Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
The writer’s strike has begun. Unfortunately, since I don’t have a Union, I wasn’t able to walk off with them. I still have to blend the news for your entertainment. I’m just a dancing monkey, toss your quarters and watch me go.
SATURDAY
In a new twist, taking off clothes in Hollywood not viewed as a bad thing.
Non-nerds get their own January 18th movie.
Some people figured Disney would jettison Vanessa Hudgens from the 11-year old girl money machine, High School Musical 3 after nudie shots of her showed up. Other people didn’t care which kewpie doll automaton sung and danced when this TV movie franchise went big screen. Well, it will be Hudgens after all. Hopefully they will also sign the fat chick who loved hip-hop and studying equally. The actual release date for HSM 3 is unknown, but we are pretty sure J.J. Abrams’ “Cloverfied” thing will be out on 1/18/08. There are using all sorts of cwazy marketing tools to tease you about it. They aren’t the only film doing it though. A crummy sounding female heist picture with way past her prime Diane Keaton called Mad Money is sending out boxes of shredded money to remind people that they are coming out on 1/18/08, too. Now I have two films to ignore that day.
SUNDAY
Sequel of not great movie promises to be even more not great.
Lookin’ damn good, yo.
Stop with all the Point Break stuff, ok? The movie wasn’t very good. It was just a mediocre action thriller even less believable than the other 300 movies made in the last 25 years that are just like it. Stoners or the mentally disabled seem to love it, though, and they have money from their parents or social workers to spend on tickets to a sequel. So get ready for one. Until then, let’s all try to spend our money on stuff like Enchanted, which looks great. It also stars Jim’s purse selling ex-girlfriend and we all know she got Dwight to buy a man bag that was really a woman bag.
MONDAY
Writers do what everyone knew they’d do a month ago.
Actor I wish would go away to star in stupid remake. It’s win-win!
On Monday, the Writers Guild went on strike. In solidarity, I will not finish this…. Sly Stallone’s trailer for Rambo caused a lot of embarrassed tittering in the theater where I saw American Gangster. I admit to a bit of tittering about it myself. He is probably going to do a remake of Death Wish sometime soon, so get ready to titter again.
TUESDAY
G.I. Joe movie plans to have plot.
Jennifer Connelly works for my former classmate.
Since Transformers made a big heaping pile of money despite being a big heaping pile of something else, the door is now open for other toy based movies. I’m waiting for Rock-em Sock-em Robots. Until then, I’ll have to endure G.I. Joe. More plot details about the likely plot-free movie are out now. Jennifer Connelly probably never played with G.I. Joes, but she does make movies sometimes, since she’s so hot. She will be in the remake for The Day the Earth Stood Still, which the Internet hates since it’s based on one of those “classics” that 98% of living people have never seen and the other 2% wouldn’t watch tonight if you held a gun to their head.
We got the biggest….movie preview in town.
Jack Nicholson acts like a jerk, which is unusual for him.
Do you know what movies are coming out over “The Holidays?” If not, you are sadly out of touch, my friend. Get thee to our movie preview where we tell you just how excited you should legitimately be for any movie released in the next two months. One guy who isn’t excited about anything is Jack Nicholson. He wasn’t asked to be The Joker again (duh) and takes a few potshots at the Batman franchise. After his embarrassing performance in The Departed, he shouldn’t be allowed to act anywhere but in porn, much less The Dark Knight. .
THURSDAY
Goonies sequel, the story that won’t die.
Bruce Greenwood is Christopher Pike; Ed Perkis is Uninterested.
Another week, another god-damn Goonies sequel story. Now comes word that the lame movie that everyone wants to see a sequel for is going to Broadway instead. Good for them! Go. Please. Now. After nailing down unknowns for the big roles in the upcoming Star Trek reboot, JJ Abrams casts the ancillary roles with a grab bag of actors. Bruce Greenwood who once played JFK, will play original Enterprise captain, Christopher Pike. Whoopie.
FRIDAY
Watchmen blog, for all your Watchmen blogging needs.
Spock’s mom a thief.
If you are Watchmen crazy like some on this site, then have we got the blog for you. Well, we don’t have it, since we are too lazy to blog about one movie like a mental patient. Instead, we are letting the director do it for us. Unfortunately, he only appears to update it twice a year, so don’t expect too much. Another ancillary Star Trek role cast is Spock’s mother. If I remember correctly, she’s the human who got busy with a Vulcan. I wonder if she was also a thief, since Abrams cast Winona Ryder as Mama Spock. Remember ten years ago when Winona Ryder was a big deal? Don’t do drugs, kids.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
