Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
This was a pretty busy week in news land here at CinemaBlend. We were pissed because we couldn’t review Clone Wars early. Then we were pissed because it was going to suck. Then we were happy that you can say “retard” in a comedy and get away with it. Then we thought Robert Downey, Jr. should get an Oscar he will never get. Plus Bernie Mac died and Isaac Hayes died and that sorta sucks even worse than Clone Wars.
SATURDAY
Might as well call it White Jack.
A less important story than the above story.
I always thought that the best scene in any of the Ocean movies is in Ocean’s 11 where Bernie Mac and Matt Damon pick Andy Garcia’s pocket for the vault codes. Mac makes that scene with his dismissive hand wave at Damon while he seethes with fake anger. Bernie Mac died last week, which is sad. He really made me laugh. An adaptation of a polo playing space adventurer got some screenwriters. It’s hard to generate much enthusiasm with that. Bernie playing Flash Gordon would have been something I watched, though.
SUNDAY
Hell no, the soul men won’t go.
Won’t you please come to Chicago just to make a movie about the Chicago 7?
In one of those ironic things that Alanis Morissette used to sing about, Isaac Hayes and Bernie Mac both died last week and are in an upcoming movie together. The movie will probably get released but it will be sad. Like meeting the man of your dreams…and then meeting his beautiful wife. Oh wait, that’s not ironic, either. It’s also not ironic that Paul Greengrass is going to make a movie about the Chicago 7 that Steven Spielberg was planning on making. It’s just one of those things in crazy Hollywoodland.
MONDAY
We are safe to mock the less fortunate as long as we are funy!
Sutherland needs to stay with that 24 thing.
The controversy related to the repeated use of the word “retard” in Tropic Thunder continued with Josh Tyler supporting its use based on the fact that he used to be fat. Or something. That’s probably not his whole point, but he mentions it for what it’s worth. He also mentions that Mirrors is going to suck. Not because anyone is or was fat, but just because. I’m pretty sure he’s right.
TUESDAY
Downey wins Oscars in movie, but will not win Oscar for movie. Man, that’s some deep shit right there.
I saw it and you’re right not to be excited by Clone Wars.
We kept Tropic Thundering away on Tuesday. Josh thinks Robert Downey, Jr. deserves an Oscar for his performance as Kirk Lazarus. Hmmmmm. I think not. I liked the movie, best comedy of the year so far, but I wasn’t blown away by Monsieur Downey, Jr. Mostly I think he just looks good compared to Ben Stiller. But who doesn’t? One thing is for sure, you should definitely see this over Clone Wars. I’ve seen them both and Lucas’ latest offering will be fine as a television show but is just, you know, not so great. The Star Wars fans I saw it with (they had club t-shirts and everything) didn’t seem enthused.
The vampire hotties fan club is once again heard from.
I couldn’t be fooled by you if you used an electrified fooling machine.
This is becoming somewhat old news around here. We write something less than complimentary about the Twilight book series adaptation and a bunch of fans comment with versions of the following:
“No way, the movie and book rules, go Team Edward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“You are the one’s who suck, not Twilight and it’s a great book and message that will make a great movie that will be great and not suck, like you.”
“I can’t wait until the movie is released and whomever wrote this article will feel really stooooooooooooooooopid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
What isn’t old news is something I wrote getting any comments. That almost never happens as I am so accurate and well reasoned that everyone must agree with me no matter what I say. Or no one reads my stuff. Either way, I wrote something about how Dogville sucked and someone commented. Thank you, sir! I will continue to write about barely watched Nicole Kidman movies from 2003 more often. .
THURSDAY
Call me back when this starts making REAL money.
Half-blood will have to wait for warmer weather.
It takes balls to be the guy who sees that a movie is one of the 50 most popular movies of all time, that’s all freakin’ time, and still says “yeah, well, it’s not so great or anything.” But Scott Gwin has balls. Big ones. He’s down on The Dark Knight because even though it’s more popular than roughly every other film ever, except the top .00001%, it’s not number 1 or anything. Tough crowd. It won’t be a tough crowd next summer, so Harry Potter is going to go hang there and kick everyone’s ass box-office wise. Scott will reserve judgement, though.
FRIDAY
Watchmen is still coming.
The Rocker is still coming, too.
More pictures of The Watchmen have been released. They look pretty good. That doesn’t mean the movie is any good, but if the pictures looked crummy, it would be a bad sign. I’m like that, looking for bad signs everywhere. I need to look on the bright side of life like that guy who got crucified in the Monty Python movie. One guy looking at the bright side is Rainn Wilson. Even though his movie, The Rocker has been delayed, he’s still trying to get you to go see it. Maybe it’s as awesome as that picture of him in his underwear. Or it could be as horrific as that picture of him in his underwear.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
