10/7 – 10/9 Serenity fans take note: Your movie is done for. With American cinemas being flooded with a huge new crop of movies, Serenity doesn’t stand a chance of making up for its box office belly flop last weekend. Instead, the race for number one earner this weekend is likely to be between Wallace & Gromit, the sports betting movie Two For the Money, and a movie starring the increasingly unappealing Cameron Diaz, In Her Shoes. One of them will probably come through with a $20 million weekend, with the rest of the top ten falling in behind.
Here’s your essential guide to what’s opening this weekend:
Expanding Nationwide
The Greatest Game Ever Played expands a little into 1810 theaters.I didn’t recommend it last week, and putting it in a couple hundred more theaters isn’t going to get me to recommend it this one. But it’s opening wider, just in case you care.
Misc. Limited Releases (Opening in fewer than 500 theaters.)
A very boring arthouse weekend. George Clooney’s rather bland, black and white Edward R. Murrow biopic Good Night, and Good Luck debuts in eleven theaters. He covers Murrow’s expose of scare-monger Joseph McCarthy at a pivotal time in history. Unfortunately, it sounds like he may not have done more than simply cover it. Also opening up in the indie world is The Squid and the Whale, a movie whose name screams a desperate desire for quirky attention. It’s a movie about two Brooklyn brothers dealing with their parents divorce, which doesn’t sound like it ought to be quirky at all.
Waiting (Opens in 1,652 theaters.)
It’s juvenile and despicable, but at least it’s pro-statutory. It’s Ryan Reynolds’ new film Waiting…, the story of a penis showing game set in a movie about a restaurant. You know what… it’s not fun seeing Luis Guzman’s nuts. Calling people “fag” and kicking them in the butt does not qualify as a joke. If you like eating out, if you want Ryan Reynolds to keep his hands off your teenage daughter, stay the hell away from Waiting, one of the most vile, unfunny pieces of crap to hit theaters this year. I think there was one laugh in there somewhere, I just can’t remember where. It’s not worth digging out.
The Gospel (Opens in 969 theaters.)
I think they may have screwed up and misnamed this one. From the title, you’d expect it to be some sort of secretive Mormon propaganda, or maybe 2 hours of Robert Tilton’s eyebrows begging for money. But what we’re actually talking about here is Gospel music, a somewhat more interesting subject than paying $10.50 for Holy Water poured out of an Ozarka bottle. It’s the story of a young singer losing his faith when life goes to hell, and then finding it again to rebuild his childhood church. Ok, it’s still pretty Churchy, but at least it’s not a re-enactment of the time the time Noah got drunk and ran around naked. On second though, that might be better.
In Her Shoes (Opens in 2,808 theaters.)
Cameron Diaz is testosterone kryptonite. In the past ten years she’s made the transition from hottest babe in the world, to annoying, icky spaz. I miss the Cameron Diaz I saw in The Mask. That Cameron is dead, and we’re left with the one playing Maggie Feller in a film about a party girl clashing with her straight-laced sister. You might be thinking, “yes, but it has Toni Collette in it!” Yes, but it’s the Toni Collette who not long ago was way too convincing as a woman playing a man playing a woman. Ponder that for a minute. Look, women are probably going to love this thing. So ladies, get in your jamies and put your hair up in curlers or whatever you gals do and enjoy. Men… this is your kryptonite. Run away.
Two For the Money (Opens in 2,388 theaters.)
Matthew McConaughey enters the exciting world of professional sports betting by playing lackey to Al Pacino in Two for the Money. Matthew’s still looking swarthy after his time spent in the desert for Sahara, and he’ll have plenty of ladies swooning. This is one guy movie that men won’t have much problem dragging their women to. The greasier and older Matt M. gets, the more women seem to want him. Better still, the film looks like it might actually be good. Pacino’s name doesn’t quite mean what it once did, but the guy’s still a great performer. Two for the Money looks solid, the kind of movie all the gambling junkies out there are likely to flock to. Weird how hardcore betting has become so socially acceptable in the past few years isn’t it? I miss the days when it took place in back alleys instead of celebrity driven Ferraris. Everyone’s obsessed these days about the dangers of sexual entertainment, but you want to talk about something that’s really destroying lives, let’s take a look at America’s growing addiction to gambling. No you can NOT make a living at it bucko, if you could the casinos wouldn’t be making any money. Get a grip America.
Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit (Opens in 3,645 theaters.)
I enjoyed Corpse Bride, but was also a little disappointed by it. Visually it’s impressive, but the story seems both literally and figuratively dead. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit may not have as much visual flair as it’s Tim Burton powered claymation cousin, but it seems to have a lot more life. I’m not a huge fan of the characters, but the reviews their first big-screen outing are too good to ignore. If you like good British wit, and enjoy seeing wacky things made out of clay, you won’t want to miss this one. Head to the theater and watch an inventor and his dog hunt vicious, vegetable murdering, gigantic bunnies. It can’t miss.
STILL IN THEATERS AND WORTH YOUR TIME: Serenity, The 40-Year Old Virgin, Just Like Heaven
