best parts of the movie.

I know Cyrus “The Virus” Grissom is a terrible guy who deserved to go out by getting crushed by some random piece of equipment off the Las Vegas Strip, but there’s no denying he’s one of the best villains of all time.