If summer 2007 was the summer of the threequel, then summer 2008 is destined to be… well I’ll be damned some of these movies do not have a number after their name. Some of them don’t even have subtitles. Summer 2008 would appear to be the year when Hollywood attempts to kick off new blockbuster franchises, since we’re all getting tired of the old ones. Except Transformers. People love Transformers.
Hold on, don’t be frightened members of the unwashed masses. This summer has plenty of franchise follow-ups as well. It’s just that mixed in among the Dark Knights and Narnias, for a change a few newish ideas have managed to squeeze in the cracks. For every Indiana Jones 4 there’s a WALL-E or a Hancock. They may not all be good, but they’re likely to grab your attention. Use this as your guide to the biggest movies blasting their way into theaters this summer. Click the titles below for more info on each film.
Iron Man
Why you should care: The cast is the best ever assembled for a men in tights flick, and the trailers have been knocking your iron underwear off for months now. Be there for a midnight showing!
Speed Racer
Why you should care: Because it's the first movie directed by Wachowski brothers since they made us hate The Matrix with those unnecessary sequels. Besides, the trailers may be bright and garish but they’re also giddy and fun. It’ll either change the way we think about family movies forever, or it’ll be the worst movie of 2008. No middle ground here between genius and dreck.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Why you should care: Because Disney has already decided they won’t be making many more of these, and there isn’t another Harry Potter movie until November. Enjoy Aslan while we have him.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Why you should care: Harrison Ford is not too old to play Indiana Jones and you aren’t too old to remember munching popcorn in a movie theater with your Dad when Raiders of the Lost Ark first came out. Crack the nostalgia whip!
War, Inc.
Why you should care: It’s John Cusack’s attempt to tackle the Iraq war with dark satire. It can’t possibly worse than the actual war.
Sex and the City the Movie
Why you should care: You’re a woman.
Why you should care: Because as Chris Farley long ago proved, fat people doing kung fu is funny. Even if the fat person is actually an animated panda voiced by Jack Black.
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
Why you should care: You either like Adam Sandler or you don’t; but for those of you who don’t, this time he teamed up with comedy guru Judd Apatow to write Zohan’s script.
The Incredible Hulk
Why you should care: Because Marvel is getting rid of all that thoughtful, Ang Lee/Eric Bana junk and delivering Hulk Smash. Isn’t that what fans want?
The Happening
Why you should care: M. Night Shyamalan tries to make something people don’t hate for the first time since Signs. Good luck M. Night.
Get Smart
Why you should care: Because Steve Carell is nearly as funny as the guy he’s replacing (Don Adams), and because Maxwell Smart’s shoe phone never goes out of style.
The Love Guru
Why you should care: Mike Myers has created his first new franchise character since he became embroiled in the world of Austin Powers. Notice I didn’t promise it would be a good character. The jury’s still out on that.
Wanted
Why you should care: I miss the Angelina Jolie that could act, but at least she’s pretty good at action. If hot babes shooting guns is your thing, then Wanted is the thing to see. Yes, I’m counting James McAvoy as a hot babe.
WALL-E
Why you should care: Pixar makes a futuristic robot powered tribute to the classic Charlie Chaplin silent film City Lights... and I bet you won’t even think twice about it while you’re buying your kids Happy Meal toys.
Hancock
Why you should care: Because Will Smith is one of the few Hollywood mega-stars who hasn’t done a superhero movie. It’s his turn. Next it would be Tom Cruise’s turn, except he’s already a Scientology superhero in real life.
The Wackness
Why you should care: It was the best movie at Sundance and it’s one of the best movies of the year, though you might not know it from the film’s misfired trailer. The soundtrack is cool as ice and the movie is a loving, coming of age tribute to growing up in the 90s. Hey, I remember those years!
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Why you should care: Hellboy is one of the best characters on screen, ever. Hopefully with the sequel Del Toro has figured out how to make a movie worthy of his devilish lead actor. Fighting a CGI tentacle just isn’t going to cut it this time Guillermo.
Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D
Why you should care: New Line Cinema tries to get the jump on James Cameron’s fully 3D upcoming movie Avatar by beating him to the punch with a 3D movie of their own. Using Jules Verne as a source material should make it a winner, though early trailers have seemed gimmicky and disappointing.
The Dark Knight
Why you should care: There’s the whole Heath Ledger’s legacy thing, but I’m seeing it because it’s Batman. Remember him? He’s the star of this movie, not that clown.
Mamma Mia!
Why you should care: Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan bust a groove to Abba tunes in this year's big musical.
Hounddog
Why you should care: See it to find out if underage Dakota Fanning is actually naked and raped on film, as all the controversy surrounding this thing suggests. On second thought, that sounds like a pretty good reason not to see it.
Space Chimps
Why you should care: Monkeys in spaaacce! The guys of MST3K have probably been waiting their entire lives for precisely this movie. So by the way, have I.
X-Files: I Want To Believe
Why you should care: Because you only recently started watching the X-Files series box set, and have absolutely no idea that this franchise stopped being cool ten years ago. Get back to sleeping with women on film for HBO Duchovny!
Step Brothers
Why you should care: See it to rekindle your faith in Will Ferrell’s ability to be funny. He plays step brothers with John C. Reilly, and we get sweater vest comedy aplenty.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Why you should care: Because really cool special effects and Brendan Fraser’s impish grin can, occasionally, make something fun out of even the worst script. Plus, that crummy scorpion from the end of the last one won’t be in it, which already means it’s already better than its predecessor.
Pineapple Express
Why you should care: It’s the world’s first stoner action movie! Written and produced by the guys who brought you Superbad. Starring half the bad-boy cast of Freaks and Geeks! Toke up and prepare to have your life changed.
Tropic Thunder
Why you should care: Ben Stiller directing for the first time since Zoolander, and he chooses a movie that looks a lot like a loose remake of The Three Amigos. Plus, Robert Downey Jr. in non-offensive blackface. Is that even possible?
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Why you should care: Star Wars will never die, as long as there’s money for George Lucas to squeeze out of it. This time it returns to theaters as an animated movie, which will kick off a new animated television series on television. You can’t go wrong with CGI wookies.
Bangkok Dangerous
Why you should care: Nic Cage has a new wig.
Babylon A.D.
Why you should care: Vin Diesel returns to science fiction, this time as a delivery boy in post-apocalyptic Europe. Ok, you probably won't care, unless you're one of the few people who still hasn't given up on the big Diesel.
