A slow day around the Rotten Offices, with only one absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary movie hitting the screens for what I assume to be a quick yet painful run.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
I, Frankenstein
Bahahahaahaha. Oh man, oh man, hold on, I’m catching my breath here. Baahahahahahaa. Okay, okay, no seriously, I can do this, I can do this. I’m a professional. Bahaa…. ha…. ha... Ok, I’m good.
What the hell is this thing? Is this a movie? A video game? Some joke the movie studios are playing on us? A bet someone lost? Because honestly, I couldn’t even make it all the way through the trailer. It’s just that horrendous.
Not only did I have absolutely no idea what was going on, but by 1:19 mark (where I called it quits) I couldn’t even tell you what this flick was even about except Aaron Eckhart has scars and statues fly. I wouldn’t be confident giving any other assessment of the plot. (Update: I did make it all the way through when I showed it to Mrs. Rotten Week and she said it had "Franken-style." This was sarcasm.)
I’m sure someone out there who’s read the graphic novel from which this is adapted will get mad at me for suggesting it looks like a trainwreck. Whatever. Working the "deep" idea of Frankenstein be a "human" fighting against inhuman forces of evil is along the same thought path that ended up with Abraham Lincoln killing vampires. What appears to ensue is a mess of contrived action and canned dialogue with Eckhart doing an action star impression to diminishing returns.
Written and directed by Stuart Beattie who penned such masterpieces as G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (34%), Australia (55%) and 30 Days of Night (51%), I, Frankenstein seeks to undo a hundred years of filmmaking in one fell swoop of a stone gargoyle landing a building in a dystopian future. The Rotten Watch for I, Frankenstein is 26%
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Recapping last week:
In terms of theme, last week wasn’t so bad. I had the tone of the reviews mostly correct. Just couldn’t pin down the number. The only one that was off in terms of reaction was Jack Ryan, Shadow Recruit (Predicted: 42% Actual: 61%). Critics, by and large, seemed to think it was a serviceable action movie that pays just enough homage to the original Tom Clancy character. Sean says as much in his review. It all makes for a prediction just out of range.
Meanwhile, I knew Ride Along (Predicted: 34% Actual: 16%) would be bad, but couldn’t pull the trigger on how low it could go. It just appeared so cookiecutter, bland, recycled and blah. I wish I had the balls to have gone this low, but for some reason just couldn’t do it.
Same thing with The Nut Job (Predicted: 26% Actual: 13%). This one actually has me even more annoyed than Ride Along because I considered putting this in the single digits. It appeared to be the worst kind of animated (or really any) movie. Flat jokes, lowest common denominator kind of writing meant to get kids into the theater and nothing more. And finally we’ll end on a win. Devil’s Due (Predicted: 18% Actual: 19%) was a near perfect hit. Thank god this thing was a wreck. I really would have questioned my own existence and the future of the human race had this ended up higher than say, 25%. So thank you humanity, we’re still in this thing. Next time it’s an awkward moment on Labor Day. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
