The Holiday Blend 11/24 – 11/28 The Weekend Blend joins the overeating and vacationing from work with a special Thanksgiving Holiday Edition. Everything is opening Wednesday instead of Friday this week, to get a shot and snagging your Thanksgiving Day dollars. You’re all off of work Thursday and Friday. You’ve engaged in gluttony, watched all the football you can stand, and now you want to see a movie. You need guidance. Stick with me and find out which movie you should watch over the extended weekend.
A Very Long Engagement (opens 11/26)
A Very Long Engagement is only debuting on four screens this weekend (in NY and LA of course), but even were it on 3000 I wouldn’t send anyone out to see it. Here’s an opinion I usually keep secret: Audrey Tautou isn’t nearly as cute as she’s cracked up to be. In fact, in Amelie she’s borderline annoying. If you’re coming up with a big “Huh?” when I mention her name, that’s only because you’re not cool enough to watch a lot of French flicks. A Very Long Engagement joins the ever growing crowd of boring movies about romances set in the middle of a war. Having already sat through the very disappointing Head in the Clouds earlier this year, neither I nor anyone else should have to sit through another one. Frankly, I was damned sick of this story type after the overrated awarding of Cold Mountain. I could do without watching the French version of it. Much like Star Trek, war-romance movies need to go away for awhile.
Christmas with the Kranks (opens 11/24)
After Thanksgiving everyone drags out the Christmas lights, starts inexplicably enjoying horrible Christmas music, and yes, seeing really horrible Christmas movies at the theater. Christmas with the Kranks fits that bill. The past couple of years we’ve been blessed with instant Christmas classics to enjoy in the theaters like Elf or skewed on the darker, disturbed, fuck me Santa side of Christmas, Bad Santa. This year we’re stuck with the freaky pod people of The Polar Express and a movie in which the biggest comedic moment is Jamie Lee Curtis pretending to be utterly terrified by a pair of rather nice leather gloves. That’s the best you’ll get in the confused, holiday mess that is Christmas with the Kranks. The movie doesn’t know what it wants to be, where it’s going, or what the hell it’s trying to say. Is Christmas an evil cult or a joyous holiday celebration of love? The only thing for certain is that in Kranks Christmas sure isn’t much fun.
Alexander (opens 11/24)
It is my extremely dubious duty to inform you that Alexander is probably your best bet to perhaps see a truly new release over the holiday weekend without it being too painful. Assuming of course you are a well adjusted, intelligent, and open minded person who doesn’t start pushing for an amendment to “ban the fags” every time you see two guys kissing. Alexander will contain a lot of that, which is just fine by me, since the Greeks really dug guy on guy action. What may not be fine by me is the strong possibility that the movie will be absolutely terrible. The reviews are pretty negative and frankly the advertising for it hasn’t done a damn thing to woo me into thinking it’ll be any good, beyond the titillating possibility of a horse vs. elephant match up (no that isn’t another gay reference). Still, this is an Oliver Stone movie and that means it MIGHT be worth giving a chance, especially in a release week when your only other new option is Christmas with the Kranks. If somehow you already saw my actual pick when it was in extremely limited release or when it was shown at hundreds of sneak screenings across the country, I’ll forgive you if you insist on having a look at this. But otherwise, scroll down and find out why you’ll be seeing Finding Neverland.
Finding Neverland (widens 11/24)
It’s been weeks languishing in major market limited release while most of the country and the world sits through forced viewings of National Treasure and After the Sunset, but finally one of the year’s best film has gotten around to being released in Iowa. It it’s playing in Iowa, there’s a good chance it is playing near you. Finding Neverland opens in 800 theaters this weekend which means the odds that you can find it are good, though it may take a little work. It’s worth it to see Johnny Depp’s absolutely amazing performance in a film that’s family friendly enough to be PG, but mature enough that the PG doesn’t mean it’s been watered down. In fact it’s a pretty deeply emotional film that puts its own spin on the creative genius of a classic author. Don’t worry, you will not be required to read anything before or during this movie. Yes I know; reading is for losers. It’s a perfect holiday movie that really doesn’t have a damn thing to do with the holidays. It also isn’t a “Peter Pan” movie, so you don’t even have to like that to love it. It’s the story of J.M Barrie and one of Depp’s best dramatic roles. Watching it just leaves you feeling right. Get out there and make Finding Neverland your pick for the extended weekend. In fact, you’ve got enough time to see it twice.
Still In Theaters and Worth Your Time: The Incredibles, Kinsey, Sideways, National Treasure, Alfie
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