Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
In case you haven’t heard, they cancelled the Golden Globes award show. Since the show is the only reason this POS award even exists, why not be brave and just not hand them out altogether. If the actors are saying screw you to the organizers, then the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (all 20 of them) should say screw you to the actors. Does anyone really care? They nominated John Travolta’s horrible performance in the very good Hairspray for the love of Allah. The writers and actors aren’t the only ones who should boycott this shit.
SATURDAY
Katey brings No Country to your prom.
I bring you some blended news…again.
In the boldest statement of this young year, Katey Rich is comparing the slasher movie, Prom Night to No Country for Old Men. Seriously. Well, I don’t think she was all that serious, but she did say it. Does that mean the ending for Prom Night is going to suck, too? Speaking of sucking, I do this news:blended thing every week, including last week. It was one of the only things we published on Saturday, so I’m blending it again. Like a cow with his cud.
SUNDAY
Killer virus movie out just after cold and flu season.
There Will Be Blood kicks a little ass.
When is the best time to release a movie about a killer virus wiping out most of the world’s population? March. At least that’s what the makers of Doomsday are hoping. It is unlikely Doomsday will be in the running for next year’s National Film Critics Association awards. If it does, it will hope to do as well as There Will Be Blood. The usual winner, No Country for Old Men, was nowhere to be seen.
MONDAY
Superman actor may still be Superman actor.
Man ejaculates on Watchmen set.
Monday was all about superheroes and their controversies. Some people are saying that Brandon Routh might still play Superman or at least that he won’t not play him. Is that the right amount of double negatives? Don’t ask Dave Gibbons, since he’s not saying anything lately. The “Watchmen” comic co-author went to the Watchmen movie set and gushed about its greatness. Everyone should try to forget that he has a financial interest in the movie and just enjoy his orgasm.
TUESDAY
Meet the new boss, younger than the old boss.
Movie you will watch on DVD to be release in theaters, too.
In case you haven’t heard, the latest actor who is in everything is Shia LaBeouf.. That’s right, he’s the new Brian Dennehey or Dakota Fanning. Shia’s latest project is the next Indiana Jones movie, but there have been hints he will carry on the franchise as the “next” Indyish guy. The last guy they planned to do this died in front of the Viper Room. Careful, Shia. Another dead guy sorta in the news is Jim Henson. A sequel to his The Dark Crystal was reportedly going straight to DVD but now it sounds like it will be released in theater. This is good news for anyone who wants their DVD rentals to have just a bit more class.
Look! Up in the sky! It’s a Flaming Hobbit.
There are MOVIES based on Harry Potter books?
As hip and different as we try to be around here, we still throw out top 10 lists and other best-of rigmarole at the end of the year, just like “Entertainment Weekly.” We put out a list on Wednesday and I was even given “Special Thanks” in the article. I then realized that I didn’t agree with any of the awards given out. Not one. That’s how we roll around here. Guillermo Del Toro didn’t win any of our awards but he might in a few years if he directs a Harry Potter movie. He’d like to, although it’s not clear anyone with decision making authority wants him for it.
THURSDAY
Josh is so frickin’ right it makes me scared.
Shambles and bambles.
Does anyone besides writers and producers care about the writer’s strike? Hell no! I just look at my television as if it were summer when I typically have to do with reruns and replacements. I’m sure everything will be made up next summer. Josh Tyler agrees with my kind of thinkin’ and wrote down everything I would have said if I wasn’t too lazy to write an article about it. Is there any way the strike can kill the JLA movie? I’m so sick of writing casting and costuming news about it. We finally just called the whole thing a “shambles.” Isn’t that what they said about Titanic? Oh wait, that was a boring moneymaker, too.
FRIDAY
The dominos are tumbling, just like in ‘Nam.
If this is what we will get, may the strike last forever.
You probably heard that some insignificant studios like UA and the Weinstein Company have settled with the WGA and will start writing new movies again. That’s good news for our 2011 releases, I’m already looking for what movie Bob and Harvey will put out that I’ll ignore. I really plan on ignoring a Conan the Barbarian movie that is reportedly going to be written when its studio, Lionsgate, settles with the WGA. The first movie, starring my governor, was awful. This one will have to be the same, won’t it?
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
