The Rotten Watch is running hot right now. Last week Steve Carrell and Tina Fey went on a date and our (mine and my computer’s) prediction was solid. (72%, Actual Tomatometer score 66%) It hovered around 70% most of the week, but dipped a little in the last day thanks to people that just like to be different I suppose. Regardless, I like where the scores have been trending (Close rather than light years away.).
This week is the tale of two movies. One looks kick-ass and the other one looks like a comedic funeral. Without further ado, let’s take a look at This Rotten Week in movies.
Kick-Ass
The consensus is already in on Kick-Ass (78%) so the Rotten Watch is a bit tainted. But I put it through my Tomatoemeter number cruncher and actually got 74% so I’m going to set it there and hope some more people come out of the woodwork and pan it. I just wanted the chance to write about a movie I’m truly excited about. Even though Cinema Blend’s own review was less than stellar, I choose to ignore the opinions of others. I care only about numero uno (two thumbs pointed inward).
Kick-Ass looks just like its title says. Maybe it’ll be a little too violent (is that even possible anymore?), and maybe, as a society we shouldn’t have eleven-year-olds running around killing people and screaming the C-word. Whatever. Did you see Role Models? How much worse can Mindy Macready/Hit-Girl be than Ronnie Shields? It’s where we’re going people. America’s youth are already ruined. It’s about time we saw it on the big screen. And if they’re wearing jumpsuits and kicking the crap out of criminals, all the better.
Add to my giddiness that last night at a dinner party I was able to leave with my buddy Alex’s copy of the graphic novel. I run with a sophisticated crowd. The Rotten Watch for Kick-Ass is 74%.
Death at a Funeral (2010)
It takes a fairly large set of testicles to take a British production that’s less than three years old and decide to remake it with an American-twist. The Office did it successfully. I’m not holding out the same hope for Death at a Funeral. Back in 2007, Frank Oz (The Score), made a little movie about a family gathering at a funeral for their patriarch. At the time, it was moderately well-received (63% Tomatometer). Then Neil Labute comes along and decides to take it to the next level. Make it American, and throw in every living American actor or actress who wasn’t in Valentine’s Day. Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Luke Wilson, Danny Glover, Regina Hall, James Marsden, Tracy Morgan and Peter Dinklage. Just a few faces you’ll recognize in this looking-for-cheap-laughs production.
Will this movie scoring over 40%? I would vehemently say, no. First of all, there’s Chris Rock. Has there ever been a standup comedian with such a huge, Grand Canyon-like difference between his on stage persona and his on screen presence? On stage, Rock is at ease, hilarious, cutting edge and animated. On screen he looks like he is afraid of the camera, can’t remember his lines, moves like a robot, and has an unprecedentedly un-funny delivery. I find it perplexing. And then we have Martin Lawrence. Every single movie he has ever been in has been a steaming pile of dog s#%@. Let me sum it up this way: since the dawn of the 21st century, Martin’s Tomato Score is 16%. I honestly think I could videotape myself doing household chores, release a movie of that once a year and score better.
The rest of the cast (Wilson, Glover, etc) are good actors with great track records. The problem is, any critical capital they bring to the screen is instantly negated by the unwatchabilty of Rock and Lawrence. Consider cooking your favorite meal. You realize you put in double the amount of salt than required. Instead of scrapping it and starting over, you decide to just add more of every other spice to even out the flavor. What happens? Your meal tastes like garbage and you wasted a ton of time. I’m looking at you director Neil Labute. Labute looked to throw as many famous faces on screen as contractually possible and then let them work their crappy magic. It’ll never work. Rotten Watch for Death at a Funeral is 33%.
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Next week we’ll take a look at The Back-up Plan and The Losers. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
