I’m not here to judge what you’re doing with your free time or what gets you off. You like what you like and as long as it’s not harming anyone, you do you. That being said, occasionally I need to comment on some weird trends or pieces of data I come across, and well, this one warps to that level. Not only are people apparently out there searching for Super Mario Bros.-related pornography on the regular, relevant keywords have seen a huge spike this month after Nintendo announced some new upcoming releases.
Our friends over at Pornhub were kind enough to send us some data. Porn and video games have always had a lot of overlap, but it turns out all these searches aren’t just for Princess Peach or Mario’s famous mustache rides. There are some people out there searching for some truly weird characters including Toad, Yoshi and Bowser, the last of which has some legit volume. Check out this graph below…
I hate to keep fixating on Bowser here because even curmudgeonly villains with jagged teeth need love too, but the idea of someone wanting to incorporate Bowser into their sexual thoughts is just laugh out loud funny to me. What should I watch tonight? Should I go for some step-sister videos? Ehh, maybe I should go for amateurs tonight? Maybe something topical? Nah, you know what, I don’t have much time, let me just watch Bowser do something weird with those spikes.
Not to devote another paragraph to this madness, but just look at my man here and tell me this whole thing doesn’t make you laugh. There are people out there sexualizing this dude and watching him get after it while trying not to set his bedmate on fire…
Fortunately, that’s not the only data Pornhub threw our way. The folks over there were also kind enough to pass along some data on searches people made immediately before or after the Mario keywords, and it’s pretty much what you would expect. Cartoon and Princess top the list for really direct and obvious reasons, but if you dig deep enough, there are some gems a lot lower. For example: I love the idea of someone searching for Mario and then changing their mind and going with Megan Fox. Just a really straight line of thinking required there.
I definitely had way too much fun with this story, but just to circle back real quick on the introduction, if this is your thing, go have at it. Life is too short to be worried about what other people think (within reason/ don’t violate any laws). We've written on far weirder porn fetishes in the past (like this one on Rugrats or this one on the Lion King), and if you wake up every morning thinking about taking Princess Peach into some dark corner inside Mario's Castle, then shoot straight and without apology. Just make sure to keep your head up so you don't step up any Goombas, unless you get their consent first, of course.
