We’re headed for another scattered weekend at the box office, with no must-see movie anywhere near theaters. Audiences are eager to see something, but there’s no clear choice out there. Which new movie should you choose this weekend? Here’s our weekly look at what’s new:
Limited Releases (Opening in fewer than 500 theaters.)
I want to see Tsotsi nearly as much as I wanted to see Murderball, which is to say not at all. Good reviews, good word of mouth, none of that is likely to do any good. It’s the story of a Johannesburg gang leader, and as a dumb American I’m not interested in Africa. It’s the planet’s most depressing continent. Instead, Unknown White Male is the most eye-catching limited release this weekend. It’s a documentary about a man with memory issues. His issue is that he has none. The film follows him as he tries to rebuild his life without any memory of who or what he was before his mental hiccup. If it didn’t have the documentary label slapped on it, you’d think it was fiction.
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion (Opens in 2,194 theaters.)
Tyler Perry returns to the fat suit comedy that made him money with another one of those Madea movies. This one’s based on a play that was a movie and is now a movie again or something. I’m not sure. I don’t need to be sure. These movies are horrible, Tyler Perry is horrible, men in fat suits are horrible. It’s bad enough when Martin Lawrence or Eddie Murphy does it. It’s not likely to get much better when done by the likes of Tyler Perry, whoever that is. Unless Madea kills her children and marries her son in this one, I’m staying away from it. We’re not even going to bother reviewing it.
Doogal (Opens in 2,318 theaters.)
Weinstein made an insane amount of money earlier this year with their first computer animated movie Hoodwinked. I wonder if they were as shocked by its success as we were? Doogal I’m afraid will not fare as well. If there’s been any advertising for it, I haven’t seen it and the people involved in making it are distancing themselves from it as fast as their feet can carry them. The film is the convoluted story of three diamonds and some magic Emperor who wants to use them to freeze the sun. The evil Emperor is voiced by John Stewart, who is not known for making good movies.
Running Scared (Opens in 1,611 theaters.)
Running Scared is getting good buzz… but only from people easily swayed by excessive cursing, gratuitous nudity, and over-the-top violence. Paul Walker’s latest promises to deliver all of those things, and given the other options opening this weekend a little F-word overuse might be best. Fact is, there’s nothing opening that isn’t terrible. The movie stars Walker as a scumbag on the run from the mob, the cops, and everyone else when he loses a gun used in a police officer slaying. To save his skin, he has to find the gun before he gets knocked off. This stands a chance of being slightly less terrible than some of the weekend’s other movies, and even if it is terrible at least you won’t have to wade through crowds of screaming, unbathed children to see it.
Still In Theaters and Worth Your Time: Curious George, Good Night, and Good Luck, Walk the Line, Munich
