The Spy Kids franchise is the only spy movie franchise I really care about.
Okay, so maybe that’s taking things a little too far, but if we’re being honest, spy movies have never been my cup of tea. I’ll enjoy a good Kingsman movie, and I love to re-watch Totally Spies from when I was a kid, but other than that, the espionage stories have never been my cup of tea. I’m not a huge James Bond lover, or even a Mission: Impossible fan – they just never clicked with me that much.
That is, except for Spy Kids.
The original film, directed by Robert Rodriguez, was one of the defining films of my childhood, and honestly, as I’ve gotten older I’ve only learned to appreciate the films more with time. In 2023, Spy Kids: Armageddon released, so in honor of that, I’m going to rank every Spy Kids film so far. Let’s get into it – starting off with the obvious last pick.
5. Spy Kids: All The Time In The World
I mean, is anyone surprised by this?
I’ll be completely honest – I saw this movie once, and literally never had to see it again. I can respect the fact that both Juni and Carmen were in this film as adults and were called “former” spy kids in this one, which was a great way to continue the story so that people knew that this took place in the same universe. But that’s really where the good stuff about this movie ends.
The effects, for 2011, are terrible. I can give the first film a pass, heck, even the third and the second, but Spy Kids: All The Time in The World came out in a post-Avatar world. The Marvel Cinematic Universe had already started at that point – and you’re telling me the effects look this bad? Come on, be for real now.
But let’s put aside the effects – movies don’t need great effects to be awesome, even if this whole entire franchise has put a heavy focus on that. The acting isn't great – which sucks because I really love Jessica Alba and Joel McHale – especially the latter as part of the Community cast. For a comedy-family movie, this should have been gold, but they were so stale in their roles, and the chemistry just wasn’t there.
Rowan Blanchard and Mason Cook get a pass since they were little kids, and acting sometimes takes time for kids to really develop a skill for it, but man, this film had nothing going for it. I literally have nothing good to say about this film.
4. Spy Kids: Armageddon
When I found out that the Spy Kids franchise was being rebooted, I didn’t know how to feel at first. As I said before, I wasn’t a huge fan of the attempt at a new movie in 2011, and I didn’t know if making a new movie at Netflix was going to be a good idea. They cast Zachary Levi and Gina Rodriguez as the adult stars, and it came out at the very end of September 2023.
And I’ll say it wasn’t horrible… but it certainly wasn’t the best either. I had many thoughts about Spy Kids: Armageddon.
I’ll say that I think certain things have improved. I liked Levi and Rodriguez’ performances, and the action scenes were pretty fun, which is a step up over the last film. But there was still something that felt lacking. There were several things – from the cliche storyline to the decently iffy acting from some of the performers to everything else, Spy Kids: Armageddon wasn’t the best movie.
I also think another major reason I didn’t like it was that it felt almost like the same kind of story from Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over with the usage of video games. That movie has the same concept but I just feel it’s delivered better – and feels a lot more fun than this.
But what I will say is that it was better than the last, I can realistically see this movie spinning off into another trilogy for the new generation, even if I wasn’t a huge fan of it.
3. Spy Kids 2: The Island Of Lost Dreams
Alright, here me out before the pitchforks come my way, but I really don’t like the second film in the Spy Kids franchise.
That’s not to say it isn’t a fun film – it is, and the critics scores of it show. It’s nice to see Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino back in action as the parents, the ones I really do love the heck out of, and Carmen and Juni are as badass as ever and we really get to see them show off their skills more.
But there’s just something about this film that doesn’t stick out for me, and quite frankly, I believe that’s because of the story. Maybe I’m just so used to the original film, but the second movie attempts to take things to an even bigger level and it didn’t really do it well. The effects were moderately improved in the second film but not by much.
And what really made this film sort of annoying is that there was almost too much focus on children in this movie, if that makes sense. I know it’s called Spy Kids, but I loved the original Spy Kids for the family dynamic just as much as I loved the children themselves, and I didn’t get much of that in this movie. There’s nothing wrong with focusing the attention on a lot of children, but I think there could have been a better balance, that’s all. I missed the parents a lot.
2. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over
I have a special place in my heart for Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over. Yes, I know that when it was initially released the critics didn’t like it as much, but let me tell you, as a kid – which is who the movie was marketed towards – I loved this film, way more than the second.
There are many reasons for this. While the film released way before I watched it (it came out in 2003 but I ended up viewing it for the first time in 2008), I was obsessed with it. I loved the video-game aspect of it because I'm an avid gamer and enjoy when any movie is able to incorporate it. And it was a nice change of pace from the international adventures that Juni and Carmen went on.
Not only that, but the film focuses a lot on Juni, who I think for a good portion of the first two movies felt equal to Carmen, but now we really get to see how much he has grown. I always loved both the kids but he was always my favorite of the two. Plus, this was actress Selena Gomez’s first movie appearance!
Jokes aside, I honestly do enjoy this film as an adult even now, especially since we live in a world where virtual reality is becoming more and more relevant. If you haven’t had the chance to view it in a while, I’d suggest seeing it. And I do think the angle they take in regards to video games is much better than Spy Kids: Armageddon.
1. Spy Kids
Obviously the original is number one, come on.
The first Spy Kids has so much going for it, from its incredible behind-the-scenes facts to its stellar cast to the story that is enjoyable for both adults and kids – there’s so much to love about it.
Both Daryl Sabara and Alexa Vega are awesome in their roles as Juni and Carmen, and don’t even get me started on their parents, played by the amazing Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino, because they are just the epitome of goals. The effects for 2000 aren’t that bad and are actually kind of campy and fun, and the story is full of heart.
Spy Kids is one of those movies that I’m pretty sure if I have kids down the line, I’ll show it to them, because who wouldn’t want the ability to just create McDonalds in their microwave? I need my children to see how crazy this is too.
Either way, the Spy Kids franchise is one I really do hold dear to my heart. I’m not sure if there will be more movies after this – and quite frankly, I’d be fine with the franchise just dying down slowly because it doesn’t need to last forever. But if there is, I’ll watch them and enjoy everything all the same.
