Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
The new James Bond movie is out. You might have already seen Quantum of Solace, but that shouldn’t stop you from reading all our fascinating news about the movie. We wrote a lot of stories and did a lot of interviews and we didn’t even like it that much. Imagine what we will do when Watchmen comes out.
SATURDAY
The Mac guy does something completely unrelated to schilling for computers.
I know! It’s cinematic genius!
How long will it be until Justin Long starts punching in the face anyone who calls him “that Mac guy.” He’s a serious actor. Well, not that serious. He’s in stuff like Drag Me Down to Hell where a woman gets stapled in the head, but he’s not just a corporate schill. He’s going to go after Liam Neeson in a new movie….so, that’s something. Nicole Kidman and Charlize Theron are going to go after each other by playing a married couple. The twist, Nicole is a man, baby! No word if Mike Myers is involved.
SUNDAY
Kelly Leak, we hardly knew ya.
This doesn’t seem like a very popular story.
Watchmen stuff continues to pop up like a guy looking at that hot chick from Watchmen. On Sunday it was a teaser poster. That chick is a teaser poster herself, am I right? Hey ohhhhhh. Actually, this poster features Kelly Leak himself. If Kelly doesn’t do it, we can put Miguel in, at least he’ll try. If you’ve never seen The Bad News Bears, that last part probably sounds lame. As lame as a Wizard of Oz remake. Even animated and directed by the guy from Excalibur. I got a bad feeling about this.
MONDAY
Cue screaming.
Cue screaming, but not in a good way.
I’m pretty sure Twilight opens soon, like maybe next week. Thank god. On Monday we posted an interview with Robert Pattinson, who plays the dreamiest vampire among a group of dreamy vampires. Then we also learned that when Pattinson went to a mall (remember, like Tiffany used to do) his fans got all cwazy and hurt each other. I’m pretty sure someone was either killed or really inconvienced.
TUESDAY
Wax on, wax off….all the cars….big Willie style.
Get on my invisible plane, now.
I once spent the summer hanging out with a nephew of the guy that directed Karate Kid. That’s right, the guy who put Daniel through his paces with Arnold from Happy Days had a nephew and I knew him. It’s like I should be starring in a remake of Karate Kid, not Will Smith’s son. Actually, those things are unrelated, nevermind. We should also nevermind about a Wonder Woman movie directed by McG. It’s going to be horrible. Can’t you just feel the badness of it….I can.
WEDNESDAY
Josh misses his martinis.
Marc Forster loves his movie.
A new James Bond movie opened on Friday so naturally we trashed it on Wednesday. Well, not trashed, but Josh thought it was pretty “eh” and wrote a whole story on how you should skip it. Then we interviewed the director and he thinks it’s a good flick so now I’m totally confused. My god, could they both be right? .
THURSDAY
”Bulma can suck on my Piccolo.”
Movie trailer leads to intense political discussion which leads to real change in America. Well, not that last thing.
I will never see Dragonball , but I now plan on reading every story we write about it. Someone wrote the line “Bulma can suck on my Piccolo” in the comments section of our last Dragonball story and while I don’t really know who Bulma or Piccolo are, it made me love our comment section. I also loved it because a lot of people are talking about illegal immigration in the comment section of a Harrison Ford movie story. That’s what brings about solutions.
FRIDAY
All the actors love their director.
Daniel Craig had his balls slammed in the name of making a new James Bond. In the new movie, he gets repaid by getting to make it with that hot Russian chick. How does he feel about that, we don’t know but we do know other things about him that are only slightly less interesting. Also less interesting is a puff piece about how the actors in Valkyrie think the movie and the director are super awesome. Even Tom Cruise likes it, and he never gets crazy excited about anything.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
