We are coming off some big, big holiday highs, but it seems that we are starting off the year 2016 with a largely low key week (though that’s pretty much the tradition). Suffice it to say, it looks like it may be a rough one this time around. Get ready for The Forest and The Masked Saint.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at This Rotten Week has to offer.
Rotten Watch Prediction
If my sister wandered into a haunted forest because she wanted to be alone or something like that, well let’s just say I’d probably just let her go. Why double down on a mistake when it comes to ghouls, ghosts and the idea that I might have to solo camp in a rinky-dink little tent. That last piece alone would be enough for me to avoid the excursion, forget about the haunted evil roaming through the trees.
See a different sister who makes a bad mistake in the trailer for The Forest below:
Starring Queen Margaery herself, Natalie Dormer, The Forest eschews the haunted house in favor of just a haunted forest. It appears to have all the same beats as your typical horror flick, with lots of stuff appearing behind the lead actress just when you think she is all alone, or subtle whispering coming from all angles. Or other scary things appearing where there was just open space. It’s got it all.
Movies like The Forest come out about 10-15 times a year. They are almost always the same and very rarely lay any new groundwork for the genre. It’s not the particular movie’s fault per se, but just that we’ve been handed these circumstances over and over again for decades and decades, and critics won’t be fooled, not even for a second. Even the backdrop of the forest isn’t new. Will she find her sister? Who cares. I suspect there’s some twist at the end, like she didn’t have a sister or something like that. But it’s tough to get excited for another one of these flicks.
Rotten Watch Prediction
Ooh boy. The Masked Saint looks like it’s really something. Imagine how many people had to give the okay for this movie to get made and think it had real legs. If there was more than one it was a massive failing on the part of the movie-making business. But, of course, I get who and why this is getting made, and though it doesn’t okay the process, it’s a lane and they’ve stuck to it.
See what I mean with the trailer for The Masked Saint below:
Based on a book with the same title, The Masked Saint tells the story of a dude who performs in poorly executed professional wrestling scenes and then suffers a traumatic injury. He transitions from the ring to the pulpit in an effort to wrestle folks toward Jesus. All this is well and good I suppose though the movie seems to offer a weird segue when Chris Samuels (the lead, played by Brett Granstaff) dons a mask to fight crime in town. According to the film press kit, this is based on a true story though I think they took massive (read: 100%) liberties when it comes to the guy becoming a masked God-fearing vigilante in town where he’s also the pastor. Bottom line: it looks awful.
I get the theme here. It’s speaking to the converted and made for one type of audience only. Directed by Warren Sonoda, who has an amazing run of making movies that are never reviewed by anyone, The Masked Saint may mark his first real foray into the critical world. I don’t suspect it’ll be a pleasant one.
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Overall, I had a very strong showing from two weeks ago. Let’s start off with Concussion (Predicted: 64% Actual: 62%), which I almost hit it on the head. I had a bit of a head start with this one considering there were about 20 or so reviews in already. Some critics saw this as just Oscar bait for Will Smith. That isn’t necessarily a knock on the movie. After all, one can only be Oscar bait if there are some merits to it already. But it may have soured critics some in what could have been seen as a very safe type of film for the guy. 62% is a solid showing, though I suspect very far under what the filmmakers thought they’d see when it was all said and done.
Meanwhile, Joy (Predicted: 60% Actual: 57%) was another one with reviews posted in advance of me making the prediction. While it finished on the right side of positive, it is surely a blip on David O. Russell’s resume. This is a guy with some highly critically acclaimed flicks under his belt and Joy represents the lowest by a wide margin.
Daddy’s Home (Predicted: 29% Actual: 30%) could end up being an exact match if any other reviews trickle in at some point. Like I said in the write up, the movie felt like it was made simply to pile on comedic clichés one after another and a vehicle in which Ferrell and Wahlberg could jam themselves. Both of these guys are funny for sure, and have a lot of reps under their respective belts, but this one missed the mark. Critics seem to feel it was too simple and surface level with nothing more than a couple of one-liners and escalating action looking for giggles.
And finally, Point Break (Predicted: 34% Actual: 8%). Oh Point Break. Some movies were never meant to be remade. Hell, most movies were never meant to be remade. But trotting out the same names and premise with a few tweaks here and there for the state of the modern world left this thing in the gutter. It ain’t easy finishing in the single digits, but they pulled it off in a film critics nearly universally hated. This one disappears and we should never think about it again. Stick with Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze. Life is better that way.
Next time around it's 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi, Norm of the North and Ride Along 2. It’s gonna be a Rotten Week!
