The answer to the always puzzling question, "How do you make $175 million disappear," G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, is still getting a sequel despite how much the movie sucked. And I'm not talking about a marginal and excusable amount of suck here; I'm talking about a "wrapped both lips around it and pulled til it got a huge mouthful" kind of suck. It made money, but there's no reason to throw a sequel on top of this. It's like studios don't hear reviews or listen to their target audience. In the rare occasion where an immediate reboot is allowed, this is one of those times.
Alas, Lorenzo di Bonaventura sat down with MTV recently and spouted off about his hopes to keep the franchise alive and get a sequel to us in the Summer of 2012, hopefully AFTER we've all been killed in a firey explosion of the Earth's core. The megaproducer waxes poetic about how the sequel's scope will remain huge with an upgraded weapon base:
You always want to evolve things forward. We're not just going to settle for the same weaponry or the same toys that we had before — I mean that more in a military sense than in a kid sense. I think 's part of the component of "G.I. Joe." are those advanced technologies — what can they do and how do they work? — and just some fun to the gizmos. It's part of that brand.
Apologies to those of you who after seeing District 9 still thought G.I. Joe had decent effects, and apologies to those of you who saw The Hurt Locker and still thought G.I. Joe had decent acting. G.I. Joe was a flagrant and undeniable piece of shit and it's those people who paid money to see it that encourage the studio to make a sequel. So for the love of the gods, please resist the urge to swipe your card at the ticket kiosk in two years and actually spend your hard earned cash on what will most certainly be the lamest movie of the summer.
