I’m starting to have an affection for generic history epics. You know, the ones that look just like Gladiator or Troy or 300 or King Arthur or any movie that’s come out this decade that features shirtless men with ratty hair (well, that isn’t Knocked Up at least). They all seem to have a plot about a young man who must rise to his fate, and some feature ancient creatures or slave races or large pyramid.
Well 10,000 B.C., based on the trailer now available at G4, has all of those things! And, to top it all off, woolly mammoths! Isn’t that what they’re called—the caveman-era creatures that look like Snuffalufagus? Anyway, they’re all over the place, and we see lots of hairy dudes hunting them and also getting overrun by them.
I can’t make heads or tails of the plot from the trailer, other than it involves all the things I listed above, as well as some CGI-tigers that look so CGI you may as well be watching Beowulf. Speaking of which, they call the hero in this movie “the first hero,” which means he might be trying to give Beowulf a run for his money. I guess 10,000 B.C. predates 700 A.D. (when Beowulf was written), but until this guy slays something like Grendel, not a puny woolly mammoth, I’m not buying it.
10,000 B.C. comes out March 7, and will almost undoubtedly be bad and corny. Whether it’s awesomely bad is the real mystery, and I promise we’ll get to the bottom of that one as soon as possible.
