Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
The biggest news item of the week was Samuel L. Jackson saying if someone plays a stripper in a movie, the clothes should come off. I can’t explain how much I agree with that. In fact, if someone plays a good-looking coffee shop employee in a movie, I think the clothes should come off. Keep at it Samuel, I’m behind you!
SATURDAY
Rob’s song must be used!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On Saturday we posted another Twilight story and, consequently, our comments section saw an explosion of exclamation points and the repetition of letters to signify intense desire. Most of it had to do with concern over Rob’s song not being used, even though the news item didn’t say it wouldn’t be used. Not that it matters. The whole movie could be the lead actors jabbing each other in the ear with meat hooks and these girls would pack the movie theaters in November.
SUNDAY
What are you doing, Sam?
Almost dying gives you super powers.
We all love that great actor Kevin Spacey. He hasn’t really made a good movie in about ten years (except Superman Returns), but he used to make good movies and we love the idea that he could be in a good movie again. It might be Moon, although he’s only going to be the voice of a computer and maybe that doesn’t count? No such potential outs for Anne Hathaway. She’s in a movie about people not dying in a plane crash who have powers. If the movie bombs, she’s to blame and I don’t care if Julie Andrews is her grandmother.
MONDAY
Johnny Depp or Mickey Rooney?
Samuel L. Jackson holds out for artistic integrity.
The next Batman movie hasn’t even started planning stages yet and already it has a cast that includes Cher and Mickey Rooney. Ok, not really, but the casting rumors are coming hot and heavy. The latest is Johnny Depp as the Riddler. He’s no Frank Gorshin, but I like the idea. It’s better than Heath Ledger as the Joker, man that was a crappy idea, right? Depp is a great actor, but a real thespian with a heart for truth is on Mister L. Jackson. Samuel says that strippers should strip in movies or it’s not real. I think Lee Strasberg used to say the same thing.
TUESDAY
It’s like Batman, only different in every way.
Elementary, my dear Watson….you don’t exist, yet.
I hate The Dark Knight. The mega-zillions it’s making are causing people to think a “reboot” of any franchise will cause cash registers to rain money down like flying daggers from the heavens. That makes no sense, but neither does continuing to suck the teet of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for a live action film. It makes more sense to cast Russell Crowe as Dr. Watson in a movie about Sherlock Holmes. Of course, that’s why the rumor of it turned out to be false. Crowe won’t be Watson and neither will I, so that limits the possibilities immensely.
Guns don’t kill people, posters do.
The lengths kids will go to find a place to do it.
Wednesday we were all about posters. There was a very nice poster for City of Ember that makes me want to see the movie if only to find out if the guy lets go of the girl’s hand and she falls to a grisly death. I’m guessing no. We also found out that the Wanted posters were banned in Britain for having guns in them. The movie where people shoot bullets from those guns into people is apparently fine, just not a picture of someone holding a gun. God bless America…..I mean England. .
THURSDAY
Michael Scott and Creed remember to not cross their streams.
This movie is why we have to save Nic Cage’s career tomorrow.
The Ghostbuster 3 rumors were flying around this week. One had some of The Office writers taking a crack at the script. Of course, that would mean that Dan Aykroyd couldn’t write it and we’d miss out on the genius that brought us Nothing but Trouble and Blues Brothers 2000. Aykroyd also didn’t have anything to do with the writing of Bangkok Dangerous. Nic Cage didn’t either, but he did star in the movie and then we interviewed him about it. We asked him important questions like…what’s up with that hair?
FRIDAY
We save Vin Diesel’s career.
Then we save Nic Cage’s as well.
On Friday we were all about helping. We gave and gave and gave until it hurt. Vin Diesel only needs to follow our three easy steps, and he’s back on top. Well, he was never on top, but he was solidly in the lower middle. Nic Cage, who really was on top, needs more steps to fix what’s wrong. Only two more than Vin, but still, it’s gotta be embarrassing when they meet at parties and Vin throws up the three fingers, reminding Nic his career resurgence will happen 40% faster.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
