The biggest news out of the movie world this week has nothing to do with any movie coming out. But hey, that’s what happens when Star Wars reenters the collective conscious, even if it is only 90 seconds at a time. Check out the trailer and get excited. Because there isn’t much else to get pumped about. This week we’ve got The Pyramid.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
POSTER HERE, LINK IT TO PREVIEW PAGE
PREDICTION RATING HERE, LINK IT TO ROTTEN TOMATOES PAGE
Rotten Watch Prediction
Let me ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly. If there was some kind of curse revolving around the ancient set of pyramids, in as much as anyone who comes in contact with them suffering a serious and grotesque death, would you want to be the tip of the spear in exploring the next one? Or would you step back, think for a second and say, man a bunch of other people have gotten f@#$ed up exploring the pyramids. Maybe I’ll sit this one out. Am I right? Why do people in horror movies continue to put themselves in these situations? I can’t even feel bad for them anymore.
Check out these dunces in the trailer for The Pyramid:
The second the pyramid is opened up and some random gets blasted to death by green smoke, I think I’d raise my hand and offer some kind of robot to head into the pyramid first. Don’t they have that kind of technology? I feel like it’s been around since 80’s cops movies with bomb detection devices. And yet this group of dumb-dumbs heads full bore into the unknown only to, and I don’t want to shock you here, get picked off one by one at the hands of some ancient demon. Though I will commend these demons. They are mostly likely powerful enough to just waste everyone in one shot. But they never like to play it that way. Instead they savor it, like a Thanksgiving meal, taking time with each new victim. Finding new and escalating-ly terrible ways to do away with the group. Nice of them, from a drama perspective, to play the string out like this. Makes for a longer movie at least.
The Pyramid is brought to you by first-time director Gregory Levasseur who’s had a hand in other horror flicks like The Hills Have Eyes (49%), Piranha 3-D (73%) and Maniac (49%). Admittedly, for this genre, those scores aren’t half bad. Finishing around the middle, or with the fish film (which was meant as B-movie sendup tongue in cheek) into the certified fresh range is a decent track record. Most times flicks like this scrap the bottom quarter of the barrel only get quickl forgotten when another wayward group of explorers tests out another haunted place. These movies come and go all the time.
Look, this’ll probably serve as adequate entertainment. It probably has it’s jumpy moments and a few instances that’ll have you curled up. But I just can’t imagine we are getting anything new here. The horror genre of exploring the haunted unknown is getting tired. Can’t feel bad or even scared for these dopes anymore.
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It’s rare to have the worst of the reviews come in the earliest, but that’s what happened with Horrible Bosses 2 (Predicted: 14% Actual: 35%). At the time of post last week this movie was sitting around 11% and the amount of hate coming from the critics had me thinking it stood little chance to climb up really at all. But along came some folks who saw beyond the misogynistic worthlessness the first group of critics extolled and it came up enough to not be considered one of the worst movies of the year. Instead it was just bad. A disappointing follow-up to a funny first effort. Unfortunately, this is often the case with comedy sequels. The first one hit on something new and hysterical only to have the second effort beat the jokes into the ground. There won’t be a Horrible Bosses 3.
Meanwhile, Penguins of Madagascar (Predicted: 72% Actual: 69%) finished right in range and continued DreamWorks Animation’s run of critically appealing movies. They keep pumping them out, and unlike the movie above, the Madagascar’s will probably keep coming around. They’ve all outpaced the original and have rolled it in at the box office. My prediction was a win. Animation studios tend to stay in their lane, making the guesses rather easy.
We are off next week with no big releases hitting the screen. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
