Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
This week I’m shining the white hot spotlight of fame on some of our writers. They are a pretty good bunch and toil hard to inform and entertain on what could be described as a pittance if this were a Dickensian work house. I’m sure they will enjoy my praise more than actual, you know, money.
SATURDAY
Batmobile makes like Jon Bon Jovi song.
MPAA acts slightly less Nazish.
The movie news week started off with stuff gettin’ blowed-up. If the rumors are true (and when are they not) the Batmobile will get itself exploded during The Dark Knight, currently filming in Chicago. Our own Mack Rowden is concerned about that but didn’t let his concern stop him from comparing the Batmobile to the Whig party, which isn’t as easy to do as it sounds (if you’re not reading Mack’s stuff, you’re missing out, he’s hilarious). Mack was also happy to see the source of all evil in the world, the MPAA, overturn an “R” rating on a Hip-Hop documentary and give it a “PG-13.” I guess I would care more if I thought an “R” rating actually stopped any kids from seeing movies, but Mack was kinda bummed about the Batmobile thing, so this put a spring in his step.
SUNDAY
America disappoints us again with their ticket buying decisions.
Highly specialized award given out.
Speaking about guys who are kinda bummed, poor Scott Gwin had to crown Disturbia the box office winner of the week, again. That’s three weeks folks, which reflects as poorly on America as the Mai Lai massacre. Not that Hollywood gave us much choice with the final pre-summer dregs limping out as we get ready for the web-slingers domination. Speaking of domination, Selma Hayek dominated the boobs-in- movies award for 2006 given out by the pervs at MrSkin.com. It’s nice to know that with Hayek’s career at a standstill she is still noticed in certain quarters.
MONDAY
Natalie Portman changes hair, somehow makes news.
Dementia of the Damned is damn fine writing.
The most important story of the week, nay the year, broke on Monday and we didn’t let it escape our eagle eyes. Natalie Portman will be blonde in My Blueberry Nights. We bring the important business of filmmaking to you no matter what the cost or how big the bombshell. We’re not sure what Portman is doing in the movie, exactly, but someone will pour a bottle of dye on her head before she does it. And thank the deity of your choice for that. More seriously, anyone who considers themselves a horror fan or wants to become one should be checking out Jason Morgan’s Dementia of the Damned series. Even if you aren’t that interested, he’s a damn fine writer and the columns aren’t just a top ten list, they take a nice long look at the subject. In the second installment, he waxes poetic about the scary stuff that oozes over from Japan.
TUESDAY
Fantastic Four trailer raises hopes so movie can dash them.
Borat’s wraslin’ may win big award.
There is no reason to think that the same actors and same director who turned Fantastic Four into a big heaping pile of boring will fare any better with the upcoming sequel. But some people are gluttons for punishment and want to get excited about what will surely be another big disappointment. If you are one of those people, a new trailer is out. Also out are the 2007 MTV Movie Award nominees. Because the real purpose of the show is not to hand out awards but to have a show, the nominations are the usual assortment of ridiculous inclusions and mediocre big budget movies. The goal seems to be getting certain people to come to the show than to reward, well, anything.
Busy Brendan looks at some TRIBECA offerings.
Brendan watches more movies than should be possible.
A story we had to bring you, but don’t feel good about.
Brendan Butler has been running around the Tribeca Film Festival trying to see everything he can just so he can tell you all about them. It’s pretty darn nice of him when you think about it. Take a look at what might be showing up at your local art house or the DVD rack of your neighborhood mega-store and find out if you should waste your dough on it. Lots of people are going to be wasting their dough on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix this summer, but it won’t be because of Emma Watson’s big bust. Some people have compared two posters for the movie and feel that her chest has been reduced to give it less emphasis. There are side by side comparisons for those of you who want to whip out your magnifying glasses.
THURSDAY
Everything you wanted to know about Spider-Man but have too much of a life to find out about.
Your ticket purchase could make the difference for Spider-Man 4.
I wasn’t aware of it until just a few minutes ago but there is a sequel to Spider-Man out this weekend. Boy, sometimes I need to shut off the ‘House’ re-runs and pick up a newspaper. Fortunately, Rafe Telsch pays closer attention than I do and he put together, literally, everything we have on Spider-Man 3 and the two previous movies including reviews, trailers, stills, a chance to discuss the movie with other fans, and assorted tricks and trinkets. While Rafe was turning over the waste can that is the CinemaBlend archives, Josh Tyler was holed up with a super-secret source giving us a super-secret scoop about the chances of bringing back Tobey Maguire, et. al. for more spidertastic fun. Apparently, we can all do our part by buying tickets for the third movie so that Maguire doesn’t have to live on a mere $20 million payday.
FRIDAY
The thing about the lips that we thought might be false is actually true.
Babel joke writes itself.
The Optimus Prime lip controversy reared its ugly head yet again on Friday. After hearing that the Transformers robot would have lips and then having the Michael Bay’s blog deny it, more pictures arrive to support the lips exist theory. That kinda makes Michael Bay a liar. So if I’m adding this up correctly, he’s both a crappy director and he doesn’t always tell the truth. He’s one ahead of me. Also, from the we-can’t-make-this-stuff-up file, comes the news that Babel is making people in Japan vomit. I can’t really add anything more amusing to that sentence than is already there, so I won’t even try.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
