1/7 – 1/9 New movies come out each weekend; many of them are not worth your time. Many of them are. So make a stop here before heading out to the theater to figure out which newly released movie about awkward virginal sex you’ll be spending your money and possibly valuable clobberin time on. It’s January, which means Hollywood hates you. The Oscar bait flicks released last year are beginning their painfully slow expanse across America, and new releases are limited to scary sightings of Michael Keaton. Here’s which new opener you should watch this weekend:
White Noise
Michael Keaton hears dead people in a movie about listening to “The Howard Stern Show” for messages from dearly departed Grandpa Chuck. The trailer is a little creepy, but I’m having a little trouble remembering why we’re supposed to like Michael Keaton. Is it because he was lucky enough to be in the Burton Batman movies instead of the Schumacher ones, or because he likes pizza Steve. The bright spots on his resume are fading. Doing movies like White Noise after an extended screen absence is a great way to close the curtains… permanently. Few horror movies are really any good, so you’re always taking a gamble when you bother seeing one. With White Noise, the odds are a little worse than usual. It is however the only real new release this weekend, but I’ve managed to dig up something better.
Kinsey (expands into 500+ theaters)
I’ve been trying to get all of you to see Kinsey since some time in November, but it’s only now that most of you will have any chance at all of seeing it. This weekend, Kinsey FINALLY expands into over 500 theaters, which means if you’re anywhere within the proximity of a major city, odds are good that you might be able to find it. Des Moines is not a major city. It’s worth the trouble to drive in to Oklahoma City for a look. It’s an amazing, touching, funny, important film and also one of the very best things I’ve seen this year. In fact, it’s number four on my 2004 Top Ten list. By now, I’ve spent so much time pimping it, I’m fresh out of adjectives for use in my fight to convince you to see it. Just trust me, it’s brilliant. Get up, get out, and support Kinsey. Then you can be the guy who brags to all your friends that you’ve already seen it, when it gets nominated for an Oscar. You probably won’t get a better chance than this.
Still In Theaters and Worth Your Time: The Incredibles, Finding Neverland, The Woodsman, Lemony Snicket’s a Series of Unfortunate Events, Spanglish, Sideways, National Treasure
