Another week another column . Two for two, not bad going but I gotta reach five before I have a new record. Wonder how our new competitor is doing? At least we don't need a page full of carefully selected sycophantia to validate ourselves. I'd like to think that, at least for some people, the work we do speaks for itself and we don't need to prove ourselves to you by showing you reams of ass-kissing soundbites instead. Seriously, who cares if Harvey Weinstein likes us, we're here for you, not the industry.
NotSoSuperbowl
So last week was a disappointingly controversy free Superbowl. No streakers, no wardrobe malfunctions, no FCC-baiting adverts lampooning said wardrobe malfunctions. Infact no reason for controversy whatsoever, unless you consider that Paul McCartney was 26 years old when his current wife was born. Man, even the game's result wasn't a shock. All we really had to keep us happy were the sweet TV spots for some quality film action. Hell, what am I saying - I live in the UK so I didn't even get them. If I wasn't a casual football fan I doubt I'd bother with the whole affair at all next year. However, any ritual that encourages men to gather in neanderthal groups to drink beer, eat chips and shout incoherently at the widescreen TV can't be all bad. Keep your Desperate Housewives , sport is still the best.
Speaking of FCC-baiting and such like, it's time for a little group participation. Some of the readers of my last batch of Trailer Trash might remember an, ironically, trashy little regular feature I used to do which generally involved including a little cheekiness in the final trailer of the day. Generally in the form of gratuitous nudity. Well, these things aren't easy to come by, so with a little help from you guys I'd like to bring it back. It doesn't just have to be nudity, it could be just a particularly brutal trailer, red band style. I'm not fussy. Anything that would never play in front of Rugrats go to Paris will do me fine. Credit will be given to those who come up with the goods as I can't afford prizes I'm afraid. If you're looking for prizes, you best drop by Oscar Chat on the 27th.
Email me with gratuitous nudity
Coming soon to a theatre near you...
Batman Begins
Released: 17th June 2005
If you thought Joel Schumacher had killed the Batman franchise you'd be wrong. Gone are is the garish neon campness of Schumacher. Gone is the dark, gothic world of Burton. Enter the new era of Nolan. Where Batman was once a zen samurai warrior and that dude from 28 Days Later wears a sack on his head. Gone is the over-designed and impractical Batmobile, replaced with something that looks like an urban tank. This trailer rocks. God I can't wait.
Click here to to buy it in black...
In My Country
Released: 11th March 2005 (Limited)
Could it be that Samuel L. Jackson is about to star in a good movie for the first time in, I've forgotten how many, years? I hope so. Well he's teamed up with John Boorman on a Year Of Living Dangerously style examination of South Africa's Apartheid era. While it does look a little on the preachy side, let's hope that it's finally a chance for Sam to prove to the world he's a badass actor and not just that guy from that movie who threw it away and started doing anything for a paycheck.
Click here to realise how naive Lethal Weapon 2 was...
Downfall
Released: 18th February 2005 (Limited)
Basil Fawlty was right. When it comes to Germans, don't mention the War. That was back in the 70s. However, a german has finally decided it's about time to mention the war. Downfall is the first german-made movie from Germany to broach the subject of Adolf Hitler in 50 years. These are the final twelve days of Adolf Hitler's life, based on historical records and fact. Looks fascinating stuff, now if only they can resist the urge to make a dubbed version. Seriously, dubbing only ever works in anime and Godzilla movies, deal with it. Learn to read. Pick up a book.
Click here to watch the end of a madman...
Click here if you hate subtitles and love pretty german women
The Interpreter
Released: 22nd April 2005
Seriously... someone get Nicole Kidman in a random cargo plane and send her away for a year to somewhere remote. Every bloody month it seems there's a new movie starring the woman. Even Jude Law isn't this bad. When is the world going to finally decide is enough is enough and realise that we're just plain oversaturated with mediocre movies starring the most overrated aussie in existance. I want to like The Interpreter. I want to see The Interpreter . But I just don't know if I can stomach yet another Nicole Kidman Movie™ .
Click here to admire Kidman's questionable Afrikaans accent...
The Longest Yard
Released: 27th May 2005
It seems my biggest crime on the CB forum aside from never having seen The Princess Bride, is that of not finding Adam Sandler funny. At all. One bit. Between him and Rob Schneider there seems to exist this black hole of comedy that everyone else loves but which I just find baffling. This is not Sandler's first movie about american football and as if to give it a bonus negative point it's also a loose remake of a Burt Reynolds movie from the 70s. Burt also stars in this version, but considering the payments he has to make on alimony and hair-pieces I guess the dude can't afford to be choosy. Positive points? Courteney Cox provided a pert couple. Maybe I could give it a shot after all.
Click here to watch two wonders of film... and Adam Sandler and Burt Reynolds...
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Released: 25th February 2005
This movie has me confused. The first teaser poster made it look like a serious drama. The second poster made it look like Stop! Or My Big Momma Will Shoot. And the trailer, while seemingly a serious romantic drama/comedy is thrown off by what appears to be Tyler Perry doing a Dr Dolittle by playing a normal character, an old woman and an old man. It's a ridiculous thing to see as it seems to throw out the balance of what is otherwise another straight by-the-numbers romantic drama. Who knows what's going on. Maybe it's not enough to sport a rimmed-out Escalade any more. Maybe fat grandmother drag is the new way to be hip in the ghetto. Gangstas just got fruity!
