I think by now we can all sit down, hold hands and acknowledge that yes, Eragon really sucks. It’s the second coming of Dungeons and Dragons. Even the book’s fans have been for the most part forced to admit it. Heck, most of them knew the movie would stink even before seeing it. Our comments section for Eragon is filled with fans of the books proclaiming their loyalty to Eragon by vowing to see the movie even if it’s a piece of crap. The result? Eragon has managed to make $40 million dollars. But is supporting garbage really the best way to do your duty to something you love? What does loyalty to a beloved property really mean?
Take the upcoming werewolf romance movie Blood and Chocolate. It’s based on a novel by Annette Curtis Klause. I’m going to assume the book is good, since it seems to have actual fans (though of course that’s not always an indicator… ‘Charmed’ had fans too). Great, but even the most blinded fanboy can tell you with one look that the movie is going to absolutely suck. In fact, many of the book’s fans have admitted as much.
In our Blood and Chocolate comments section here, one fan named Chi says, “I love the book i mean ive red it 6 times -.- im happy there making a movie but the trailer was a little off.....im still being loyal to what my heart says and I’m going to see the movie and even if the people who made it fucked up the movie.” Now there’s honesty. She may not like capitalization or punctuation, but give her some credit for being truthful. She knows the movie is going to stink, but she’s seeing it anyway out of loyalty. Wait, is that the way to be loyal.
Shouldn’t loyalty to something you love mean demanding it be treated properly? If someone takes your favorite shoes and drops them in bucket of paint, do you pay the guy who ruined them $8.50 and then pull the shoes out and wear them anyway out of loyalty to the memory of how awesome they used to be? It makes more sense to throw them in the trash and then pop the bastard who did it on the chin as payback.
Sometimes it’s hard to accept when something you love has been royally screwed up. There are still people who insist they love The Phantom Menace. It’s too hard to face the truth, because facing that truth somehow tarnishes the good memories of the great things that came before it. But truth it is. If Hollywood takes a dump on something you care about, don’t reward them by buying a ticket. Don’t defend it. You’re only encouraging them to do it again, and again, and again. Today it’s Blood and Chocolate they’re turning into a diarrhea slushy, tomorrow it’s G.I Joe and My Little Pony. Protect the things you love, protect your memory of them by refusing to settle for Uwe Boll adaptations and the utter ruination that accompanies Paul W.S. Anderson. That’s loyalty, not handing over your money to someone who’s just given you a fanboy concussion.
So just say no to fantasy movies starring Jeremy Irons (seriously he’s in every bad fantasy movie ever made). Say no to the unending stream of prequels, sequels, and crap re-imaginations, remakes, and do-overs. Say no to bad filmmakers who box film critics, say no to on the cheap adaptation. Say no to Michael Bay. Sometimes real loyalty means resisting the temptation to buy tickets.
