Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
America went to the polls this last week and they also went here for their movie news. We don’t do any exit polls, but we do recap a couple of random stories from each day. How that relates to the election is a mystery, so let’s get to the newsocity.
SATURDAY
Someone takes a chance on a couple of up-and-coming filmmakers
Way to stretch yourselves, guys.
Not unlike it being hard out here for a pimp, it’s tough to be a struggling filmmaker just looking for a break. That’s why it was great to hear that a couple of boys named Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson finally got enough money to make their movie based on a Belgian comic strip. Keep on eye on these two; some big things are in store. Big things are also in store for Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker…big PAYDAYS, that is (hey-ooooo.) They are staring in some sort of rom-com that involves them living in Wyoming. Man, Hugh Grant in Wyoming, talk about a fish out of water!
SUNDAY
Sounds like a light hearted romp.
Nothing is more enjoyable than sitting down with a bag of popcorn and see a movie on people’s lives being ruined by false molestation charges. Thanks to Sean Penn for ruining our weekend. Nothing else happened on Sunday, or we would have covered it I’m sure.
MONDAY
If you make a movie with Halloween in the title, they will stupidly come.
Don’t really see the election connection…but good movies anyway.
Monday was the day before Election Day (spoiler alert: Obama won.) The one thing on people’s minds was, of course, who will direct the next Halloween movie. This will be the 48th movie for this storied franchise, each one better than the last. Oh wait, that’s not this franchise. This franchise sucks. Fortunately, none of the movies we recommended you watch instead of paying attention to the election sucks. They are all good movies. Nothing really to do with the election, but a nice random selection of eight movies worth seeing. You’re welcome.
TUESDAY
Rather than being a piece of crap, it’s a great big piece of crap.
We save you by spoiling this lame ass movie.
Tuesday was Election Day (spoiler alert: McCain lost.) It was also News About Lousy Sequels Day. One is a lousy movie, Madagascar 2, that will be out soon and the other is a lousy movie, Transformers 2, that will be out later. Both of them are going to suck and you will go see them both, so what’s the use.
Bruckheimer sits on his piles of money and chats.
Are you looking forward to Johnny Depp as Tonto? If so, Jerry Bruckheimer should be your hero, he’s going to make it happen. After the disaster that was Pirates 3, I’d like to think they’d put that franchise to rest, but no. Bruckheimer reminds us that if there is a buck to make, he’ll make it. I don’t know if the Day the Earth Stood Still remake will make many bucks, but it might. You won’t make any bucks drawing a picture of Gort, but if you do it, you might get your picture posted on the Internet. And you can’t do that on your own, unless you have a computer and a myspace or facebook page. And who does? .
THURSDAY
Button eyes are always scary.
Quantum is coming, it’s practically here.
It has been officially announced that Coraline is scary. Who announced it? We did. This website is scared by a stop-motion movie about a girl who finds a door to another dimension. Can’t you see us tremble? We’re also trembling with anticipation. Quantum of Solace will be out soon and we got some clips to hold us over. That’s good, but we need to see full length Bond kicking-ass and quick.
FRIDAY
Meet the new boy, same as the old boy.
Pixar ready to kick everyone’s ass once again.
Have you seen Oldboy? No? Me, either. The kind of people who have seen it are also the kind who get outraged at remakes. So get ready for the perfect storm as Steven Spielberg puts his stamp on this classic that I’ve never seen. A classic that I will seen as soon as it’s released is Up. That’s the next Pixar joint. See that, I just got all Spike Lee on your ass.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
