People love to complain about all sorts of things about the Harry Potter movies. In fact, the other day I was on social media, and I saw someone casually throw out that all the Harry Potter characters have stupid names. Umm, actually, no, they don’t. As a point of fact, there is a platform (9 3/4) full of wizards, witches, magical creatures, ghosts and other types of Hogwarts weirdos that have fantastic names, sometimes because they perfectly fit the character, sometimes because they’re outlandish in the best ways and sometimes because they just sound so good coming off the tongue.
Is every single name in the Harry Potter universe a banger? No. There are obviously some misses, but that’s a natural downside to having a well-developed world with hundreds of named characters, most of whom, by the way, have awesome names. So, let’s celebrate the best of the best. In honor of JK Rowling mostly discarding the normal in favor of the unusual, let’s celebrate the absolute best names in the Harry Potter Universe.
Nearly Headless Nick
I guess his name is technically Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, but to the students of Hogwarts, the castle’s most memorable ghost is known as Nearly Headless Nick on account of being, well, nearly headless. An unsharpened axe kept his head ever so slightly attached to his body and gave birth to his macabre nickname. Decades later, it still makes me laugh in a way that’s both sick and nostalgic, which feels fitting for Nearly Headless Nick.
Bellatrix Lestrange
Maybe my favorite character in all of the books, Bellatrix is a fanatic true believer weirdo with an old money aesthetic wrapped around a Deatheater spirit. She’s absolutely unhinged but in a sort of classy and cultured way. She’s the type of woman who would stab you but also send odd-looking flowers to the funeral because it would be rude not to. A lady like that needs a name that says we’ve been rich for centuries but also that we don’t play well with others. Rowling gave her that through her given and married names, and it’s right up there at the top for the whole series. Fingers crossed we get more from her in the future.
Lord Voldemort
JK Rowling used a little French language sleight of hand to pull Voldemort out, which roughly translates to “theft of death.” That’s a good way to describe Voldemort’s backstory, but even without that etymology, Voldemort works because it sounds sinister in an aristocratic sort of way. Someone named Voldemort could easily be a ladies man vampire in the 1700s who will take you to all the best parties before killing you. That might not be Voldemort exactly, per say, but there’s a little bit of that seductive vibe going on. Just ask Bellatrix.
Grawp
I’m not normally big on names that are likely to yield a wide variety of pronunciations, but in the case of this smaller than average giant, it’s fitting. Grawp looks exactly a Grawp should, and he’s probably as misunderstood as anyone named Grawp would be. I also appreciate that he’s the weird brother, which means he needs to have a weirder name than his brother, and given his brother’s name is Rebeus, which is already really weird, Rowling needed to go hard here. Mission accomplished.
Luna Lovegood
There’s something about the name Luna that just feels eccentric and good-natured, and it doesn’t get more eccentric and good-natured than Luna Lovegood. It’s a very fitting name, and yet, her name somehow gets even more eccentric and good-natured when she gets married and changes it to Luna Scamander. It’s like she becomes the advanced version of her hippy chick self, which a lot of fans connect with. If you don’t believe me, go search for Luna Lovegood on Etsy sometime. It’s a whole vibe.
Kingsley Shacklebolt
Alright, confession time. When people complain about Harry Potter names, I can see their point with this one. Sometimes I think about it and it really feels very clunky, overly direct and self-important. It’s like if you named a character Chiefston Handcuffthunder or some nonsense like that. But then again, other times I think about this name and it’s just really freakin cool. Sometimes the best names are right on that line between stupid and clever like Hulk Hogan and Alexander The Great, and right now, in this moment, I gotta admit I love Kingsley Shacklebolt. I just wish he was in the movies more.
Harry Potter
Look: I went back and forth on whether to include Harry. He’s right up there with Katie Bell and Lee Jordan for the least exciting name in the entire book. But given how it contrasts with most of the other key characters, that’s definitely the point. Harry is raised as a nobody with a nobody name, thank you very much, and he’s able to accomplish incredible things. The next hero could be any of us; so, credit to JK Rowling for keeping that focus and giving her lead character a name that’s boring but also sorta rolls off the tongue in a pleasing way.
Fawkes
Sometimes JK Rowling gets a little cheeky with her names, and this is, perhaps, the most obvious example. If you’re not up on English history, Guy Fawkes was a conspirator who was arrested and ultimately hanged for trying to blow up The House Of Lords in 1605. His failed plot is remembered on Guy Fawkes Day (“Remember, remember, the fifth of November…”) where people typically shoot off fireworks and light bonfires. As a phoenix, Fawkes repeatedly combusts into flames and is reborn in a life cycle process that's cooler than anything any of us will do in our whole lives.
Mrs. Norris
As a former veterinary hospital employee and an animal lover, I am an absolute sucker for pets that have human names. There is no more human name than “Mrs. Norris.” No one, except profound eccentric Argus Filch, the caretaker of Hogwarts, would ever think to name his cat Mrs. Norris. It’s a preposterous move but perhaps fitting for a cat primarily tasked with working as a snitch.
Hermione Granger
Easily the best name among the three primary main characters, Hermione Granger is a nice balance between aspirationally smart, gifted and normal. It feels like the sort of thing two dentists who accidentally had a magical daughter would go with, and in practice, it’s the sort of thing millions of people would fall in love with but not be entirely sure how to pronounce until the first movie came out. Admit it, you were probably one of them.
Vernon Dursley
I’ve got mixed feelings on The Dursleys. I love them as outrageous loser characters, but as far as their names go, I’ve always been a bit more of a mixed bag. Dudley has always felt a little too on the nose for an annoying side character and I’ve never felt like Petunia felt like a Petunia for some reason (although I appreciate the flower connection with her sister), but this dude in the picture above, that’s a Vernon. You could give me a Forgetfulness Potion, and I’d still guess this idiot is named Vernon Dursley. Some people just can’t be named anything else. The universe won’t allow it.
Cornelius Fudge
If I asked you if a world leader was good at their job and the only piece of information you had was that his name was Cornelius Fudge, would you assume that man was competent at his job? No, you wouldn’t. If pushed, you’d probably say you suspect he’s a weakling coward that’s unable to make tough decisions and constantly assumes everyone else is out to get him and after his job. Well named, JK Rowling. Well named.
Remus Lupin
This is another name people think JK Rowling went through the front door on, given lupine means pertaining to the wolf, and Lupin just happens to be, gasp, a werewolf. I get it. It’s not subtle, but in her defense, it’s a cool name that sounds like something someone might actually have. If you sorta put yourself in the mindset of a parent during that time and place, you could see yourself naming your kid Remus Lupin. It's got a real name flow to it, and by the way, names that overtly reference what the character is aren’t always so bad. Just ask Darth Vader.
Dolores Umbridge
Is there a more hatable character in this universe than Dolores Umbridge? The condescending tattletale witch infects everything she side-eyes with her bigoted views, hypocritical judgment and constant desire to suppress. In real life, I have no problem with the name Dolores, but paired with the last name Umbridge, it conjures immediate negative feelings. Put yourself back in middle school. If you had a teacher named Ms. Umbridge, would the kids have liked her? That’s an obvious no.
Sirius Black
A lot of the names we’ve talked about so far work for the characters because they feel villainous or evil. Sirius Black has a little of that but also some light to it. It’s the name of a scoundrel, a rogue who’s on the wrong side of the law but might be doing it for the right reasons. You probably don’t want your daughter marrying a guy named Sirius Black, but you probably do want him as your seventh best friend who pops up now and again for a crazy weekend and goes way too hard at all the bachelor parties.
Salazar Slytherin
I think more than any other name on this list, Salazar Slytherin sums up why I enjoy Rowling’s names so much and other people might sometimes have a problem. Slytherin is an obvious reference to a snake, which is used repeatedly throughout the Harry Potter books not only as a direct representation of the Slytherin House but also as a reference to trust. It’s very literal, but it also sounds really cool and just rolls right off the tongue. Sometimes the most conspicuous path is the right path, and I like how it’s used here.
Arabella Figg
Arabella Figg works as a name on two different levels, and that’s what I like about it. Ms. Figg works as a curmudgeonly babysitter who doesn’t have fun things to do at her house and isn’t overly pleasant. A woman like that would keep you physically safe but mentally bored out of your mind. Beyond that, however, Arabella Figg also works as an older woman who has some mystery to her. Arabella doesn’t feel like it’s that peculiar, but there’s still some style to it. It’s the sorta thing your traditional parents would approve of but also, the girl you know in college who's an art major.
Fleur Delacour
If you knew absolutely nothing about the Harry Potter Universe, and I told you to pick out the name of the most sophisticated, attractive and popular girl, you'd no doubt land on Fleur Delacour. You just know a girl like that is Beauxbatting off suitors left and right, while also having legitimately unique takes on life.
Peter Pettigrew/ Wormtail/ Scabbers
Oh no! One of your friends betrayed you. Do you think it was Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail or Prongs? Wormtail. It was obviously Wormtail. Oh no! One of the animals is actually a human being in disguise who is betraying his owner and spying for a supervillain. Do you think it was Hedwig, Crookshanks or Scabbers? Scabbers. It was obviously Scabbers. All of Peter Pettigrew’s alter-egos fit their missions, and his full name also works well enough for someone who always wants to hide in plain sight.
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Dumbledore is another character that accomplishes multiple things with his name. The most basic name, Albus Dumbledore, evokes the feeling of a knowledgeable wizard who has seen some things in his lifetime. It feels older and weary but also strong and powerful. It’s the right name for a headmaster and the character we’re supposed to respect the most. Then, his three middle names are where the personality gets added. Wulfric has an old world vibe about it and has a feeling of danger, and Brian feels just absolutely outlandish in this context, which shows off the subtle humor you get from the character now and again.
Nymphadora Tonks
Tonks would absolutely not put herself on this list. She hates the name Nymphadora and is mostly called Tonks or Dora throughout the novels. I’m putting her on this list, however, because rejecting her name feels very in character for her. It’s a great name specifically because it’s a bad name that helps build personality and separates her from many members of her family, including her aunt Bellatrix Lestrange, who ultimately comes for her. She’s her own person and that extends to being called what she wants to be called, which is not Nymphadora.
Neville Longbottom
Poor Neville can never catch a break, and that starts with his name, which has an awkward way about it and offers plenty of low hanging fruit for other kids to make fun of. To wizards of a certain age, it also immediately evokes bad memories, as Neville’s Longbottom parents had a very famous and very tragic run-in with Lord Voldemort. It’s the sort of name that belongs in Hufflepuff, which Neville agreed with, even if the Sorting Hat didn’t.
Rita Skeeter
A woman named Rita Skeeter is destined from birth to start rumors. She’s also destined from birth to have striking physical features, and she certainly does in both Rowling’s novels and the adaptations. From her long nails to her doubletake haircut, she’s not the journalist that blends into the background and writes what she sees. She’s the woman who makes the story, whether it’s there or not.
Professor Quirrell
With all due respect to Hermione, the name I really had trouble pronouncing the first time I read Harry Potter was Professor Quirinus Quirrell. Forget the first name, which feels like it’s missing an “i” between the “n” and “u.” I could never figure out where the emphasis was supposed to be on the last name. Queer-ul? Kwurl? Qwhy-earl? All this pronunciation confusion had me immediately suspicious of him the first time I read the book, which, I suspect was the point.
Fenrir Greyback
Hey, kids. Be careful when you go out tonight. Avoid strangers and no matter you do, stay away from Fenrir Greyback. He’s a werewolf who specifically targets children because he wants them to turn into werewolves so he can build a werewolf army. Doesn’t that feel like it could be an urban legend, a spooky story smaller kids tell even smaller kids to keep them from going into the woods? It would have worked on me.
Morfin Gaunt
There’s plenty of good options amongst the Gaunt family. Given they’re referenced characters from the past (and the original owners of the ring Voldemort used as a Horcrux), I didn’t want to choose too many for this list. Others may have picked Merope Gaunt or Marvolo Gaunt, but personally, I like Morfin. It villainous and makes me uncomfortable, but also, there’s a bit of weakness about it. It’s a good fit for a man that’s both bigoted and contemptible but also unfortunate enough to be framed for murders he didn’t commit.
Pomona Sprout
A lot of JK Rowling’s names dance around their literal definition. They evoke the feeling she wants in the character, through linguistic similarities, but they aren’t literally the word she’s going for. Not Professor Sprout, who teaches herbology and has a last name that literally references a process whereby plants grow. Others might hate it, but in this case, I like it. It’s the right name for a pleasant and goofy woman extremely interested in plants. It also reminds me of a paloma, which is refreshing in a natural tasting way and far superior to a mimosa.
Rubeus Hagrid
Big time shoutout to Rubeus’ parents, who were absolutely not going to give Rubeus or his brother Grawp simple or boring names. They were only interested in original ones that would make their kids sound like well-meaning ogres that can’t figure out how to live in polite society. I prefer Grawp, but Rubeus fits his personality well, as a man connected to the prestige and glory of the Wizarding World but also living separately as an outsider who can’t quite fit in. He also seems like the type of guy who would go by his last name, so bonus points there.
Lucius Malfoy
If someone named Lucius Malfoy was in charge of your bank loan, you’d probably assume you were getting fleeced. It’s a name that just screams white collar criminal. I thought the donation box for the orphans had more money in it! Nope. We had the town’s richest man, Lucius Malfoy, count it, and he assured us there was only fifty dollars, which he passed along in full. He’s one of the franchises most hatable characters, and bless JK Rowling for giving him a fantastic hatable name to go along with his spoiled personality.
Alastor Mad Eye Moody
Take a little bit of reference to famed occultist Aleister Crowley, throw in the more direct nod to rapid changes in temperament and add the unnerving appearance-based nickname Mad Eye and you know you’re in for a great character. In this case, one of my absolute favorites in the franchise, one who completely lives up to his unhinged name.
Argus Filch
Argos was a Greek God that had a hundred eyes. In that way, it’s a very literal name for a caretaker who makes sure the kids aren’t up to any mischief. By changing Argos to Argus, however, Rowling makes the name a bit more abrupt and rough. It’s coarser and less pleasant, which feels right for the Filch character, who continually rubs people the wrong way. Filch also feels right, given its proximity to filth and also, how short and punchy it is when combined with Argus.
Mundungus Fletcher
Mundungus Fletcher is on this list specifically because his first name is absolutely outrageous. It’s hard for me to believe any parent would name their child Mundungus, but it is, however, easy for me to accept that if a child was named Mundungus, he’d wind up involved in all kinds of schemes and illegal activities. In the Harry Potter universe, he sometimes uses those schemes for good, which feels right given his crazy town first name and his incredibly normal last name.
