Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
We ranted a lot this week. We really had a bug up our butts. Mike Myers, the AFI, Dan Brown, everything pissed us off. We also got a big laugh out of Megan Fox, she’s such a kidder.
SATURDAY
Anna Faris will be heard but not seen.
Matt Damon briefly looks like a normal person.
Saturday was, as usual, a slow news day. We found out Anna Faris is going to do a movie voice with that guy from the Narnia rap thing on Saturday Night Live. We also saw some picture where Matt Damon is heavier than normal for a role. Or maybe he’s wearing padding. Whatever.
SUNDAY
Hulk smash Internet rumors.
Crappy looking movie releases funny looking still.
We all know Edward Norton wanted The Incredible Hulk to have more talking and less smashing. Marvel wanted a popular movie rather than another Ang Lee debacle. Marvel won and it turns out they were right. It’s also right to avoid any parody movie these days. They all suck because they aren’t Airplane or Naked Gun.
MONDAY
Faux-stoned guys do faux-stoner show.
Stan Winston died this week. He had more influence on special effects than just about anyone and it’s a true loss for the industry. Of course, the real important story on Monday was more viral marketing. This time for The Wackness. We’ve been running on and on about The Wackness on this site, it’s this year’s The Lookout.
TUESDAY
Mack is a crazy bastard genius.
Wan’t me to shake it for you, too?
There is nothing to say about Mack’s rant on Tuesday about Dan Brown, the Pope, and Tom Hanks except you MUST read it. Funniest thing on the net right now and that includes that YouTube video of someone getting hit in the nuts. Speaking of nuts, we got to see a little of Two-Face in The Dark Knight. I don’t think I could be anymore excited for this movie. Lord Ah-Mighty!
Mike Myers undone by funny character.
He’s both the interviewer and the interviewee. Get it?
We started turning our rants on Mike Myers and how the Love Guru is going to suck and that’s the fault of his Austin Powers character. This is a novel approach, blaming a lousy current movie on a previous successful movie, but we do it not once but twice! Katey on Wednesday and Mack on Thursday. So don’t like good movies, they might result in bad movies in the future. An once of prevention, as they say. They also say that the shtick of Steve Carell interviewing himself is getting old. Well, “they” aren’t saying it, but I sure as hell am saying it. This is probably the second or third of his movies in a row where he does it. It’s funny, but, damn bro, get a new act. .
THURSDAY
Steve Carell didn’t always sell paper.
I’m sorry for The Love Guru
Ever wonder what Steve Carell did before he hit The Daily Show and all the ensuing greatness (or, in the case of Evan Almighty, non-greatness?) No? Me, either. That doesn’t mean we don’t satisfy that non-curiosity you have for random Steve Carell appearances over the years. We also satisfy your desire to be blamed for Mike Myers sinking career. Mack thinks you are to blame for Mike not being funny every again. He also yells at kids he doesn’t have, which makes him sorta nutso.
FRIDAY
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Stick with what you are best at.
I’ve never played Grand Theft Auto since I’m an old man and the bright lights and shiny do-dads confuse me. It’s supposed to the biggest thing since Ms. Pac Man and you’d think Hollywood would want to make a buck off that. Not so fast, says an aspiring legal scholar. No way, no how. Or, more likely, way and how since the reason there won’t be a film sounds pretty flimsy. Not as flimsy as the shirt Michael Bay will make Megan Fox wear in Transformers 2. He hired her to be eye candy and she is fine with that. She also thinks she’s helping write the script, but I think I could have played catcher for the Cubs if my knees had held up. We all have these silly lies we tell ourselves, Megan.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
