Posters exist for movies that are coming out some time soon. We have them. We keep them to ourselves, but take pictures of them to prove to you that they actually exist. Then I make fun of them. This week we protest the rising cost of lesbians.
"One Heterosexual Male. 18 Lesbians. His Fee $10,000... Each." Where did this guy find eighteen hot lesbians willing to date him? And PAY to date him?? Did he travel back in time to 1995, grab a cell phone, and then call some sort of reverse lesbian pimp? Is he frightened or delighted? You’d think he’d been cast in an Eddie Murphy movie. I wonder if She Hate Me because I use bad grammar or because I’m claiming to be heterosexual yet dating women whom I know will never have any interest in me.
At what point does Mathew Lillard get more recognition than Josh Hartnett? See that tiny print under the movie title? One of those names is Lillard’s. Lillard is the only good thing in Scooby Doo. What does Josh Hartnett have on his resume? A movie that insulted veterans and a comedy so bad that people wouldn’t go see it even though Harrison Ford was in it. Let Lillard have the girl, Hartnett can play the janitor, or the good-hearted stoner who loves the feel of wicker, or whatever half-assed role they’ve stuck Mathew in this time around for Wicker Park.
From the creators of Ringu comes an evil blood-sucking baby of death. Soon to be appearing on the Ally McBeal reunion show where he’ll dance and then stab lawyers over lattes. He’s Ju-On and he’s bearing a Grudge.
Stuart broke this one earlier in BNN and had some lovely comparisons to Vulcans and Roger Moore. What bothers me is the gun. Is it real? I keep looking for a sticker on the side that says “Tonka”. Granted, they make toy trucks not plastic artillery, but if Tonka made weaponry I imagine that’s what it would look like. Only they’d probably paint it yellow. Funny, I thought that they should have left him alone too. At least we’re all in agreement on The Bourne Supremacy.
Ok, this is the poster that matters. Garden State is one of the movies I’m most looking forward to. Despite what the poster might indicate, it is in fact not a movie about storm trooper hippies. That’s Zach Braff, Natalie Portman, and Peter Sarsgaard up on that dumpster of love. While they may occasionally indulge, they are not stoners, nor would they resort to remaking the best of Cheech and Chong. They do however seem to have no problem protecting their garbage with flower power.
Got a comment? .
SUBMIT A SCOOP
