Yeah yeah yeah. Don't worry I've got forum regulars nagging me like they've been married to me for 30 years about where this feature is [Deus, this means you!!!]. Sadly for you guys I was out drinking and partying with my younger brother for, well, most of last week so I had no chance whatsoever to make up anything. Sorry folks but when faced with a choice between a club full of reasonably hot women or sitting in front of a PC for an evening... I'm afraid I am pretty weak willed and must go party. I advise you do it too. Break out your Green Lantern T-Shirt and get your groove on this saturday, meanwhile stop bugging me, The Trash isn't dead it's just not paid well enough to guarantee next day delivery...
Coming soon to a theatre near you...
After The Sunset
Released: 12th November 2004
Brett Ratner still has a lot to prove as a director. Two Rush Hours and a Red Dragon are not an impressive CV. Pierce Brosnan still has a lot to prove as a screen actor. Four suave spy movies and now three movies as a master theif is not an impressive CV. Woody Harrelson has played all kindsa goofy roles so he has nothing to prove in acting but may have something to prove to the cops in getting them to accept that there is a difference between the hemp growing in his back yard and plain old stoner weed that many a fo shizzle rapper does partake in.
Ocean's Twelve
Released: 10th December 2004
I never saw Ocean's Eleven. Sure me and a bunch of buddies rented it but by the time we all got round to watching it late in the evening we were all so drunk and rowdy it ended up being nothing but background noise to our rowdy shenanigans. Was it any good? Email me and let me know. For now you can enjoy the most indifferent trailer in the world. One of those annoying teasers that features no movie footage at all and seems intent on patting itself on the back for it's casting.
The Machinist
Released: 22nd October 2004
I remember reading about The Machinist about 6 months ago and I'm pretty sure it had wrapped, so why it's taken so long to release is a bit of a mystery. It stars Christian Bale as a man who may or may not be going crazy after suffering a year of chronic insomnia. I can barely get by one day at work after only 4 hours sleep so I think I would suck as a full-blown insomniac. Word of mouth has been good about this so somebody out there must have seen it.
Closer
Released: 3rd December 2004
However much love I have for the wonder that is Keira Knightley, there is still no denying that Natalie Portman is rather tasty. Of course the two girls could be the result of some bizarre genetic cloning project rivalled only by the women-folk of The Corrs. So when you come across a synopsis of a movie that says "Natalie Portman plays a stripper" you can bet your ass that I wasn't the only one who went rabidly hunting for more details. Anyhow, the bad news for all you pervs out there is that because this movie is by Working Girl director Mike Nicholls, the chances of gratuitous Portman puppy baring is slim.
Seed Of Chucky
Released: 12th November 2004
Cinema Blend seems to have unofficially become the CHUD to Seed of Chucky's Hellboy. It's not like we whore ourselves to Don Mancini, in fact save for a couple of devoted forum members the attitude to all things Good Guy is rather indifferent. So it still amazes me that somehow we manage to continually get all the scoops to Seed of Chucky promotional materials. Earlier this month our good buddy Bill Beyrer got his hands of the R-rated version of the trailer for the latest outing for the psychotic plastic hobbit. Enjoy. NOT WORK SAFE. Consider yourself warned you prudes... the boobies are back...
Click here to watch it...
Report by: Stuart Wood
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