It was a time of neon colors; of spandex and pop music laced with synthesizers. And at the movies, audiences flocked to E.T., Back to the Future, the latest adventures from Indiana Jones, and the triumphs of underdogs like Rocky and The Karate Kid.
You can take some of the best movies from the 1980s, pop them on now, and enjoy them as excellent films, regardless of their release year. That’s not the case with every beloved ‘80s movie. Nostalgia’s a funny thing, and sentiments shared for popular movies tends to cloud our better judgments, allowing passion to affect taste. Now that several decades have passed between the release of these films and today, we’re able to recalibrate our opinions of accepted "hits" from the 1980s and realize, perhaps a little sheepishly, that there are movies that aren’t nearly as good as we once thought.
Let’s fire up the flux capacitor and revisit some gems from the ‘80s that just don’t hold up to scrutiny these days.
St. Elmo’s Fire (1985)
St. Elmo’s Fire, Joel Schumacher’s 1985 coming-of-age drama about a group of recent Georgetown University graduates struggling in the jump to adulthood, is one of those movies everyone hypes up, but when you start watching it, you discover it’s nothing but melodrama, self-absorbed characters, and some troubling subplots. Sure, it boasts an outstanding cast consisting of Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Andrew McCarthy, and three-fifths of The Breakfast Club, but they’re mostly wasted on overly-sappy (and problematic) stories. Save yourself some pain and suffering by watching John Hughes’ classic high school comedy, which came out just months earlier.
Howard The Duck (1986)
Howard the Duck failed to impress critics and audiences alike back in the summer of 1986, but the movie has become a cult classic in the decades following its release. The first live-action Marvel movie to land in theaters, this superhero comedy follows the titular anthropomorphic duck (Chip Zien) as he is transported from Duckworld to Cleveland, where all kinds of nonsense takes place. It’s got that “so bad it’s good” charm going for it, which does make it tolerable, but it would be cool to see a new version of the character (not just cameos in James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy franchise) to rectify the many issues with this one.
Iron Eagle (1986)
Even though it was released a few months before Top Gun, Iron Eagle has always been compared to it. While that is probably unfair to the Lou Gossett, Jr. movie, it doesn’t mean that Iron Eagle is good. It’s a silly movie, with a silly premise. Like a lot of ‘80s movies, the kids are the heroes. With this one though, it’s especially ridiculous as the kids are not only breaking into military facilities, but one is even stealing a fighter jet and flying across the ocean in it to save his father.
On Golden Pond (1981)
One thing that will continue to baffle me until my dying day is how anyone could think On Golden Pond was not only a good movie, but one that was good enough to win three Oscars. Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda both took home multiple awards for their portrayals of Ethel and Norman Thayer Jr., and Jane Fonda’s a talented actress in her own right, but Mark Rydell’s adaptation of the 1979 stage play of the same name is nothing but boring, overly-dramatic, soft-lit melodrama for the better part of two hours.
Krull (1983)
It’s a mystery when many Gen Xers have any nostalgia for Krull at all. It must be because few have seen it in the years since its release. It’s a storytelling mess with a convoluted plot that raised more questions than answers. The special effects might have been good at the time, but unlike other movies from the era, they have aged terribly. Like, really terribly.
Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)
Ted Kotcheff’s First Blood is this great meditation on how a country turns its back on a Vietnam veteran (Sylvester Stallone’s John Rambo) and disregards him as nothing more than a vagrant passing through a quiet Washington town. It has its action sequences, but it was far more dramatic and understated than what would follow. Its sequel, Rambo: First Blood Part II, directed by George P. Cosmatos, on the other hand, seems to miss the point of its predecessor and instead becomes an over-the-top and messy action spectacle. Is it fun to watch? Yes. But let’s not act like it’s even one of the best Rambo movies.
Caddyshack (1980)
You could make an argument for Caddyshack being one of the best sports movies of all time, as well as one of the funniest movies of the ‘80s. Both of those claims are more true than they’re not, but can we just agree that Harold Ramis’ star-studded comedy is nothing more than a series of funny scenes loosely tied together? Don’t get me wrong, the movie has some iconic quotes that never get old, but you could just watch the best moments on YouTube and save yourself a couple of hours.
Over the Top (1987)
Sylvester Stallone is one of the biggest superstars of the ‘80s, yet he made a lot of duds. Outside of the Rocky and Rambo movies, most of his movies weren’t very good. Over The Top is the perfect example. Though it’s remembered fondly these days, it’s really pretty stupid. A movie about arm wrestling? The campiness is, well, over the top, and the plot is just plain lazy.
Revenge Of The Nerds (1984)
The problematic plot of Revenge of the Nerds has been well-documented in recent years. It’s almost unbelievable that this movie ever got made, even in the politically incorrect (by today’s standards) ‘80s. Ultimately, it’s not as funny as it used to be, either. The jokes are, pardon the pun, sophomoric and cringy. It’s best to leave this one in the past, though it’s worth noting that John Goodman’s performance is still pretty funny.
Weekend At Bernie’s (1989)
The idea behind Ted Kotcheff’s Weekend at Bernie’s probably sounded great at the pitch meeting. The ‘80s were a time of corporate ladder climbing, and the two entrepreneurs played by Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman would go to impossible lengths to make it in business – even carting their boss’ corpse around a beachfront paradise. But in execution, it’s a physical gag that can only last for so long, and the movie’s gallows humor concept goes from pitch black to dumb to bland before the credits roll. How this movie actually got a sequel is beyond me.
Night of the Comet (1984)
Anyone with cable TV in the ‘80s probably watched Night Of The Comet multiple times. The question is, do they remember any of the plot, beyond the basics of Earth going through the tail of a comet? Probably not. When it was released, the world was gripped with Halley’s Comet fever in anticipation of that comet’s return in 1986, but with that hype long gone, the movie doesn’t have the same appeal, or any appeal at all, for that matter.
National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)
On paper, it made complete sense. National Lampoon’s Vacation was incredibly popular, so another trip with Chevy Chase’s Clark Griswold and the whole hilarious family was a no-brainer. Shift the location to Europe, then sit back and print the money. Yet, despite a few memorable lines ("Look kids! Big Ben. Parliament."), National Lampoon’s European Vacation was a slapdash series of middling skits tailored to each popular European location. A dog jumps off the Eiffel Tower. Clark backs into Stonehenge, knocking it over. By the time the storyline about an Italian thief kicks in, you’ll want to travel back home. It’s not the worst Vacation movie, but it’s certainly far from being the best.
Porky's (1982)
Okay, how this movie has become a classic is beyond me. Not only is offensive in all the worst ways, but it just isn’t funny! It wasn’t funny when it came out, and it's even less funny today if that’s even possible. The movie was so popular it spawned an entire franchise that cranked out two sequels that have been the butt of many jokes since. The teenage boys who loved it in the ‘80s would be bored by it today.
Look Who’s Talking (1989)
Look Who’s Talking is kind of cute, for a few minutes. A baby with Bruce Willis’ voice as his inner monologue comments on the social practices of his single mom (Kirstie Alley) and the latest man in her life (John Travolta). But like all of those comedies that lean on a talking fill-in-the-blank (a dog, a cat, a baby) to deliver all of its jokes, Look Who’s Talking wears out its welcome when it needs to move a story along.
Alley and Travolta have no chemistry to speak of, and Willis’ punchlines – penned by director Amy Heckerling – are amateur hour efforts that needed a punch up. Remarkably, Look produced two sequels! They weren’t nearly as good as this first movie… and this first movie’s pretty damn bad.
Tootsie (1982)
Duston Hoffman’s Tootsie was nominated for an astounding 10 Academy Awards, including Best Picture. It also made a ridiculous amount of money. Yet, whenever you talk about your favorite movies from the ‘80s, is Tootsie ever part of the conversation? It’s because ultimately it's completely forgettable. Sure, Hoffman’s performance is great, if problematic, and Teri Garr and Jessica Lange shine too, the latter winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, but for a comedy, there aren’t that many laughs, and the social commentary and biting sarcasm are dated and irrelevant today.
Footloose (1984)
There are two types of people in this world, those who love Footloose and those who hate it. I’ve always been in that second camp, but even setting aside my personal distaste for it, it’s just not a great movie. The dancing scenes are great, and if you want to watch the clips of Kevin Bacon rip it up, YouTube probably has ‘em. The plot is so thin and the characters so one-dimensional that it makes enjoying the whole movie impossible.
Friday The 13th (1980)
The one that started it all… except, in hindsight, it’s not that good. We probably don’t need a spoiler alert for a 43-year-old movie, but the original Friday the 13th didn’t involve the hockey-masked camp-counselor killer, Jason Voorhees. Rather, the series started off with his angry mother (Betsy Palmer) lashing out at the lazy teenagers she blames for her son’s death.
This is a matter of preference, but I thought the Friday the 13th series started finding its groove once Jason picked up his machete – to name one weapon – and started administering horror-movie vengeance on not-so-innocent victims. And, I thought the franchise got better as it got bloodier, grislier and, yes, more ridiculous (in a fun way). The 1980 film launched a legendary franchise and all-time great horror icon, but most sequels improved on this initial seed.
Conan The Destroyer (1984)
It makes sense that the producers would want to capitalize on the success of Conan The Barbarian and the popularity of its star Arnold Schwarzenegger with a sequel, Conan The Destroyer. They even added Grace Jones and Wilt Chamberlain to the cast, which, in hindsight, was part of the problem. Gone is the interesting story from the first one, and gone is all the charm. All we’re left with is Schwarzenegger’s epic muscles and a bad B-movie. Pass.
Police Academy (1984)
Studios, in the ‘80s, were desperate for the next Animal House. They all wanted to replicate the Slobs vs. Snobs formula, to pit outcasts against the establishment somehow, and the idea of setting that story in a police academy is inspired. But, the colorful characters assembled for Police Academy far outshine the sophomoric jokes propping up the screenplay – credited to five writers. George Gaynes warms your heart as the clueless Commandant Lassard. Michael Winslow milked his gimmick as the walking sound-effects machine. And Steve Guttenberg is legitimately great. However, Police Academy, as a movie, is not that good… and the formula thinned out considerably from sequel to sequel.
Annie (1982)
I recently re-watched Annie for the first time since I was a kid and while the songs are still great, and the dancing is still fun, the movie is… just bad. The performances are okay, but really, this is a musical that should’ve stayed on the stage. It feels bland, staid, and uninspired. It doesn’t have the pop that a great musical should have. Maybe it's the age of the movie – and it feels a lot older than it is – or maybe it’s just the movie itself, but it’s frankly boring.
Rad (1986)
BMX bikes were all the rage in the ‘80s. Right there with yo-yos and skateboards in the minds of junior high boys like me. Just like the fad itself faded away in favor of more “mature” forms of the sport like mountain biking, the movie Rad hasn’t aged well. It’s not even campy enough to enjoy as similar movies that were capitalizing on the fads like Gleaming The Cube are. The 13-year-old in me is still jealous of the stunts, but for that, there’s YouTube.
Cocktail (1988)
Cocktail ran on one of the cable stations a few years ago, and I started watching it from the get-go. However, it quickly became clear that Roger Donaldson’s…comedy (drama? romance?) had very little going for it beyond Tom Cruise’s megawatt smile and that cool visual trick of the spinning bottles. In all honesty, other movies have come to the screen powered by less.
The one thing that holds Cocktail back – and it’s a problem many alcohol-themed movies run into – is that there are endless scenes of people having a good time (in neon-drenched bars, in Jamaica, where Cruise romances Elisabeth Shue), but we’re not having fun. Can someone spin a bottle again, because Bryan Brown’s subplot about his professional conflicts with Cruise put me to sleep.
Girls Just Want To Have Fun (1985)
It’s rarely a good idea to make a movie based on a song. Girls Just Want To Have Fun is no exception. It’s fondly remembered because it was on cable TV every day in the mid-’80s, and it was a breakout film for Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt, and Shannon Doherty, but it's not like people are posting quotes on social media from it today. It’s completely forgettable and I’ll wager that even those that think they love it from back in the day, hardly remember what it is really about. I barely do and I watched it recently.
Superman III (1983)
When people list of the best superhero movies, the first two of Christopher Reeve’s Supermans are usually on the list. The third one, which was a huge hit, is never mentioned. It features a bizarre performance from Richard Pryor of all people as the henchman of sorts to Robert Vaughn’s villain Ross "Bubba" Webster. It’s supposed to be funny, but it's not. It’s also not inspiring like the first two. It offers very little entertainment value at all, despite the all-star cast.
Mannequin (1987)
Man, Andrew McCarthy loved picking mediocre comedies with ridiculous concepts. In Mannequin, as you might imagine, the spirit of an ancient Egyptian is transported into the "body" of a department-store mannequin. Along the way, the mannequin designer (McCarthy) falls in love with his latest creation… who happens to be the beautiful Egyptian. They team up to create beautiful window displays, all set to the Oscar-nominated music of Jefferson Starship. The problem is that most music videos have more plot than Mannequin, and while McCarthy and Kim Cattrall were cute together, and James Spader gives a great performance, the movie’s a sappy, sloppy mess.
Three Men And A Baby (1987)
The Leonard Nimoy-directed Three Men And A Baby starring Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and Tom Selleck made an astounding $240 million dollars in 1987. That’s roughly $650 million today. It was a really moment in time too, when you look back on it, because wow it is a bizarre and, honestly, not very funny movie. It plays up male stereotypes to their comedic hilt, but not in a good way. I guess it did then, as people seemed to love it, but I’ve always found it inane and boring. Even my love of Tom Selleck can’t save it.
Flashdance (1983)
As a music video, Flashdance is amazing. As a movie? It’s pretty tired and dated. Director Adrian Lyne made some interesting movies in the ‘80s including 9 ½ Weeks and Fatal Attraction, but beyond the soundtrack and stylish presentation of that music, Flashdance doesn’t offer much.
Mommie Dearest (1981)
Our family still doesn’t use wire hangers or clean the bathrooms with Comet because of this damn movie. There’s "camp," and then there’s Mommie Dearest, the based-on-horrible-but-true accounts of Christina Crawford’s abused childhood under the demanding eye of Joan Crawford (played without an ounce of restraint by Faye Dunaway).
An unintentional comedy, Mommie Dearest has become a how-to manual for awful parents – my favorite scene is Joan beating Christina in a swimming race, then explaining how the daughter will never beat her mother because she’s not strong enough. Aside from a few ludicrously overblown scenes, the hazy biopic struggles to hold our interest, painting with far-too-broad strokes as it creates a Hollywood monster out of a supposed icon.
The Big Chill (1983)
Baby Boomer nostalgia hit its peak in the 1980s with TV shows like The Wonder Years, and even weird ill-advised reboots like The New Leave it to Beaver. Nothing personified that nostalgia more than The Big Chill. Filled with ‘60s music and a cast of Boomers playing characters trying to relive or rewrite their youth, the movie is just sentimental schlock and unless you were a hippie-turned-yuppie in the ‘80s, you can forget about enjoying this one. The music is still pretty great though.
Short Circuit (1986)
Short Circuit is sort of like Chappie… only, 30 years later, audiences knew better and just skipped the movie about the emotional robot, altogether. Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy (both of whom seemed to appear in just about everything for a stretch of years) find an experimental military robot constructed for use during the Cold War who comes to "life" after being struck by lightning.
Mixing E.T. with Pinocchio (and several other easy sources), Short Circuit charmed audiences at the time. The film’s clunky comedy and Cold War "tensions" – which director John Badham also explored in WarGames – make it a time-capsule relic that’s dated and dull. Like so many movies on this list, Short Circuit benefitted from having a hit song, "Who’s Johnny," that likely helped sell more tickets than was necessary.
Above The Law (1989)
There was a brief moment in the late ‘80s when Steven Seagal was the biggest action star in Hollywood. Bigger than Sly, Arnold, and Bruce. He was, for a brief window, huge. His first movie, Above The Law, launched that improbable era and while it was action-packed and brought something new to the genre, it wasn’t good then, and it’s not good today. It’s impossible to watch even the good Seagal films, or “film” as the case may be with Under Seige, and not see the modern-day Seagal who churns out straight-to-video movies dozens at a time it feels like.
Breakin’ / Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)
Steven Spielberg gets a lot of credit – and deservedly so – for putting out two movies in the same year. Few can wrap their brain around being able to deliver Amistad and The Lost World: Jurassic Park in the same year, let alone Minority Report and Catch Me If You Can or Jurassic Park and Schindler’s List. So I’ll applaud the producers behind the Breakin’ films for cranking out back-to-back breakdancing movies… even if both of them are unspeakably bad.
Both Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo captured a movement relevant to this time. They are to the 1980s what the Step Up movies are to the 2000s. And Electric Boogaloo has become the default joke for ANY movie that gets an unwarranted sequel. The acting, direction and screenwriting in both films is atrocious, and the movies are so awful that you can’t even entertain yourself by making fun of them. Moonwalk into another decade, and hope for better results.
These aren’t the worst movies of the ‘80s (for the most part, anyway), but none is as good as memory or hype would lead you to believe.
