There are three new releases headed into theaters this weekend, as completely different as three movies could be. Which one will take top dollar? Well, this is America 2007. Sad as it might be, put your money on the one that's been touting a practically naked computer animated Angelina Jolie for the last two months.
Beowulf [Read the CB Reivew] features Anthony Hopkins, Ray Winstone, Angelina Jolie and Crispin Glover, each of them in a CG representation and each of them completely nude at some point or other in the movie. Three out of the four also spend most of the movie hacking and slashing, or in Crispin's case (as the monster Grendel), picking up humans and biting off their heads as the audience watches him chew for the better part of thirty seconds. It may be rated PG-13, but this is a rated R movie that somehow snuck in under the radar as an "animated" movie. I know those folks at the MPAA are a little goofy in the head sometimes, but this is ridiculous. The promise of action and truly stunning visual effects will draw the big crowds this weekend and, I predict, send Beowulf straight to number one. The video game generation would never turn down the equivalent of a two hourlong cinematic.
I'd like to say that the number two movie will be close behind, but I'm afraid I don't think that will be the case. The disarming Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium [Read the CB Reivew] offers a lighter, more heart-warming fare for those not up to watching classic literature gone wild. Dustin Hoffman, Jason Bateman and Natalie Portman might not be showing any skin, but at least they'll be giving you a movie with characters that don't look like they leapt out of a Shrek movie. It's nice to know that there's a gentler option for audiences, but I expect the Emporium to play a distant second fiddle to Grendel and friends.
Love In The Time Of Cholera [Read the CB Reivew] will also be arriving in theaters, but in less than one third of the other two new releases. Popping up in just under 900 venues, the story about a man and woman who express their passion for each other by getting it on with everyone else but their beloved will be lucky to make the top ten at all. If it even makes it it, look for it in the seven to nine spot. Who knows. Maybe there are more Benjamin Bratt fans out there than I thought.
