Big movie weeks are ahead of us, and this is the crappy quiet before the awesome. Hold fast Rotten Week-ites, better times are coming. But for now we have other women, brick mansions and quiet ones to talk about.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Rotten Watch Prediction
30%
I was watching the trailer for this movie and Little Rotten Week walked into the room. She asked if she could watch what I was watching. I said no. She asked if it was because the trailer was scary. I said, "Only scary in how bad it looks."
Want to see what I mean? Take a gander at The Other Woman trailer:
In a film certain to set back feminism and women’s lib another couple of decades, The Other Woman appears to fall into the fatal trap many films do that are about relationships with female leads. In what is promoted as female empowerment, in the way these beautiful women set about to "destroy" the man that has f@#ed them over, it really conveys a message opposite to its purported proposed agenda. Actual female empowerment wouldn’t concern revenge, but rather liberation. Empowered women would just move on from this cheating loser. But instead three gorgeous and intelligent women will devote their entire beings and all of their resources to maintain focus on the bad guy, thereby lending credence to his actions.
I get it’s supposed to be a comedy, but no part of the trailer was funny, so watching it under that premise is tough. The Other Woman looks gross. The worst kind of movie. Playing to lowest common denominator in terms of story, gags, cliches and really just about everything else. Directed by Nick Cassavetes (The Notebook-52%, Alpha Dog-55%), The Other Womanis already trending the wrong way with critics (45% after 11 reviews) and will keep heading down as the week goes on.
Rotten Watch Prediction
23%
I know this movie posits itself as being set in a dystopian future where Detroit is a crumbling relic of its once great industrial glory. And now all that sits on its foundations is a group of abandoned brick apartment buildings controlled by violent street gangs. Is this really dystopian? Or is this just the reality? I haven’t been to Detroit recently, and honestly have no plans to visit. But calling it a dystopian future might be a little misleading. Let’s just call it Detroit and be done with it.
Want to see what I mean? Check out the Brick Mansions trailer:
My reaction to this trailer would probably be very different if this weren’t Paul Walker’s final full movie he filmed before he passed. The flick takes on a new direction knowing the principle actor is no longer with us. Forgive me if my judgment is a little cloudy. I suspect it will be that way for many critics as well. This is neither correct, nor incorrect. It just is.
I get the sense this flick set out knowing exactly what it wanted to be: a high octane, fight-a-minute stunt fest with the loosest of loose stories hovering around the edges. A remake of the French film District 13, it looks like they’ve basically set up a big cage match for the principles, with the cage being a walled off portion of Detroit where anything goes. Walker's character and his partner (David Belle) are sent in to fight there way in and out of it. What goes down looks like an ever-escalating series of shoot’em ups, car chases, hand-to-hand fights and really anything else they could pack into ninety minutes in order to ensure the actors wouldn’t have to do too much speaking.
Whatever. It looks fun. I doubt first time feature director Camille Delamarre had any intentions of taking home a golden statue with this one. It’s meant to be fun, action-packed and appealing to its demographic.
Rotten Watch Prediction
40%
Why, under any circumstances, would someone set out looking for evil poltergeists, demons, boogeymen, etc? These kind of movies lose me on that premise alone. Things that go bump in the night? Who walks towards that stuff? I start hightailing it in the opposite direction post haste. Something seems a little off around the house? All the lights go on immediately, and I make excuses to my family in order for all of us to stay in the same room together. So the thought of grabbing a camera and filming this stuff just has me off the story from jump street.
Take a look at a group of psychos who seek out the supernatural in the trailer for The Quiet Ones:
All of these horror movies blend together for me. They all seem the same. I’m sure this one is fine, but I can’t imagine it’s too terribly different from the hundreds that have come before it. Let’s look at the checklist:
Based on a true story/ inspired by actual events? Check
Someone who doesn’t believe thrust into the world of the supernatural? Check
Escalating creepiness, starting small and culminating with some crazy snake thing bursting out of someone’s mouth? Check
Whispering? Check
Creepy accents? Check
An ill-advised trip to the bathtub as things are getting weirder around the house? Never a good idea, and Check
And who knows what other conventions lie ahead here. Directed by John Pogue, who wrote classics like Ghost Ship (14%) and Rollerball (3%), The Quiet Ones is looking like a true resume builder for the guy, but only in comparison to his previous work. It’s sitting at 50% now and will probably drop over the course of the week. And if you see some odd stuff happening around you? Walk the other direction.
This poll is no longer available.
Overall, a decent week except for one big miss. I’ll start with that one.
Transcendence (Predicted: 64% Actual: 20%) was horrible. I should have known as much. Johnny Depp as the beginning of artificial intelligence? The whole movie lost me on that premise, and I said as much last week. I also thought it looked like the whole affair might be a little too all over the place. Seems I was right on that account. What I gave too much weight to was Wally Pfister’s work with Christopher Nolan. From a visual standpoint, many critics say it was pleasing to the eye. But the script appears a mess. This thing got trashed.
Meanwhile A Haunted House 2 (Predicted: 9% Actual: 7%) was super easy. If this scored above 10% I would have quit.
Bears (Predicted: 72% Actual: 89%) was a just miss. I put the score in line with some other films from Disneynature. It outpaced those flicks and turned in a terrific score with critics. Cute bears? Who is going to say no to that.
And finally, Heaven is for Real (Predicted: 51% Actual: 53%) fell right in the middle. I suspected this would happen based on the source material. It just seemed bland but a movie critics wouldn’t necessarily bomb across the board. (Even though Sean did in his review, giving it one star). Ooh, my Spidey-sense is tingling. You know what that means. Next time around things get amazing! It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
