1/21 – 1/23 New movies come out each weekend; come here to find out which newly released Rio Bravo remake is worth your time. It’s January, a month best suited for sadomasochistic movie goers. Finding something worthwhile is a challenge, unless you hate yourself and plan to dish out personal punishment by paying a theater to mind rape you. Two new movies this weekend, so you’ve got a 50 – 50 shot at misery. Don’t play the odds.
ARE WE THERE YET? (Opens nationwide 1/21) I liked this movie better the first time when it was called National Lampoon’s Family Vacation, or Trains, Planes, and Automobiles, or Tommy Boy. I didn’t like it when it was called The Johnson Family Vacation. Judging from the Johnson’s box office totals, neither did any of you. Are We There Yet? strides confidently in to theaters to rip off pretty overdone ground, stealing haphazardly from good and bad road movies to tell the story of a boyfriend stuck traveling cross country with his girlfriends kids in a really nice SUV. Of course, by the end of the movie, the SUV is not so nice. Around this same time last year, Ice Cube, who stars in this film, was in a movie called Torque. At least the guy is annually consistent. Really bad movie in January starring Ice Cube? Check. Soon it’ll be like predicting the release of Oscar bait movies in December. Ice Cube is trying to start a tradition here, one you can help me crush by avoiding his latest. Don’t be there for Are We There Yet?. Is Ice Cube’s career over yet?
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 (Opened nationwide 1/19) I’m not going to pretend to compare this to the original John Carpenter movie this is remaking. I don’t remember it. It’s not the sort of movie you pull out and watch every five years just to keep it fresh in your head. If you do, you’re a pretty hardcore Carpenter fan and probably should widen out. Spend your Carpenter lusting time watching something new instead of re-watching 30 year old splatter films again and again and again. What I can tell you is that this version is pretty good. Like the original movie it’s an independent film and like that movie it’s brutal. Assault on Precinct 13 doesn’t soften its blows to cater to a larger audience. It’s filled with headshots and the elimination of likable characters. The twists are surprising and both Hawke and Fishburne are at their zenith. Besotted Carpenter faithful may not want to like it, but it’s damned hard not to enjoy it. A fast, gritty action thriller the twists are surprising and the urban rot of Detroit is as usual, the perfect setting for civil unrest. Assault on Precinct 13 isn’t a bad way to spend your weekend, especially for a January release.
Still In Theaters and Worth Your Time: The Aviator, The Incredibles, In Good Company, Meet the Fockers, Lemony Snicket’s a Series of Unfortunate Events, Sideways, National Treasure
