1/28 – 1/30 New movies come out each weekend; come here to find out which newly released videogame adaptation wants to hurt you. It’s the last weekend in January, which means Oscar nominations are out and limited release movies are rushing to widen out. Most of the awards nominees movies expanding this weekend have already been playing pretty wide for awhile now, all except one.
ALONE IN THE DARK (opens 2/28) Uwe Boll follows up making the one of the worst movies ever made by making another one of the worst movies ever made. He’s developing quite a comfortable little niche for himself down at the bottom, if he keeps it up, it may be enough to drive the MST3K guys out of retirement. Then he’ll at last have accomplished something positive. This time, he’s making his movies suck by hiring washed up actors and a drunken slut tabloid starlet. The real shame is that Christian Slater’s career is actually this dead. The guy really had something once, but his career seems to have lost any hope of revival. In case your wondering this is a sci-fi/horror/thriller about a paranormal investigator running around with artifacts that open doors into a really dark place that destroyed an ancient, lost civilization… or something like that. As most bad movies are, Alone in the Dark is based on a video game. I liked the plot idea better when it was called Stargate. At least there’s no chance that this one will be spun off into the final resting place of Richard Dean Anderson.
HIDE AND SEEK (opens 2/28) Robert De Niro starring in a movie, any movie, that isn’t a comedy is no doubt for some a relief. Or it should be. Instead, it’s likely to have even the most ardent Fokker hater praying for De Niro’s next gig to be opposite Ben Stiller. Hide and Seek stars De Niro as a doting father whose daughter slowly morphs into Wednesday Adams after she stumbles onto her mom’s post-suicide corpse. The movie draws from the worst cellar dwellers of the horror/thriller genre, while still managing to surpass them, at least in minimum tolerability. De Niro seems pretty disinterested throughout, but Dakota Fanning has found her niche, and should from now on focus entirely on playing creepy, possibly demon possessed little girls. Hide and Seek is by no stretch a good film, but it will give a passable jump or two to anyone easily manipulated by mediocre horror flicks (like me). The bland movie’s setup is all in service of a big, clumsy twist. So if you insist on seeing it, make sure you avoid letting anyone blow it.
ALIENS OF THE DEEP (opens in IMAX only 2/28) James Cameron is still bobbing about underwater playing Steve Zissou. He’s taken the amazing 3D IMAX technology he showed off in Ghosts of the Abyss to use in the deepest trenches of the ocean. The film shows off amazing and bizarre forms of ocean life in blistering 3D, and then inserts strange CGI aliens into the shots to confuse the hell out of everyone. The premise they’re working from here is that exploring the deepest parts of the ocean can help us prepare to explore and encounter life on other planets. Maybe they’re right, but still, CGI add-ons seem like a weird way to go in what is basically a nature film. Perhaps their addition is just evidence that Cameron is finally burned out playing nature boy and is ready to get back to making big budget Sci-Fi. His innovative CGI technology alone makes this work checking out, but you can only do so if you happen to have an IMAX theater near by. Though there seems to be one on every corner here in Dallas, there may not be one where you are.
Million Dollar Baby (expands nationwide 2/28) It’s been in theaters for awhile now, just not very many of them. Finally, after being nominated for multiple Oscars, Million Dollar Baby is being gifted with a nationwide release. It stars Clint Eastwood as a crotchety trainer and Hilary Swank as a female boxer looking for tutelage. Rocky ensues. If you’re planning to see it because you love boxing (or perhaps avoiding it because you hate pugilism), it’s worth noting that by all accounts it’s not really a movie about gloved punching. That’s a major component, but evidently there’s a lot more to it. Going further would spoil it, but any film nominated for so many Oscars and touted by so many awards is worth seeing, no matter what your feelings are about movies directed by Clint Eastwood. Personally, I’m rooting for a return to shoot-em-up Clint, instead of sappy, weepy, depressing, Oscar-whore Eastwood. Chances are, I won’t be getting it. Is MDB worth all the hype? This weekend you’ve got a chance to find out.
Still In Theaters and Worth Your Time: The Aviator, Finding Neverland, In Good Company, Sideways, Assault on Precinct 13
