Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
Some guy flew half way around the world with a scary form of TB and said that he didn’t mean to hurt anyone and hopes that no one dies. He blames health officials because they didn’t say he was a risk to other people even though they sent him a letter saying “whatever you do for the love of Jehova, don’t get on an airplane.” What does this have to do with movies and movie news, you ask? Nothing, but man is this guy a big tool.
SATURDAY
Video game to be movie, oh happy day.
Some random trailers see the light of day.
Let’s face it; all video game movies are bad. If not bad, they are mediocre at best. Spy Hunter was going to be a vehicle for Dwayne Johnson, but ended up falling apart. Now there is word it’s back but possibly without Johnson. Will it be bad, or just mediocre? Whenever they get a trailer put together for Spy Hunter, we’ll put it in trailer trash. It’s the place we toss any trailer we never got around to showing you and let you put on your boots and wade right in. Don’t forget your shots.
SUNDAY
Knocked Up does pretty darn good.
The magic guy who isn’t David Blaine breaks into movies.
Knocked Up was unable to knock Pirates out of the top box office slot, but it did well thanks primarily to this site telling everyone 100 times a day to go see it. Next week it will be all Ocean’s 13 as George Clooney tries to apologize for the last sequel by being good. A street magician named Criss Angel will appear in a movie. If you like David Blaine then you probably hate this guy, and visa versa. Or maybe you don’t give a crap about either of them and figure any movie the guy is in will suck, since he’s not an actor. That’s the road I’m taking.
MONDAY
Evan Almighty Director not watching my television set.
Raise your hand if you’ve seen the commercial, posters, trailers, and other marketing material for Evan Almighty at least 20 times. Right, me too. If you haven’t seen it, and let’s face it, you’d have to be living in a cave, it means one of your cave mates is director Tom Shadyac. He is running around claiming that there hasn’t been any marketing for his Noah-themed comedy. Come over to my place Tom, I’m a marketing magnet for your flick.
TUESDAY
1408 director talks to us and we talk to him.
Dementia of the Damned joins this summer’s threequel craze.
Josh rips Idol contestant, her fans rip back.
Rafe Telsch our DVD guru somehow scored an interview with Mikael Hafstrom, the director of the upcoming 1408. He talks about stuff and answers the questions we throw at him. Rafe is a modern kinda guy so the interview is one of those things the kids call podcasts. If you have ears, you’re all set. Some of the people in the movies that Jason Morgan writes about no longer have ears….or heads. Jason writes Dementia of the Damned about the horror genre. He’s joined some of our biggest popcorn movie factories by producing his third installment. It covers the Showtime series, “Masters of Horror.” In a horror of a different sort, Josh said some non-supportive things about an American Idol contestant who plans to act in a movie and her friends and foes immediately leave comments saying alternately that she is the greatest thing since moveable type or a no talent waste.
Kevin Smith branches out by making movie with nudity.
Possibly the next Pixar movie kicks off the definite current Pixar movie.
Kevin Smith is going to make a movie about making a porno. He calls the nudity “funny” but not “gratuitous.” That means he has his nudity priorities really out of whack. Out of whack! Get it? Damn, that was a good one. Unlike Mr. Smith, Pixar makes movies that I actually like. They showed a trailer for what might be their next movie. It’s about robots, but hopefully won’t be lame like that other animated robot movie, Robots.
THURSDAY
Great Debate channels Al Jolson.
Maybe new Transformers song by one of three bands.
The Great Debate is back and we get all racial on your ass. Scott and Stuart dispute if it is ok for an actor to darken their skin to play someone of a different race. The answer is: of course, they are ACTORS. Harrison Ford isn’t really an archaeologist, Leonard Nimoy isn’t really a Klingon, Eddie Murphy isn’t really a fat woman….well, if we could keep Eddie Murphy from making Norbit 2, I’m ready to say everyone should appear just as they are in real life. In less controversial news, there might be a copy of the new Transformers theme song available online. It might be one band playing it or another, or the whole thing might be a hoax. If it’s not the real deal, we blame another website.
FRIDAY
Go see Knocked Up so filmmaker has money to pay off this turd.
Your 2009 schedule just got a little tighter.
It’s no secret that this website loves Knocked Up, the Judd Apatow comedy about a shlubby guy who has a one-night stand and gets the woman pregnant. Now comes word that a Canadian author says that any movies based on this premise are all her idea. If that sounds kinda narcissistic, it’s because it is narcissistic. From here on out, I need to be paid if anyone does a movie in which a man drives a car. I invented that. Hopefully this issue will get resolved before May 1, 2009, as that is the date Voyage of the Dawn Treader will be released. That’s right, you now only have 23 months to wait.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
