Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
This is a slow week for movies. I can’t think of any movie that every teenage girl is going to want to see that just got released, can you?
SATURDAY
Can’t we just let the boy with the long nose live in peace.
Read this story, save $8.
I think we all know that the definitive Pinocchio captured on film was when that kid from Home Improvement played him about 10 years ago. How can you top that? You can’t, that’s how, but Guillermo Del Toro will try. And fail. Speaking of failure, save $8 and skip seeing Dance Flick whenever it comes out. Watch the trailer, laugh for about 30 seconds and realize that is all you would laugh during the whole movie anyway. You’re welcome.
SUNDAY
This has “slow news day” written all over it.
The guy who wrote Valkyrie is writing some new movies. I can’t do anything funny with that, so I won’t even try.
MONDAY
20 minutes of Star Trek makes one man pray for a time machine.
Doesn’t the girl on the right in the poster look like the chick from Scooby-Doo?
Katey saw 20 minutes of Star Trek and she is excited about the upcoming movie. I didn’t and keep thinking that these are the guys who wrote Transformers and Fringe. I’m sure I’ll see it at some point…just not at the point where I have to pay money. Josh wasn’t charging any money to hear about his rant. It’s about how us right-wingers suck eggs. We’re not happy with Hollywood and we aren’t afraid to cry about it. I’m going to watch my Wall-E DVD and try to forget.
TUESDAY
Is Josh’s last line in this story some sort of innuendo?
The oddest thing about when Tremors came out was that Kevin Bacon was in it. I had thought he was, at the time anyway, too big for that movie. It mostly showed that I didn’t know anything about anything, which is still true. I know enough not to go see another Tremors movie, though. I’m also going to miss most of the documentaries up for a possible Oscar nomination. I may watch American Movie though. That won an Oscar, didn’t it? No? That’s why the documentary Oscar is full of crap.
No matter what we say or do, this is gonna be huge.
You mean it’s about young superheroes? That’s genius!
Wednesday was all about the kids. First there are the vampires meet the OC lust of Twilight. We thought they marketed it wrong. Yeah, it will only make 100 jillion dollars now. Dummies. Then we talked about X-Men meet the OC. It sounds horrible but could it be worse than The Last Stand. No, nothing could.
THURSDAY
The hamster is IN a hamster ball….get it?
You can’t find these images ANYWHERE but here. Until you can.
Bolt looks like something that hasn’t spewed from Disney animation in awhile; a good movie. It also is going against Twilight, so I’m hopping it kicks ass, box office-wise. If you want to know what it looks like, check out our clips. You can also check out exclusive images from a movie called A Lonely Place for Dying. It has the bad guy from that terrible Three Musketeers that starred Chris O’Donnell and Charlie Sheen. I always wondered what happened to that guy. Not really.
FRIDAY
Sometimes when you are good, good things happen.
It’s a great big beautiful tomorrow.
Did you ever watch Arrested Development on television. If so, you have taste and refinement and your breath smells minty fresh. It was a great show and that means it got cancelled while shit like Two and a Half Men goes on and on. We are getting a movie, though, so that’s as good as a banger in the mouth to Tobias. I have no way to transition from Arrested Development for earth, a movie from the DisneyNature division. So, I won’t even try. The trailer looks cool. Animals are awesome.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
