Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
I got really behind with life this week and hadn’t completed the news:blended for my many fan. I’m sure said fan was worried, but don’t fret, here it is and better than ever. Actually, it’s a bit slapdash and abbreviated, because I gots things to do. I was actually thinking about just putting in the links and letting you imagine your own, much better comments, but that is the sort of thing that causes your editor to “forget” to credit your pay pal account at the end of the month.
SATURDAY
A lot of things happened on Saturday, but not much of it was reported on by us. Certainly nothing worth repeating. So just let your eyes keep wandering down the page my loyal fan.
SUNDAY
You God damn dirty ape!
Charlton Heston, a great actor and a great man, died at 84. Only one person commented on his death and he was one of those pissy whiners who rejoiced at his passing. The comments on Heath Ledger having a scene cut from a film number above 50. You people are screwed up. Also, listen to Weekly Blend on your iPod. It’s good stuff.
MONDAY
Nevermind.
Bad fans hate being called bad fans.
Another website reported, and we repeated, that Orlando Bloom had been chosen to star in The Prince of Persia for Jerry Bruckheimer. Then we actually checked on the story and found out it wasn’t true. Later we heard it was going to be Jake Gyllenhaal. It will end up being someone, I’m sure. We also went on the offensive against Bad Fans everywhere on Monday. Stuart Wood kicked up off by taking on Anime Fetishists. They responded by calling him a dick…in so many words. Look for more Bad Fan rants in the near future.
TUESDAY
Sequels and direct-to-DVD crap abounds.
More advertising for a movie that needs none.
I like Disney movies. Some of them are fun and cute and good for the kids. Some suck. After releasing their next 16 film titles and descriptions, I think my assessment still stands. I like Batman movies, also. The Dark Knight marketing people have a video out showing Rachel Dawes defending Harvey Dent. How does this fit into the movie? Who cares! I’m going regardless and so are you.
Actually, it is pretty cool.
Wednesday was a day for talking about things I’d never heard of. The Spirit is based on an influential comic. Never heard of it. French film snobs like Last Year At Marienbad. That’s nice. Couldn’t tell you anything about it. It’s obvious I’m a movie writer who doesn’t know much beyond the major film releases for the last two or three years.
THURSDAY
What Would Heath Do?
Where in the world is the audience for this shit?
We set off an insane firestorm of comments by reporting that they might cut some of Heath Ledger’s performance in The Dark Knight because he’s, you know, dead. Later, we heard it might not be true but that didn’t stop people from raging against the machine. I think people should also rage against the machine that is boring crap from Morgan Spurlock. Josh says his new movie sucks and that rather than blaming himself, he’s blaming me. Sort of.
FRIDAY
Hint: It’s about fast cars.
You can win a fast car.
Remember that Tracy Chapman song? No? Well, it was about a fast car and a lazy boyfriend or something. Anyway, on Friday we provided information about a spoiler for Fast and the Furious 4: The Most Furious of All. All I can say is that Lost has started a good trend. You can also win a fast car that looks like the car in Speed Racer. Monkey not included.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
