Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
More people went to see Saw IV than any other movie last week. Makes me almost wish my house had burned down after all. But there might be a Flash movie soon, so all is not lost.
SATURDAY
Literally nothing happened on Saturday. More accurately, whatever may have happened was ignored by our hung over band of intrepid news writers.
SUNDAY
Flash is the new Wolverine
I love the Flash. Not in a gay way, in a fan appreciation way. He is the one I hope takes the lead in the Justice League of America movie. He will also probably have a solo movie sometime soon directed by Wedding Crashers director David Dobkin. I guess that means he might get a handjob under the table at Clark Kent’s house. The producers of Saw IV must have offered a hand job to everyone who went to see it last weekend. All those happy endings allowed the crummy movie to win the box office prize. Hopefully it’s a one week wonder.
MONDAY
Josh becomes a corporate lackey.
Ratner won’t urinate on Carpenter’s classic.
Editor-in-Chief Josh Tyler doesn’t often rant in favor of something. Even more surprising was that he ranted in favor of pre-movie advertising. Strange, but true. Also true is the good news that Brett Ratner won’t be directing the remake of Escape from New York. I think as a reward, Ratner should be allowed to direct a remake of Escape from L.A., since everyone hated that piece of shit.
TUESDAY
WGA gets all big brother on the writers.
The CinemaBlend writers voted for their favorite horror comedies. A couple of the winners aren’t really horror movies at all. In fact, I’m starting to think this type of movie doesn’t really exist. But we got five of them. If one of our top five was just about to be shot, the WGA would want its writer to tell them exactly what was going on with the script. That way they could figure out if scabs are taking their jobs after they strike. Uh, duh, of course scabs are going to take your jobs, this is America.
Dallas scoop, part deux.
Spider-Man 4 will have words…new words.
We are working hard to be the site that corners the market on Dallas movie news. Considering where the site is headquartered, that makes some sense. Josh gives you an update on who might play two key parts in the story of J.R.’s family. Make sure you carefully read the story to see where Josh accidentally placed a former New York Knicks center into the action. I’m less interested in Dallas than I am in Spider-Man 4. That movie got a new writer. The old writer didn’t die or anything, he just got pissed and quit. The new guy wrote Zodiac and has a name similar to that guy from Dawson’s Creek.
THURSDAY
Julia Child is not dead…in the movie sense.
I once briefly tried to read a really terrible book called “Julie and Julia.” It was based on a blog about a whiner who tried to cook all the recipes in a Julia Child cookbook in one year in her small apartment kitchen. Since everyone loves whiney New York chicks, the book will now be a movie and the dead Julia Child will be played by not-dead Meryl Streep. Kevin Costner isn’t quite dead, but one of his biggest hits, Dances with Wolves will be sequelfied as The Holy Road. Kevin won’t direct it or star in it, or be involved in any way. So expect this to tank very hard.
FRIDAY
Strike! Strike! Strike!
Indy 4 a step closer to the theater.
The inevitable writers strike that has been expected for many months is just around the corner. In fact, if you are reading this Monday, it might have already started. Another key WGA panel approved the strike and talks are at a standstill. Get ready for a world where Jay Leno writes his own jokes. This is serious, people! Even more serious is the need to get the fourth Indiana Jones movie into the theaters. It’s getting closer as they finished principle photography. Now they need to digitally add in Harrison Ford’s personality.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
