Every year when I come home for Thanksgiving, my dad is ready to go to the movies. He's the kind of guy who only makes it to the theater a few times a year, but without fail, as soon as he has all his kids under one roof, slipping into a tryptophan coma, he's ready for the big screen.
And let's face it-- everyone wants to go to the movies on Thanksgiving. You've spent the whole day making conversation with random relatives, and maybe even spent the day before cooking for hours. If you had to brave the airports on Wednesday, forget it-- you'll need all the energy you have left to make it back home. After you've eaten your fill and spent the entire afternoon on the couch, you're ready to get out of the house, and moviegoing is about as much effort as you can deal with.
And the studios know this. Even as far as back as Toy Story's release in 1995, the day before Thanksgiving, this is a holiday that's been filled with family-friendly comedies and PG-13 action movies as much as cranberries and stuffing. Yeah, a lot of the big movies this time of year have been Christmas-themed-- How the Grinch Stole Christmas debuted the weekend before Thanksgiving in 2000, and Elf and Fred Claus came a little earlier in the month in their respective years. But for me the Thanksgiving movie is all about the broad entertainment-- that rare movie that you can take pretty much anyone to. We don't get many of those a year, but this Thanksgiving, there are actually a lot of options.
Below we've got a list of your options for Thanksgiving movies this year, and who you can take to see them-- or why you shouldn't bother. And if you had success taking you and yours to a Thanksgiving movie in the past, we'll compare this year's crop to see what comes closest. No, there aren't any singing fairy princesses this year, but there is Hugh Jackman with a whip!
When you can't leave the small ones at home: Bolt.
It's the best-reviewed of the two animated movies in theaters right now, but not nearly the most successful-- Bolt needs your help! And because it's a Pixar product, at least in part, it's PG-rated entertainment that won't drive the grown-ups crazy. Maybe not your best option if everyone crashing your house for the weekend is older than 13, but there have been Thanksgivings with way, way worse options.
Best for: Your, your cousins, your cousin's kid, your grandma, everyone.
Kind like that time you all saw...: Toy Story, which came out the day before Thanksgiving in 1995.
When everyone wants a little action to keep them awake: Quantum of Solace.
Sure, the plot of the latest Bond movie is hard to follow. But it's low on sex and blood, and big on fast, exciting action that will keep you engaged-- even if you have no idea what's going. But you'll have your defenses down after all that turkey anyway, so why not just relax and sink into Daniel Craig's blue, blue eyes.
Best for: Families with a lot of guys, or a lot of teenagers.
Kind of like that time you all saw...: Casino Royale two years ago, for starters. Or Golden Eye in 1995, or The World is Not Enough in 1999-- though we'd probably all prefer to just remember Casino Royale.
When you have a lot of time to kill and fond Wolverine memories: Australia.
Australia is a long movie, yes, but it's definitely not a boring one, completely packed with chase scenes, stampedes, gunfights, explosions, and yeah, a little bit of romance. Being so overstuffed, it's one of those movies that really does have something for everyone.
Best for: Seriously, everyone. Even younger kids will probably be entertained.
Kind of like that time you all saw...: Enchanted was a little bit more family friendly, but it had the same across-the-board appeal and unabashed romance. The princess-loving little girl contingent might not get as excited, but everyone else will feel the same swoony joy.
When you're too tired to argue with your teenager's pick: Twilight.
If you or you relatives who have kids had any sense, you would have made sure the squealing Twilight fans got their fix last weekend, leaving Thanksgiving free for movies everyone would actually want to see. But if you're stuck, and you get forced into seeing Twilight-- and there's a decent chance you will, given how popular the damn movie is-- just know it's OK to laugh through the whole thing. And the Edward fans in your crowd will probably be so mesmerized, they won't notice when you sneak out to see Quantum of Solace instead.
Best for: No one, really.
Kind of like the time you all saw...: Has there ever been anything like Twilight? But if you wound up seeing Rent on Thanksgiving 2005 with your nephew who knows all the words, you probably can relate.
When you're in a major city and spending Thanksgiving with your friends: Milk.
It's by far the best movie opening this weekend, and not nearly as artsy or inaccessible as most of the movies Gus van Sant has made lately. It's strictly for grown-ups, though, so only dare if if your parents are gay-friendly and your siblings have no kids, or if you're sticking to friends-only celebrations this year.
Best for: Adults who voted No on Proposition 8.
Kind of like that time you all saw...: Walk the Line is an inferior biopic to Milk, but it's a similarly classy effort with vaguely controversial subjects (drug use then; homosexuality now).
When you're in a major city and need something everyone will love: Slumdog Millionaire.
Unfortunately this charmer hasn't quite expanded all over the country, but despite its R-rating, it's entertainment for pretty much everybody-- at least everybody who isn't afraid of guns, poverty, and quick editing. It's a smarter, happier way to get the same thrills as Quantum of Solace-- with a fairy-tale, Enchanted-style ending to boot.
Best for: Anyone willing to read subtitles.
Kind of like that time you all saw...: Amelie had been in release for four weeks on Thanksgiving 2001, but it was hovering outside the top 10, and was exaclty that kind of heartwarming-yet-artsy movie that pretty much anyone with a brain would love.
When you're the kind of person who has already decorated for Christmas and you're too unimaginative to see anything else: Four Christmases
I recently failed to talk my sister out of seeing this, telling her she should just rent Elf instead, but apparently the desire to pay $10 for mindless entertainment knows no bounds. Head Honcho Josh Tyler said it's "just not worth the trouble," I know that won't stop some of you from seeing it anyway.
Best for: No one. Or, I guess, anyone, given how bland it seems to be.
Kind of like that time you all saw... Fred Claus. In fact, it's exactly like that time you all saw Fred Claus.
When you're not feeling remotely in the holiday mood: Let the Right One In.
You've probably heard that this chilly, intense Swedish vampire movie is excellent, and by far the best alternative to Twilight. But when you're all exhausted by your family and ready to get far, far away from everyone, Sweden is probably the best place to escape.
Best for: You and you alone.
Kind of like that time you all saw... More like last year, when you ran away and saw I'm Not There without giving a shit what anyone else did.
