Posters exist for movies that are coming out some time soon. We have them. We keep them to ourselves, but take pictures of them to prove to you that they actually exist. Then I make fun of them. This week we fall to the dark side.
I still haven’t seen this movie, despite numerous attempts, but the posters for it (this new one being no exception) seem every bit as forced as the trailer. Hey look at me! I’m nerdy! I’m quirky! Don’t I have interesting and funny indie film written all over me? Just look at all the corduroy I’m wearing! That’s CRAZY! Napoleon, you may just be a pale impression of Steve Urkel.
What gorgeous book covers these banners would make. They aren’t bad as posters either. Unfortunately, with not a single set yet built for the upcoming film version of C.S. Lewis classic fantasy novels, The Chronicles of Narnia, they have little to do with what we’ll actually be seeing in the film. They have about as much relevance as say… those elvish character teaser posters they released before we saw anything else for Fellowship of the Ring way back in 2000. Remember? The official color of FOTR was GREEN or some nonsense and we of course were all very excited. At least the Narnia people have given their fans wildly irrelevant and extremely pretty pictures instead of just a teaser color.
I think at one time or another we’ve all dreamed of drowning Mathew Lillard. This poster is simply one director living out that fantasy for all of us. The real mystery here is how the third bit player from Ashton Kutcher’s crappy MTV “Punk’d” show ended up becoming famous enough to deserve top billing on his own movie poster. Look! There’s his name down there in the bottom right corner! Who the hell is Dax Shepard, and when did Seth Green begin sinking to his level?? Was it when he left “Buffy” or was it the failure of Rat Race? Either way, Dax Shepard is a nobody who showed up in a few sketches on a crappy cable show, barely a notch above Ashton Kutcher’s camera man, and now he’s been given a feature film. I’m sure next he’ll be teaming up with Jackie Chan. This is like giving Johnny Knoxville’s midget a pile of unearned cash and his own mega-budget movie.
Here’s a GORGEOUS pack of posters promoting the impending DVD release of a bastardized version of the hallowed original Star Wars trilogy on DVD. Why isn’t there a warning on the one sheet? Warning: This movie may be hazardous to your continued enjoyment of these films.
Each is stunning, beautiful, and would be completely comfortable on my wall if they weren’t hawking potentially inferior goods. I love the way they’ve used lightsabers from each movie to give each poster its own color and glow. Granted, technically these are all just floating heads, but floating heads with spaceships, lightsabers, muppets, and all sorts of other geeky things which make the floating heads pretty damn cool. Will I be buying these DVD’s? Probably not if the rumors about what Lucas has done to them are true. But the posters are making me giddy and weak. I feel a sudden need to reserve a copy. This artwork is clearly strong in the darkside.
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