Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
It’s Easter weekend. That means your kids are out of school and you are hoping like hell they go back soon. While you are waiting for them to go back, get up to speed on all the big goings on in movie news land. Our boss says he likes more movies than he should.
SATURDAY
I don’t know that of which I speak.
Which Witch is Which?
A couple of our faithful readers pointed out that if I hadn’t seen The Others, I shouldn’t write a story about director Alejandro Amenabar’s next movie, Agora. That’s an interesting theory, if you define the word interesting to mean crazy. Still, if you want to see Rachel Weisz playing an old-tyme female astronomer and mathematician, this is the move for you. A movie for me was the old Escape to Witch Mountain, but I’m not excited about the new Dwayne Johnson remake, Race to Witch Mountain. I am excited about Carla Gugino being involved, though. And you are, too.
SUNDAY
Our podcast is better than your podcast. Probably.
Go Speed Go, without any profanity or nudity and only mild adult situations.
The Weekly Blend podcast doesn’t get enough mentions in this weekly recap, mostly because I sometimes forget it exists. I have it on automatic download, but it doesn’t seem to spur me to write about it here. I plan on rectifying that right now: The Weekly Blend Podcast exists! Speed Racer also exists and it will exist for even the youngest of children. Word is it will be rated PG so don’t expect any Ricci flashing or Racer X turning into Racer XXX.
MONDAY
Baltimore’s favorite insane poet is back!
Rapper looks like another rapper.
If you are watching The Sarah Connor Chronicles on television then you don’t live in my house. Nothing against it, just not my bag. I do like me some Edgar Allen Poe, though. The aforementioned show’s Lena Headey will be in a Poe rip-off, uh, adaptation called Tell Tale. It will not also star Jamal Woolard, a rapper I’ve never heard of. Instead, Jamal will be in a movie about Biggie Smalls. He has a picture of himself in a Biggie outfit and does have a passing resemblance. That is also what I will do when I see the theater playing this movie, pass it. Ha ha, I crack myself up.
TUESDAY
Josh loves bad movies.
Those crazy Disney fans.
For those who claim Cinema Blend head honcho Josh Tyler has no shame, he goes out of his way to prove them wrong. Not only does he acknowledge some lousy movies that he actually liked, but he explains how we got one of those DVD box blurbs you usually ignore. We should all also ignore Disney-centric websites. The people there are kooky. One is saying that Disney might stop making Narnia movies for no real reason. Makes sense.
The never ending Hobbit story doesn’t end.
On Wednesday we pretended that there was going to be an Anchorman sequel. If you read that story, you probably got to the end and cursed us for being so misleading. Also for that picture of Judd Apatow. You might also curse us for continuing to bring you stories about who is or isn’t or might or might not direct The Hobbit. I’m starting to hope all copies of the book are burned, so we don’t have to think about Guillermo Del Toro maybe still doing it. Or maybe not.
THURSDAY
Two scoops of Terminator goodness. Actually, just one.
Finally, some good news.
Somehow we got a scoop on the plot of Terminator 4. If you are interested in the timeline problems brought about by the casting of characters like John and Kyle at different ages, you might find our scoop interesting. If you think that maybe this whole thing has gone on long enough, you could be me. The Fantastic Four movies have definitely gone on long enough. One of the stars thinks they are hanging up their costumers. I say it is like Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving all rolled into one.
FRIDAY
This is going to be so great, or at least better than average.
Fake picture actually real picture. Really.
I’m of two minds with Get Smart and the big screen adaptation. It could really suck eggs. I mean, it could be a freakin’ disaster of epic proportions. Then again, it could be really great. No clue from the trailer since even the trailer of College Road Trip looked ok. Not really. We thought the first picture of Snake Eyes from the G.I. Joe movie was faked. It looks kinda fake, but it’s real. Unlike Sly Stallone’s face, which looks fake and is fake.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
