Interview: Borat Sagdiyev

Sacha Baron Cohen is really going all out for his film, Borat. To ensure that the character becomes embedded in the American consciousness, he performed all interviews in the character of Borat. Questions were pre-screened to fit within the schtick, but it was still hilarious. Borat began with a brief autobiography.

“My name is Borat Sagdiyev,” said Borat. “I a son of Asim Balat Sagdiyev and Boltolk the rapist. I am former husband of Osana Sagdiyev who was daughter of Mary Anne Pulakby and Boltolk the rapist. My hobbies is disco dance, table tennis and also taking photographs of ladies doing toilet without their knowledge. Why not? They do not know. I have previous work as icemaker and gypsy catcher. And I was also work in computer maintenance. I was the one who paints the outside and then remove the dead bird from its pipes. I have three children: Bilalk, Bilam and Huey Lewis who is 12 years old. He has a two children. Bilalk who is 13 has American pen friend called Mr. Foley. He say meet in hotel room. Is nice. My sister make my family very proud by being number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. I was recently awarded, she recently received award from Kazakh Minister of Industry for best sex in mouth. I also who have a brother named Bilo. He is a retard with small head, but very strong arms. He has 204 teeth, 201 in mouth and three in nose. My first wife is dead. High five! She was shoot by a hunter who mistake her for a bear because she has much arm on her arms and back. No problem. I have a new wife. But, I like cheat. Yes, I looking at you.”

Through making his film about American life, Borat has learned of the differences between our government and his own. “There are small differences between our system of politic. In Kazakh elections, for example, the winner is not the man with the most votes, but the candidate who can carry a woman against her will for the furthest distance. Our present leader can manage 4.3 miles. How long can premier Bush? There are other differences too. In America, a woman can vote, but the horse cannot. That is unusual. We say in my country, ‘To give a woman a vote is like to let the monkey fly the plane’ Very dangerous. We do not do this anymore since the 2001 Orexca air crash.”

Borat’s Myspace page has been critically lauded, but Boat himself is having some trouble with the internet. “I have tried hard on the Internet to meet a nice Western girlies for chitchat and sexy times. My preferences is ladies with yellow hair, plow experience and little or no history of retardation in family. I have even offer television with remote control, a red dress and two strong shoes, all of which I will remove from the body of my late wife. But, in return I insist that they will not cheat on me. I must say I am the second Kazakh man ever on MySpaces. The first was the minister of agriculture, Moorat Sukeyev, but his page was taken down because of a sex crime. It is no problem, he is now posing as Johnny Texas, age 11. He has already received 200 messages from your Mr. Foley.”

Borat is a documentary of Borat’s travels through the heartland and the people he meets along the way. Now that he’s a Hollywood player, Borat hopes to meet some of the celebrities he admires as well.

“I would most like to meet some of the new Hollywood starlets. In particular, Elizabeth Taylor, [growls]. I would also like to meet fearless anti-Jew warrior, Melvin Gibson. We in Kazakhstan agree with his comments that the Jews started all wars and we also have proof that they were responsible for killing off all the dinosaurs. Also, Hurricane Katrina. They did it. It’s a long story. I would also like to have an encounter with American football player, American football hero O.J. Simpson who is a huge star in my country and has earlier this year visited capital Almaty, where he judged the Ms. Kazakhstan contest. Our ladies very much like this muscular man, ya? One contestant was so crazy on him that she breaked into his hotel room while he was sleeping. She then stab herself to death and covered his clothes in blood. Fanatic!”

In conclusion, Borat continues to affirm that he and Sacha Baron Cohen are different people. “I have said before, I have no connection with Mr. Cohen and I fully support my government’s decision to sue this Jew.”

Borat opens Friday.