The rules for remaking and updating motion pictures should be a lot like those for plastic surgery. If a hot woman or ingenious idea is somehow disfigured through fire or incompetent directing, skin graft away all the problems and start over. If a decently attractive woman or an above-average script wants a little work done fifteen years past her prime, perk up those boobs and add on a whole bunch of extras. But if the woman is still smoking hot or the movie still fondly remembered, stay the hell away. No one needs lipo on their ankles. And we sure as hell don’t need Total Recall remade.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Neil H. Moritz is in the process of sprucing up the Philip K. Dick adaptation. Speaking in vague generalizations, Moritz told reporters he’s planning to use new technology to retell the story. It’ll probably be like when John and Paul redid “Yesterday” with synthesizers in 1986. That should help you sleep at night.
It’s not that I’m opposed to seeing things updated a little bit; I just have to ask where the line will be drawn. Technology is growing at astounding rates right now, particularly in the entertainment industry. Should Home Alone be remade because Kevin could steal Marv and Harry’s identities online as a final insult? Before you say, but Home Alone come out in the 90s… realize it was actually released the same year as Total Recall.
Let’s face it: I will see this. And so will you. It’ll probably be brimming with explosions and badassery, but that doesn’t mean I like it.
