Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
We just finished up Halloween Week. That’s time to watch all the super scary movies that aren’t quite good enough to watch the rest of the year. It’s also a week for some movie news, so let’s get to that and see what popped up this week along with an overdose of Clark Bars.
SATURDAY
Jack Ryan, Take 4
Frank Miller threatens to direct again.
Saturday kicked off the Halloween week with the usual slow news day. Aaron Eckhart or Ryan Gosling as Jack Ryan, does anyone really care. It will always be Alec Baldwin to me. I mean Harrison Ford. No, Ben Affleck. Maybe all five of them should play him in the same movie, like they did with Dylan. In any case, just make sure Frank Miller doesn’t direct the movie and they should be fine. He’s planning to do Buck Rogers anyway. I’m sure it will be great.
SUNDAY
I’m predicting big things for this little guy.
Why actors should never talk about anything, ever.
Remember when Harry Potter was a big deal. Then they pushed back the release date of his movie and everyone forgot about him. Or maybe it was just me, I have a poor memory anyway. A new trailer was released to help us all remember that he exists and is a big wheel. It may also help us forget that Daniel Craig said the stupidest thing ever this week. He thinks the current economic problems will keep them from making a James Bond movie. Some guys are just lucky they are born good looking, otherwise they’d have to get by on brains, which would spell trouble for Craig if he was serious.
MONDAY
Nolan will definitely make another Batman movie…unless he doesn’t.
Tim Burton branches out.
You know what it means when someone says “I might do sequel X if there is a good script.” Nothing. It means nothing. The person might do it with a good script, or a bad script, or no script. Or, he might not do it no matter how good the script is. Just remember that when you read any story where Christopher Nolan says anything but “I’m doing Batman 3, we start filming tomorrow.” Tim Burton is already filming Alice in Wonderland. That Burton has already broken new ground by casting Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Now comes word that Christopher Lee has joined the cast and Danny Elfman will do the music. I like when a guy gets outside his comfort zone, don’t you?
TUESDAY
But the last movie was so awesome, Brendan.
It should be called madaASScar….get it?
You’d think in Hollywood that money was always more important than self-respect. Well, it’s only true 99% of the time. Brendan Fraser isn’t going to do Mummy 4 despite the likely boatloads of money he’d earned. You’d like to think it’s because he doesn’t want to be embarrassed anymore, but this is Brendan Fraser were talking about. Speaking of crappy movies, there is going to be another Madagascar out soon. I did NOT like the first one but almost everyone else did (or at least bought a ticket) so more clips are rolling out of Ben Stiller’s rectum. Which is where this franchise belongs.
WEDNESDAY
Go as a three hole punch version of yourself, instead.
Profane Soul Men are twice as hilarious.
We’re all about public service here at CinemaBlend. We don’t want you doing something lame like…dressing up as Speed Racer this Halloween. We warned you and hopefully you listened, otherwise you just might have tried to dress up like The Joker (like three characters on The Office did last night.) We also hope to bring as many raunchy trailers to your eyes as possible. We did that for Soul Men, because listen to the deceased Bernie Mac curse is what makes America such a great country. .
THURSDAY
Imagine how scary Sicko would be if Michael Moore didn’t make so much stuff up.
Mac goes to Hell.
The day before Halloween, we gave you the names of five scary movies. These are more scary because they are all true! And the phone call is coming from INSIDE the house! No phone call would get me to watch Drag Me to Hell. I saw a few clips at Comic-Con and it looked way too scary for me. I can barely look at the pictures.
FRIDAY
Dear Zachary…I got interviewed by CinemaBlend!
Spider-Man writer does whatever a Spider-Man writer can.
Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father is a movie Katey Rich really liked. So she went so far as to interview the director. Since she calls the movie “emotionally devastating,” I’m guessing it’s not a barrel of laughs. Well, everything can’t be Beverly Hills Chihuaua. Everything can’t be Spider-Man 3 either. That’s good, since it wasn’t a very good movie. Marvel has picked a big wheel playwright to get a script that doesn’t have Peter Parker dancin’. God, did that suck.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
